


He was Untouchable Like The Sky (Taken By Sleep)

by OhFrankie



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Bands, Emotional, Gay, Inspired by Music, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, boy on boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhFrankie/pseuds/OhFrankie
Summary: Tyler Joseph was a basketball playing boy in love with a beautiful blonde girl, Jenna Black.They were voted most likely to be married.Most likely to be the perfect family.Most likely to stay in love forever. Yet, forever was a short-lived trip.As Jenna Black's body is discovered in a smashed up car, alongside Tyler who has made it out lucky, with just a few injuries to his head.Depression engulfs Tyler's life like a dark cloud.He cannot eat. He cannot sleep. He cannot live, as he lost the greatest thing to ever happen in his life. Until one night, after his tears have soaked his sleeve. Tyler bumps into a Pink haired Drummer on the rain washed streets of Columbus, Ohio. Nobody knows anything about the boy, in fact nobody has ever heard of Joshua William Dun.So why all of a sudden, has this stranger taken to Tyler?





	1. Realize That She's Gone

**Author's Note:**

> *No smut- Just fluff moments*  
> *Based off of many songs from No Phun Intended. Taken By sleep, Hole in the ground, Drown, Save and Blasphemy have the biggest influence*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His depressive state has brought him too far down-He will bring him back up.

_The pretty blonde girl sat with her hands cupped over her mouth, breathing her warm breath onto her fingers to warm them as the frost bit annoyingly at them. The boy approached, sat down beside_ _her_ _and grabbed her hand from her face and clasped it in his own, the warmth of his palm instantly rid the cold from her bones. She smiled and laid her head on his shoulder, his head on hers, they watched the stars glint above them._

Tyler Joseph sat slumped over with his head in his hands, he rubbed away tears and then pulled them away to glance at the clock. It read 4:05 AM, in digital red numbers. He turned away, let out a soft sigh and laid his shirtless body back upon the white covers of his bed, except he already knew sleep would not come easy tonight.

He sat back up, leaned over and turned on the light. He reached his hand further down and pulled open the drawer of his chestnut bedside table, let his hand fumble around until his fingers fell upon the familiar crumpled stacks of paper. He pulled them out, not bothering to close the drawer. He let his thumb glide across the worn out handwriting, the ‘i’s dotted with a heart and not just a small black circle bumbling above. His eyes well up with burning hot tears. They scan the pages, like he hadn’t reread them over and over again. Like this was the first time he had ever let his soft brown eyes fall upon her world, the world that she let him fall into. The world that became just her and him.

He stops for a moment to take a breath, a deep struggled one that if anyone else had heard they would be able to tell just how broken this boy was.

She would constantly plague him for romantic letters after he sent her his confession. It was always their thing. Their friends had always made fun of them for it. But, for him, there was nothing better. He would write her a letter, and she would send him one back.

His stack was shoved under the bed now. He would not read those. He would not let himself relive the moments he put his pen to paper and let his love flow through the ink. The top of the stack full of letters she would never receive.

Sometimes when he was lonely and the moon hung depressed and alone in the sky, like a giant beacon of a beautiful sadness; he would put pen to paper and write her a love-note that would be full of apologies and how much he missed her. Of course, they were never sent. So he would stuff them under his mattress, turn off the light, crawl back into bed and let his dreams take him away.

It seemed silly to them though. Writing letters to someone who would never get them. A one sided conversation. But they would never understand that sometimes when he wrote his words, when he crossed his t’s and dotted his i’s (never a heart, a small black dot bumbling above for him) he could hear her reply. He would hear her laugh. He would hear her.

He couldn’t explain that to them. They would think he was slipping again, would need that medical crutch that he had leaned on in those first few weeks. He would be forced into seeing someone who would read him, study him as if he were a book and they could see his story pouring out of his thin see-through pages. No, he couldn’t tell them anyhow. It was their private thing. It was the only time he felt like she was there.

He put the paper to his chest, clutched it tightly in his tanned arms like he was holding her in it’s place. He pulled away, wiped a stray tear from his eye and let her voice fill his ears. This letter was his favourite. It was the first letter she had ever sent him back. It was not a love-letter, but a simple one paged reply to his confession.

 

_Dear Tyler Joseph,_

_I wanted to thank you for your letter, mine will not be as long as yours was but I just wanted to tell you what I thought._

_The answer is yes._

_Yes I will date you, Yes I will hold your hand and let you call me yours. Yes I will stay up late on the phone with you, yes I will go out on dates with you and yes I do want you._

_But Tyler Joseph, you are possibly the strangest cliché of a nice guy that I’ve ever came across and if I am being honest, I do find you attractive. All the girls I know wanted you. You are sweet and kind and caring, you’re a god-loving Christian boy that plays basketball and likes to sing in church (with a voice of an angel) but that’s not why I’m saying yes. I’m saying yes because ever since I laid eyes on you, I wanted you to be mine. (You took your time on asking me out)_

_Who knows Tyler, maybe one day we’ll fall madly and deeply in love. Like those couples in movies, and the strangers in books._

_However..._

_I think I might love you already Tyler. You told me you loved me in your letter, you believe love could be formed in an instant don’t you? Sometimes, I think it needs time to build up, it needs time to become something else entirely. And although yours for me formed in an instant, and mine the moment I set my eyes on you; I hope that over however long we spend sharing our time together, that our love will build into something glorious, something powerful, Something God would look down on and be proud of._

_You’re Perfect for me you god-loving basketball boy. You’re perfect and I love you._

 

_Yours Truly,_

_-Jenna Black._

 

Tyler’s smile was wide on his face, but after a few brief seconds, the smile wavered and his eyes flickered as tears broke through the barrier. His heart felt like a stone was crushing it, pinning down the very thing that made him alive. He didn’t wish to be. He stuffed the letter back in between the others, and wrapped the elastic bands around them, shoving the crinkled paper back in it’s dark spot in the drawer. It had only been six months since Jenna Black had left the world, but it felt like forever for Tyler and forever was supposed to be their thing.

In his palm he held her wedding ring and her engagement ring, they shined sadly under the lamp light, without an owner. He clutched them tightly in his palm for a few more seconds, before sliding them back into the black box that sat on the side. He reached over, turned off the lamp and fell asleep in a bed that was too big for one person, one of his tanned arms wrapped tightly around a pillow. In his dreams It would become her. His dreams were always about her. It was the only time he would see her face again.

-

A grey haze had set over his home town when he awoke at 6:14 am. His tired eyes rimmed red and blue like a setting sky. He glanced at the empty bed beside him, his heart regains the pain that he knows so well by now, A heavy piercing weight, as if an anchor had been tied to his heart and it was pulling it down and into his rib bones, the bones like a knife; stabbing right through the pulsating organ, spewing blood into the pool of acid that lays in his stomach. It was an unavoidable pain because whenever he thought of her (which he did often) it would appear and he would try his best to ignore it but in the end he would always crumble and give into the doleful state that the pain would bring.

He rolled over and dangled his legs over the bed, the bed sheets thrown to the bottom, sitting crumpled and crinkled, a sad white and black lump of cloth and past memories. A bed full of echoes ;squeals of laughter, whispers of ‘I love you’, soft kisses and voiced plans of the day. But now the bed sat silent and the only time there was any noise was when it was early in the morning and his sobbing was too loud to be muffled by a pillow.

He sighs and reaches for his phone, the screen flashes as it boots up then it buzzes and his tired eyes watch as the screen fills with notifications and messages.

_**21 missed calls from Zack** _

_**10 missed calls from Mom** _

_**5 new messages** _

_**Zack: Hey Ty, been a while, wanted to know if you were doing okay? We can catch up if you like, Mom says you’re getting into writing music again-** _

_**message deleted.** _

_**Zack: Listen, I know you’re still hurting but it’s time you moved on-** _

_**Message deleted.** _

_**Zack: You have to get back to us at sometime Tyler, we’re your family, we care about you-** _

_**message deleted.** _

_**Mom: Hey Tyler, just wanted to let you know that I love you very much and we would very much like to hear from you sometime. We’re worried Tyler.** _

_**Mom: Please Tyler.** _

  _T **yler: I’m fine, stop worrying.** _

_**Message erased.** _

_**Two messages deleted.** _

 

His social media accounts had exploded the day the news broke out about Jenna. Now six months down the line they were quiet, with a few comments appearing now and then from friends and some people he did not know. He turned off his phone again, not bothering to even check anything else. He ran a hand through his hair and stood up. The cold wooden floor stole the warmth from his feet the moment they were set down upon it, but he could not feel it.

He shuffled across the room, retrieving his shirt from the floor as he did so. He picked it up, realising that it smelt terrible and then he counted in his head how many days ago had he done any laundry. Then he smelt himself and then he counted how long ago it had been since he had showered.

1….4…..5…7…..9...nearly two weeks since he had showered. He plodded to the bathroom, caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He stopped and stood and looked at himself fully. His brown hair was scruffy, it felt dirty and greasy. His eyes carried black bags under them, his skin had turned an ash grey colour like he was sick. His stubble had gotten out of control he was going on to have a full beard. He sighed. Tugged off the rest of his clothes, stepped into the shower and began to wash away the feeling of being unclean.

He then proceeded to shave. But there was nothing he could do about the smudges of black under his bottom eyelids. Those were a constant reminder of all the sleepless nights, tossing and turning dreaming of a girl he had been madly in love with. A constant reminder of all the times he had woken up to find the bed empty and having the memory of her lying on the hospital bed re-enter his mind.

They were a constant reminder of the pain he had been suffering through since the day they told him she was gone, that she slipped away. A constant reminder of his ~~broken~~ tired self.

He looked away from the bathroom mirror, unable to look at himself any more.

He retrieved some clothes from his wardrobe. A black shirt, black jeans and a black jacket. Usual attire for a boy still mourning. He didn’t bother to make his bed, or bring his used clothes in a bundle to the washer. He decided he would do that later. He checked the clock. 6:50 am. He sat on his bed and waited, the cemetery didn’t open it’s gates until 7:30 so waiting is all he could do. He thought about music, how Zack thought he was writing it again. That his songs of depression and grief and the idea of giving up to sleep had transformed into songs about her, into songs that talked about love. He thought about how they would return back to the idea of giving up to sleep. Maybe one day the idea would become an action and he would finally be with her again.

But until then, he would visit her vessel. Her shell that lay decomposing under green grass and flowers all kinds of colours that she would never see. He found his head in his hands again, his eyes on the clock. _Screw it_ he thought to himself, _I’ll just go._ The cemetery was a 20 minute walk through a place where everyone knew him and everyone knew what ~~he did~~ happened to him. He stopped at the front door. _Money_ he thought _money for flowers._ He hated bringing her flowers, everyone else brought her flowers. It was not a private thing between them any more, not a unique thing that he did for her. There was always flowers lying on that grassy bank, flowers blooming and flowers dying, playing out the classic story of life.

He went back into the room, retrieved money from his bedside table and then went back to his spot at the front door, his anxiety had decided to give him another visit. His hands began to sweat, so did the rest of his body. His thoughts raced through his head, running wild like horses in the country side.

_They all feel sorry for you._

_You’re useless you know._

_They think you’re weak.  
_

‘ _It’s a shame what happened’_

‘ _He doesn’t talk to his family any more’_

_You’re just a sad song with nothing to say you know that right?_

_Just kill yourself already, put yourself out of your misery, maybe you’ll be reunited with her._

Tyler pulled back the door, the grey sky seemed perfectly synced with his mood. He swallowed his saliva and stepped out into the street, his hood up and his head down in case anyone told the ~~broken~~ boy how sorry they were for the ~~dead~~ girl.

-

The streets were slightly alive with people waking up and ready to start their day, chatter rang out and the loudness of it hurt Tyler’s ears. There was a time he used to love hearing whispers of conversations from other people, that was until the whispers became about him. As soon as he passed and the first mother of two extremely loud red-headed kids had spotted him, she began to whisper. He couldn’t quite make out what she was saying to her husband who’s eyes had locked on Tyler’s body, but Tyler knew she was talking about him and that the husband was probably full of sympathy for the passing ~~skeleton~~ man in black. News travelled fast, it seemed that every person that stood there was looking at him. It reminded him a lot of a recurring nightmare he had, one where they stood then they laughed, then they would force him into that car and cackle at him with wide grins whilst Tyler would scream for help.

 

“ _I heard he doesn’t speak to his family any more, all he does is sit up in his place all alone”_

 

“ _He’s broken up about her still, hasn’t it been six months?”_

 

“ _You can’t really expect him to give up on her when they were in love”_

 

“ _I heard it was his fault it happened”_

 

Tyler turned the corner and popped into the little store. He was more friendly with the old man behind the counter, who didn’t want to talk bad about Tyler because the same thing happened with his twenty one year old daughter, five years ago.

“Hello Mr. Parson” Tyler mumbled as he came through the door. “Hello Tyler, been awhile” The old man bumbled back as he closed his newspaper, folded it and stood shakily to his feet. “I know...haven’t had the _energy_ you could say, to come out and show my face” Tyler muttered back. He stood in front of the bouquets of flowers, none were appealing enough for him.

“You’re still a fresh topic in town” Parson replied, a soft sympathetic smile appeared on his face. “Keep hearing odd snippets about you whenever someone pops in” “Yeah? Bet they say all sorts” Tyler hisses, both himself and Parson notice the bitterness in his voice that wasn’t meant to be there. “I’m sorry” He utters as soon as the other sentence had hung in the air for a few seconds. “It’s alright son, when my girl died I was the best conversation someone could have for a full year and all sorts of rumours went around, it’s easier to ignore them” Parson spoke softly. His voice always seemed to calm Tyler down whenever he felt anger beginning to boil in his gut.

It was quiet in the store for a few minutes, the only noise being the radio Mr. Parson had tuned to a classical music station. Beethoven flowed through Tyler’s ears.

“Did you ever get sick of bringing her flowers?” Tyler blurted out. Beethoven had gotten to him. “I did” Parson replied. “My Ruby hated flowers” Parson added. His eyes glazed over as if he was off in a memory somewhere. “She hated anything girly, even the colour pink. She hated my wife for painting her room Pink” Parson grinned. Tyler smiled back to the old man.

More time passed as the store was quiet again, the radio still humming gently.

“I understand what you mean” The old man suddenly said, Tyler jumped a little; Startled by the old man’s voice. He was reaching out for a bouquet of yellow flowers that seemed to glow golden under the bright haze of the store lights.

“Everyone brought flowers to her grave” Parson said “I hated bringing flowers, I know they would talk about me because I would bring her favourite books and sit and read to her like I would when she was a kid. Flowers are too common I know, but then again, you cannot bring everything they loved to their grave, although flowers are simple, they mean a lot, they tell a story, they live they die, just like we do”

Tyler slowly clasped the bouquet of gold tighter in his hands. He turned the corner, the water from the stems was running down his palms. He placed the flowers on the till and glanced up at Parson “I just want to give her something nice for a change, I don’t want those rotting petals strewn across her...I want something to last... _forever_ ” Tyler’s breath hitched when he uttered the last word. Parson placed his shaking palm on Tyler’s cold one, a smile had pulled onto his lips “But my boy, nothing lasts forever, I didn’t know your wife but I don’t think she would have wanted you to end up this way. I’ve been where you were, I understand your pain. Our brains become sick and that is okay” “I know Parson….I just miss her” “I’m sure you do my boy, not a day goes by where I don’t miss seeing Ruby’s face” The old man’s smile faltered and his eyes dropped to floor.

“Well I suppose I should ring these up” Parson said after a 10 second silence, he scanned the bouquet and Tyler handed the old man his money. A loud bark startled the two men, scuttling soon followed and a large black Labrador bounded up and started licking at Tyler’s hands. Tyler smiled, ran his hands through the fur of the dog’s head and patted it. “I’m sorry Tyler” Parson sighed, but there was a grin on the old man’s mouth, “Ghost has no manners” Parson delivered his sentence with a chuckle.

Tyler bent down and grabbed the dog’s fur loosely in his fingers, scratching Ghost’s neck seemed to gain him some licks to the face and a soft bark. “She likes you” Parson said. Tyler’s smile grew wider. “Ghost?” “We didn’t have any other names lined up when we took her in off the street, my wife said the first word that would come to her head she would call the dog it. She happened to be watching that old Patrick Swayze movie before I came home” The dog glanced up on the mention of it’s name as the old man chuckled lightly to himself. Tyler stood. “It’s an odd name” He replied as he patted the dog’s head “But it suits her” he sighed, ~~a name they both shared~~.“I should probably go” Tyler announced, turning away and walking back down the aisle. “I hope to see you again soon!” Parson called out as Tyler hit the door, Tyler nodded “Maybe” He replied and stepped outside into a world he had grown to hate. Another sad ~~spirit~~ boy lost on the streets.

-

The walk to the cemetery had become a struggle to him, with many pairs of eyes staring at the ~~ghost~~ boy. The flowers glowed gold under the rising sun. _He hated bringing her flowers_. His feet hit the gravel road as he turned into the tall black iron gates that loomed menacingly above him; casting down dark shadows.

 His feet carried him to her grave. A grave strewn with dead petals and cards saying "We miss you" but Tyler couldn't help but to think whoever left them didn't. Many people came and laid flowers on her grave, some he didn't even know but all of them had smiles on their faces when he saw them again. None were as heartbroken as he was.

Tyler bent down, resting the golden flowers on the ground beside him. He picked up the petals in his hands, feeling the wetness of the grass touching his skin. He continued to clean her grave, rearranging the alive flowers in their vases and throwing the dead into the trash. After everything was clean, Tyler laid his bouquet down and sat cross-legged on the grass. His hand lying upon the dirt hoping that any second, hers would clasp it-it didn't happen. He closed his eyes.

"Hey beautiful" He whispered gently. The breeze had picked up, it was cold now, chilling his bones. "I uh...wrote you another letter last week" He added, his throat swelling with emotion. "I didn't want to bring it though...It was just me blaming myself" He smiled sadly and after a few minutes silence, Tyler placed his hand on the bouquet. "I got you these" He said into the open air, watching his breath fan out in front of him.

"All the other flowers weren't good enough, these though-" He held a petal in-between his thumb and his index finger, his eyes on the golden flowers. "These almost feel like they can last forever...like we were supposed to" tears began to crowd at the corners of his eyes.

"I miss you Jenna, I just wake up each morning expecting you to be in the bed beside me. Holding my hand, whispering sweet things. Jenna why did this happen?" He cried out, hot tears streaming down his face. He looked up at the sky, at the rain that had begun to descend mist-like. "Why did you take her away?" He screamed. "I did everything for you! I prayed to you to make her better, but you took her away!" there was no voice in return that came from the heavens.

Tyler hung his head "I just have to know-" He breathed "Why her?"

"Why not me?"

But there was no answer. No booming voice like they portrayed in movies, no angel touching his shoulder, no comforting speech-nothing. There was only him on a grassy back, screaming at the sky like a mad man.

-

"Tyler" His mother's voice rang out. He opened his eyes, one at a time. Peering out at his mother standing there. She looked at him with a look of pure worry.

 _No,_ Tyler realised, _a look of pure fear._

"Tyler? Honey?" She reached her hand out to him, but he pulled away. Grass tickled his cheek. The rain was heavy, the sky was pitch-black. Tyler's hand was still resting upon the golden flowers he had laid for her.

"Tyler we need to get you out of this rain, you've been here all day" Zack said, he approached Tyler. Tyler didn't make eye contact. He just rested his head back on the dirt, feeling the cold seep into his bones and the wet feeling of his soaked clothes.

"Tyler, come on" Zack whispered.

"Leave me alone" Tyler croaked. Zack reached down but Tyler pushed his hand away, tears brimmed in his eyes "I said leave me alone Zack! I don't need your help!" He screamed.

Zack's eyes widened.

"Tyler-" "What mother? What do you possibly have to say to me? You expect me to get up, to come home with you? Pretend I'm okay? She's dead, She's dead, She's DEAD! SHE WAS MY LIFE, AND SHE'S GONE! AND YOU EXPECT ME TO CARRY ON? HOW? HOW CAN I LIVE WHEN MY LIFE HAS SLIPPED THROUGH MY FINGERS?! MY LIFE IS IN A COFFIN, HER HEART ISN'T BEATING. I can't fly straight- "He breathed "I try so hard to fly but my heart won't go very far."

"How can I....even dare take breaths when she's lying under this dirt?" Tyler whispered, his fingers digging into the soft ground. "I died with her that day"

Tyler's mother began to cry. She sobbed loud and Zack held her in her arms, He was screaming things at Tyler. Insults maybe. But Tyler couldn't hear him, he was muttering to himself: "I tried to live my life for you And now I realize that it's gone"

-

Zack and his mother had disappeared. For some reason Tyler saw that as a good thing. They knew now they couldn't fix him. That no amount of pills would save him from destroying himself. His monsters were inside of him, leaking out. They weren't so nice to him.

He kissed the ground and stood up. Droplets of water rolled down his back. He shivered. It was still raining. 

He began to walk back home, tears in his eyes as his teeth chattered from the cold. He wiped his tears on his wet sleeve, they soaked in-mixing with the rain.

He turned the familiar corner-with the flickering street lamp but something smacked into him, sending him to the ground.

"Shit!" The voice huffed, panting trying to regain it's breath "Are you okay?"

Tyler rubbed at his head, opening his eyes to rain descending heavily upon himself and boy in front of him. A boy who was wiping water from his eyes. "Hey-oh good, you're not dead" The boy smiled. He offered his hand to Tyler but Tyler refused it, standing up by himself. He looked at the boy's chocolate coloured eyes. Something odd twitched inside him. He shivered again.

"Oh, you must cold, you're drenched!" The boy said "You know what here-" He shrugged himself out of his coat and handed it to Tyler. "I'm minutes from home anyway"

Tyler pulled the coat around his body without much thought. He seemed familiar, the boy in front of him, even his pink hair let off some sort of recognition.

"Alright well, see you again sometime?" The boy said, Tyler absent-mindedly nodded. "Bye Tyler" The boy called out before jogging down the direction Tyler came and disappearing.

"Bye Josh" He called out almost routinely. Then he began walking back home.

It was only when he entered through the door that he realised two things.

 **1.** The boy had known his name.

and for some reason **2.** Tyler had known his.

 

 


	2. The Blue (And The Red)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A therapy session leaves Tyler confused- the stranger shows up once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, I'm sorry for the late chapter posting (I have to post every weekend now because I work on other things during the week, secondly BOY DO I LOVE JOSHUA DUN.

_Jenna reached her hand out and Tyler clasped it in his own. He looked at her and felt the strong love pumping his heart. Jenna smiled, "What's your plans for today Ty?"_

_Tyler looked down at her but not before raising her hand to his lips and kissing it, she smiled wider "I don't know" He stated "I've yet to plan anything"_

_Jenna slowly tugged her hand away "You could go out somewhere, it's been awhile"_

_Tyler's heart leapt into his throat; he wondered what she meant by that._

_" Josh called he said he misses you..."_

-

Tyler woke up on his bed, his damp clothes had soaked the sheets. He wondered for a second why he was damp but couldn't really remember. Maybe he had sweated too much in his sleep. Tyler sighed, sat up on the bed and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. His clock read 5:30 am. He pulled himself from his bed, plodding to the corner where his dirty clothes had been sitting for too long and tugged off his damp ones but not before noticing the jacket that clearly didn't belong to him, lying in the middle of the floor.

At first he thought Zack had been over and he was angry at the fact that his brother had let him in again-then the images from the day before came flooding back into his head.

It was the stranger's jacket.

Tyler stood still for a few seconds as the name came rushing into his head. His mind almost seemed to scream it as it echoed round and round his head, like the sun orbiting the earth.

He slowly approached it, like the jacket was some rabid animal and he was trying to get it out of his house. He leaned down, picked it up between his index finger and his thumb and made the brave decision to reach one hand into the pockets to search for any information other than the boy's name but his search turned up with nothing and so he threw the jacket into the pile of clothing, picking the clothes up and bringing them to the washer; Tyler dropped the clothes in, the jacket also but not before noticing the name scrawled messily on the lapel:

_**Tyler Joseph** _

Tyler's head burst with confusion. This was not his, it couldn't be. The stranger had given it to him; had shrugged out of it right in front of him, so why was _his_ name written there, his name which was staring menacingly up at him. He stood still, very still as he was lost in his thoughts.

His head searching for a possible answer to this mystery, but then there was a knock on the front door and although he was reluctant to answer it, Tyler knew he had to but as he turned down the hallway he had the slight hope that maybe just maybe it was the stranger, who had come to retrieve his jacket that for some strange reason had Tyler's name on it.

Tyler pulled back the front door ready to face whoever stood before him but he had opened the door to an empty door-step. He scratched at his head, he was so terribly confused. Tyler turned back down the hallway, back into the room where he had been previously and noticed that the jacket that he had thrown into the washer, the very jacket that had a headache starting in Tyler's head-was gone.

Tyler sat for a few moments before dismissing the full encounter to being a strange dream.

Yet that didn't explain the knock he had heard very clearly on the front door.

-

"Now Tyler-" Dr. Bradford leaned forward in his leather chair, adjusting the black-rimmed glasses that were perched on his very long narrow nose that was crooked on the end, a nose, that Tyler thought should belong to a cartoon character.

"How have you been?" The smile on his face was so painfully fake that Tyler bit his cheek in an attempt to not start yelling about how much he hated Bradford, how much he hated his smug little smile on his crooked face-a face that would only a portray a real smile whenever the digits showed up on that cheque.

"Good" Tyler uttered; still gnawing at his cheek-blood had begun to leak out and Tyler was greeted with the familiar metallic taste.

"Good?" Bradford questioned, but the way he said it-oh the way he said it made Tyler's stomach churn with a furious fire.

"Are you making progress?"

"You mean if I'm over my dead wife yet?" Tyler bit back, his eyes glaring straight at the man. Bradford just tugged on that smile that smile Tyler wanted to punch off of his face.

" _Tyler"_   Bradford spoke softly, saying Tyler's name like he was a child who had just did something so utterly terrible. His judgemental eyes soaked up Tyler like the dry earth, like he felt the need to absorb every single inch of Tyler's broken mind so that he could play around in there. Like children playing around in the attic of an old house.

"I _want_ to know how you're doing" Bradford added, the smile still persistent. He handed Tyler a piece of paper and a pen. "Go on" Bradford urged "Tell me"

The pen looked sharp enough to dig into his wrists, to slice his blue veins and let him bleed to death; Tyler picked up the pen, he began to scribble away. Bradford continued to smile that fake smile.

_They always want  to know about me, always want  to hear how I am, if I've crumbled enough for them. If my soul has left my body and my heart has been given away like old toys to a charity. Maybe they'll find better use for my useless organs, my broken heart, my selfish ways-my bones that shake so easily and my eyes that leak at the thought of her sitting beside me; her hands interlaced_ _with mine. You have no idea what it is like. You are safe here, your mind is on your side-it is your friend. But you don't know my monsters, my demons-how easily they could tear me to shreds if I let them. You don't know what it's like to wake up to an empty bed that used to be full, a silent house that was so full of sound- a life that used to have meaning.  
_

_You want to know how I'm doing? The messy 3 am scribbling or the heavily edited draft? The Truth or the lies? _

_You want the lies, Bradford. Everyone wants to hear that little Tyler is doing great again, that Tyler doesn't cry himself to sleep any more, That Tyler doesn't talk to her grave-no Tyler's all better now, Tyler's good. So you can feel successful that you've 'cured' another person and you can move onto the next broken soul who thinks you're going to actually help them._

_But the truth, the thing you don't want is that I AM BROKENand no matter how much pills you prescribe me, no matter how many sessions we do where you try to extract how I'm 'feeling' out of my fragile body with words you think can soothe me and a smile that is far more annoying than calm; I will still be broken._

_Nothing can bring Jenna back to me, Bradford. You want to see me happy? You ask God for me-to bring my girl back and you'll see me as the happiest man alive._

Tyler shoved the note into Bradford's hands, biting back tears as he did so. Bradford's eyes scanned the page and then he sighed, took off his glasses and pursed his lips. Locking his fingers together, he looked at Tyler.

"I'm glad you told me that"

"I bet you are" Tyler hissed back. He didn't want to be in this room any longer, he didn't want to have Bradford's soul-piercing eyes staring at him; he wanted to ~~die~~ to leave.

"How are you progressing with your dreams?" Bradford asked; the smile still present on his face, it was getting on Tyler's nerves.

Tyler didn't want to spill his dreams to Bradford; they were private.

"Are you still just dreaming about _her?"_ The way he put pressure on the word 'her' made Tyler feel sick to his stomach. He had lost his everything, his sun, his moon and his stars had all vanished when their car hit that truck, throwing their bodies out of the window like ragdolls-

"I mean it is alright if they are about her....just has any one else ever appeared?" Bradford inquired. Tyler looked up.

"What do you mean?"

Bradford smiled a sympathetic smile. "It's okay Tyler, just a routine check to see if your mind is pulling itself out of the grieving state"

Tyler turned his head away, letting his eyes wander and land on the clock ticking away in the corner.

"Do you still remember that night?" Bradford asked as he scribbled something down in a notepad Tyler was never allowed to see.

"Some of it is blurry" Tyler said back, his gaze still on the clock "Like I was blind-folded at certain parts"

Bradford jotted down another sentence before saying: "What do you remember Tyler? Any images?"

Tyler sighed, turned his gaze to his hands "...no...well...there's a few like flashes, glimpses into a nightmare-"

"What do you see in these 'glimpses'?" Bradford asked, staring at Tyler intently.

Tyler didn't meet his gaze. The images began to flash through his mind. The Blood, there was so much blood.

Tyler's hand began to shake, he rested it on his lap-his heart feeling heavy again; the disastrous destiny of a ship ready to sink at any given moment.

"Her"

"Explain Tyler" Bradford pushes on. Tyler sighs loudly, his soul escaping through his lungs.

"I see her face, like-" he pauses for a moment and looks up "-the truck's head lights have lit up half her face"

"Mhmm" Bradford replies; another sentence appearing in the notepad.

"But there's this look in her eyes, it was probably in mine too. It was a look of fear, you know? Like we had both realized that this was it. That we'd cease to exist in the next few seconds. She said something, I think it was 'I love you' but I couldn't quite hear it. I just remember my last thought was 'if I die I want to die looking at her' I didn't want to see the truck because I had already saw it and I already knew we couldn't do anything to turn away from it, that we would crash into it. It's weird-" Tyler says with a sad smile "You know how they say 'your life flashes before your eyes?' well mine didn't, you know why that didn't happen to me Bradford?"

"Why didn't it happen to you Tyler?" Bradford asked, the man's eyes had began to grow moist.

Tyler smiled sadly, a beautifully tragic smile on a beautifully tragic boy "Because my life was sitting right beside me in the passenger seat"

The room was silent for a few minutes, just the noise of the clock ticking away as a gentle reminder that time was passing them by.

Bradford leaned forward again at this point, sniffling slightly. "And what else Tyler? What else happened?"

"Like I said Bradford-" Tyler sighs "I'm blind folded at certain parts, I can still hear the sounds though" Tyler added. The crunching of metal and bones snapping, the screams the cries; the wail of the ambulance, the loudness of Tyler's heart as he looked at his life bleeding to death in the passenger seat.

"But then the blind fold is lifted and she's in the hospital, hooked up to all sorts of machines as they're cutting her bloody clothes apart; tearing them and then its her flesh and they're trying their hardest to piece her back together, but they can't they know they can't and her pulse is slipping and and-" Tyler's tears were dripping onto his lap, he can't finish his sentence.

But Bradford looks at him, his eyebrows furrowed and he says "But Tyler-" He flips through the report on his desk; a look of confusion on his face "Tyler, you were unconscious and in a separate room when your wife slipped away"

Tyler looked up through his tear-filled eyes.

Then the timer screamed out, informing the two men that their time was up.

-

Tyler walked down the bustling street hoping no one was looking at him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe, **~~H E  C O U L D  N O T  B R E A T H E.~~**

Tyler was so confused. How was he in the other room? It didn't make sense. He had watched Jenna die on that hospital bed, he had watched her slip away and the doctor's call out her time of death; 4:05 A.M. He saw the nurses milling about, the doctors sighing-one disappearing to deliver the bad news to her family. He had seen it all. He had crumbled to the floor and cried over it, he had begged Doctors to try something else but they had just walked by him like he was nothing. _He had become nothing since losing her._

"How's the other one?" The voice suddenly rang out around Tyler, he stopped and glanced around him but nobody was looking at him, nobody was paying attention to him, nobody was _speaking_ to him. ~~**He is slipping.**~~

Tyler turned a corner, knocking shoulders with a pretty girl who had pastel purple hair. She cursed and turned around, big brown eyes going wide at him.

"Oh my gosh...it's you!"

"..."

"You're from that band"

"No I think you've got the wrong person" Tyler replied, his body began to quake at the fear of conversing a second longer, he turned away "Wait" She called out but Tyler was already running down the street.

He finally reached his house, panting like crazy as he went to unlock his front door.

"Hey!" A voice called out, for some odd reason Tyler felt calm as soon as it entered his ears.

"Hey" He said turning around to the pink haired boy leaning on the fence.

"Where did you go?" The boy pouted; there was something familiar about his jacket.

"Out, for a walk" Tyler lied. The boy smiled, showing his wonderful wolf-like teeth and stretching his pink lips.

_"Tyler, Tyler-can you hear them going wild out there?"_

Tyler glanced at the boy "Did you say something?"

"No" The boy replied shaking his head.

There was silence between them for a few seconds before the boy said "Tyler, can I come in?"

"Well...I...." What was his name? Tyler thought.

"Josh" The boy announced, smile still on his face. It was nothing like Bradford's.

"Okay Josh, I guess so" Tyler opened the door letting the stranger in. The strange boy glanced around. "Wow, it's a nice place" He beamed at Tyler. Tyler smiled back. "Thanks my wife she lives-" He paused "Lived for his kind of thing, you know decorating and what have you"

"She was very good at it" Josh replied as he sat down on the couch.

"Yes she was- can I get you something?" Tyler offered, Josh nodded "A coffee please"

Tyler turned to walk away but Josh called out to him "Tyler?"

"Yes Josh?"

"Does it ever get lonely living here by yourself?"

Tyler hesitated to answer "Yes it does"

"I'm sorry about Jenna, I liked her"

"Everyone did Josh, she was that kind of person"

"I suppose it's harder for you"

Tyler gulped, he smiled at the boy "You dyed your hair again-I miss the red personally"

Josh grinned "I thought blonde was your favourite"

"You're wrong, blue, sky blue hair remember that?"  
"I'm surprised that you remember that" Josh replied, the smile still big on his face.

Tyler grinned in return "of course I do, I'll go get you that coffee" he said turning away and walking down the corridor, but not before hearing Josh mutter quietly to himself "He remembered the blue, he misses the red"

-

Tyler found himself in the kitchen in front of the coffee machine wondering what in the world was he doing. He furrowed his brow in confusion and sighed to himself. He didn't have time for coffee, he was going to do his laundry. Tyler shook his head and poured the coffee down the kitchen sink. He walked down the hallway and past the living room where he noticed a small carving in his coffee table. Tyler sighed more loudly, he must have scraped it with his knife again. But as he approached the table, he realised that the carving was too detailed to just be a random knife scrape.

The lines were too straight. Tyler ran his finger delicately over it.

**|-/**

Tyler's fingers etched around the words he had only just noticed.

" _Stay alive"_

~~**even though they hadn't** ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter soon I swear it, hope you enJoyed this maties. I'm tired (:


	3. Don't let me be Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler has a hard time figuring out certain things after a suicide attempt- the stranger reappears and forces himself more into Tyler's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter features self harm & a suicide attempt, so trigger warning.

_"He has recurring amnesia, it's quite possible that with the right care we could make him remember but as of right now his brain is in a different state of mind. He is grieving her, so he remembers just her" the doctor says._

_"there's bound to be a lot of very important things Tyler will not remember; basic things, normal things and sometimes even faces. Like I said, we can try forcing the brain to remember, but if it doesn't want to, then there's not much we can do. It might clear up soon or it might take many months, we'll keep him under a watchful eye; Dr. Paulson has offered free sessions to help re-jog his memory"_

_"will he remember us?" Tyler's mother says, choking on tears._

_The doctor smiles softly "I'm not sure, we're only aware that Tyler remembers Jenna because perhaps she was the last thing he had seen before what happened; I'm sorry, we will try our best to help fix your son"_

_"so he might forget us?" Zack asks._

_"he will forget a lot of things....."_

-

 Tyler sat in the bathtub, the warm water lapping at his naked frame. Small quiet little waves like a tiny ocean surrounded him. However the water was not clear-it was a pinkish red, as more blood dripped into the water, splashing and making the familiar noise. _Drip drip drip.  
_

The blade was poised and ready to make another ruby line on his skin, he dragged it down watching the skin split open and the ruby red blood pouring gently from it;cascading like a crimson waterfall. The pain was a stinging sensation; it almost burned but it left his arm tingling. He enjoyed the pain, that was oddly masochistic of him but it soothed the pain he held in his heart.

Another line had him completely relaxed, had his body slumped further down into the bath as the water, now a vibrant red, lapped around his body once more.

Another line had him feel dizzy, a good kind of dizzy; a drunk kind of dizzy.

Another line had the darkness closing in, the darkness that had shrouded Jenna. The Darkness he had waited patiently for six months for.

Another line had his eyes closing.

But then, the blade fell from his hands; his arms and torso now soaked in his blood, was pulled from the bath.

Tyler's head rolled back, his eyes barely opening.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" A voice was screaming, tears fell onto his face.

"Tyler, please please, don't go in the darkness. Fight it, take the pain and ignite it, find me Tyler find me"

Someone was wrapping something around his arms. Someone was pushing him into clothes. Someone was crying.

"....Jo...sh" Tyler's tongue felt heavy.

"I'm here Tyler, I'm always here Tyler" the voice returned in a distant tone.

Tyler's eyes fluttered open, they locked on the pink haired boy in front of him. The pink haired boy whose cheeks were stained with tears, who was covered in blood. The pink haired boy who was muttering "Please let him live, God please let him live"

"Jo...sh" Tyler muttered again.

"Tyler I'm here buddy, okay? I'm right here" Tyler felt a warm hand clasp his own, he managed to open his eyes slightly, to see both bloody palms intertwined as one.

"Why'd you do this Tyler?" The voice asked, street lights zipped by; Tyler's blood had gotten on the car window.

"I...was...g-going to be...with Jenna" Tyler uttered.

"Jenna.." The voice whispered.

Tyler's eyes shut again.

They reopened when nurses were shoving his blood covered body into a hospital bed as he sobbed like a child. They stayed open as the doctor stitched up his wrists in the nick of time; despite how much drugs they had pumped into his fragile body. They stayed open when a nurse washed blood from him. They stayed open when his family arrived at the hospital, tears dripping on the floor like his blood had just an hour ago.

"Tyler..." His mother whispered.

"..."

"Tyler...?"

"...."

"Talk to us please! You've just tried to kill yourself? Why did you come to the hospital?" Zack asked, there was a noticeable anger in his voice.

"I was slipping" Tyler whispers to himself.

"If you wanted to die so badly Tyler, then what did you come to the hospital for huh? Did you realise the mistake you had made?" Zack hissed, Tyler sat up.

"I didn't come here myself, someone drove me here" He answered back. He wanted that person to have let him die. Who was that person?

"...Tyler..." His mother begun, clutching his hand in hers. "You came here by yourself, you walked in with blood pouring from your-" His mother choked, hanging her head down she continued "You were screaming for Jenna, you kept asking to see her"

Tyler pulled his hand away "I'm not insane" He hissed "Someone took me here, you're lying"

"She's not" Tyler's father piped up. He had just been standing there very quietly.

"...but...someone....was there..with me..." Tyler muttered, confusion hitting him.

His mother's hand found his again "Tyler we want you to come home with us"

"No" He replied.

"The doctors said-"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY!" He screams "I'm not going home with you! You don't understand, you don't understand, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Tyler was rocking back and forth in his hospital bed, his family stood with eyes wide watching him.

"Tyler if you don't come home with us, they might put you...into an asylum" Zack said. Tyler glanced up at his brother, with tears in his eyes.

"I'm not crazy" He states.

"He's not crazy. He's broken, just leave him alone, just go away you don't get it!" A familiar voice yelled. Tyler looked at the boy standing in the doorway, who smiled softly at him. His chocolate brown eyes full of sympathy. His hands still awash with Tyler's blood.

"See! He knows" Tyler said turning to his family, pointing to the doorway.

"Who?" Zack asks, Tyler follows his brother's gaze to the empty doorway.

"Who was there Tyler?" His father asks. But Tyler lowers his hand.

He can't remember his name.

He can't remember who saved him.

-

A month had passed. His medication had been upped, his visits to Dr. Bradford more frequent. But at his request, he had asked his family to stay away and the doctors told them maybe it was for the best that they let him be alone for a while, despite what he had tried to do.

Tyler sat at the kitchen table, he was nibbling at some cold pizza he had bothered to order last night. His scars on his wrists were still quite visible and he sat there with his gaze attached to them.

The doorbell rang, and he was hesitant to get it but whoever was ringing was very persistent so Tyler stood, dropping the pizza on the plate when doing so and made his way to the front door.

"Hello?" the boy said as he opened the door. Tyler just stood and stared.

"I'm Josh" He says.

"...Okay" Tyler replies.

"Uh...I...I uh" The boy scratched the back of his bed "Um the hospital sent me to keep an eye on you"

"I don't need a babysitter" Tyler hissed, he went to close the door but the stranger's hand reached out. "C'mon, just let me in"

Tyler hesitated, but the boy's face wore a smile he could not say no to.

"Fine" Tyler grumbled, throwing open the door fully. The boy stepped in.

"So what were you doing before I rudely interrupted?" Josh asked, sitting down on the couch as Tyler retrieved his pizza from the kitchen.

"Looking at my self harm scars" Tyler said sarcastically. He wanted this boy to hate him. _Like everyone else did._

The boy pulled off his cap and ran a hand through his pink hair. He looked uncomfortable at what Tyler had just said.

Tyler hated the way the boy's chocolate eyes scanned every inch of the room. "Oh cool ukulele, do you play?" Josh asked, standing up and looking closer at it.

Tyler nodded from beside him. "I used to"

"But..."

"But my wife died, so I couldn't anymore"

"Wow...shit, sorry"

"Wasn't your fault" Tyler replied. ~~ **I t w a s m i n e.**~~

"I play drums" Josh states from beside him.

 _He actually broke the kick drum_.

"That's cool" Tyler said scratching his head. "I always thought drums were cool"

"I can teach you how to play if you like" Josh replied, the smile radiating on his face.

"Sure" Tyler replied because he really needed something to take his mind off Jenna.

Tyler's eyes locked onto the ukulele once more. His finger reached out and glided over the strings. The sound of untuned strings rang out, filling the empty air with a tragic tune. It had been a very long time since he had picked up the instrument.

"Do you wanna go over to my house?" Josh asked breaking Tyler from his miserable daze.

"Uh...yeah" Tyler answered back, but his gaze was still locked on the ukulele.

"You can bring that with you, tune it up and we can maybe have a jam session" Josh grinned, his teeth showing as he spoke the sentence.

"I...don't know about that" Tyler retorted, he had turned his gaze away finally.

"I don't know if I remember how to play" Tyler added. It was the truth, it had been so long since his fingers had even formed a chord.

Josh sighed, rolling his eyes, he yanked the ukulele down from it's position on the wall. Leaving the mark of where it had once sat. He held it tightly in his hand. Tyler felt uncomfortable with the stranger holding it; it was a piece of him, something only he had let leak to Jenna. So Josh holding it felt terribly wrong-yet oddly right.

"C'mon" Josh nodded towards the door, his feet already plodding away.

"My house and then I'll take you to get some coffee" He smiled, yanking back the front door and descending out into the sunny day that Tyler was so desperately trying to avoid.

"I...I...I don't know" Tyler uttered, his body had begun to tremble slightly. His heart had begun to race. His scars were vibrant red and reminded him of what being alone had done to him.

Tyler stepped forward, following the Pink haired boy down the road; the sun burning his pale skin.

-

Josh opened his front door and the two boys trampled in.

"It's a bit messy" Josh stated "My parents don't come here much, they live out the road a bit from here" Josh added, setting the keys down on a table that was layered with dust; the keys wiped a little away, revealing the real colour; a chocolate brown, like Josh's eyes.

"Why don't they come here?" Tyler asked, wondering why a perfectly good house was being drowned under cobwebs and dust.

Josh stopped, his frame went very still.

"I mean it's just...it's a nice house" Tyler squeaked out. He felt awkward, like he had possibly said something to make the boy feel uneasy and for some reason, Tyler didn't want Josh to feel uneasy, he didn't want him to push Tyler out the front door and to tell him to leave.

Tyler needed to feel normal for at least a day.

"Just something happened that made them stop coming here"

"Oh...it just looks like they..."

"Up and left?" Josh said, finishing Tyler's sentence. He was looking at Tyler now. His brown eyes staring intently at Tyler, who now, shifted uncomfortably under his violent stare.

"Yeah" Tyler replied, his gaze at his feet.

"They did. They left."

"It just sort of feels like.."

"A Museum" Josh added, this time his stare went to the walls.

"Yeah" Tyler said.

"It's just...a storage place" Josh smiled.

But Tyler noticed the family photos placed on the walls, the mantelpiece full of blurred faces holding hands; the couches and the cushion left there, the coffee table with books half read and still lying open. Cups still sitting on coasters. In the kitchen by the sink, there's mould growing on a plate. The counters hold a teaspoon, a box of opened cereal stands drearily by itself; a loaf of unopened bread sits comfortably in it's plastic.

Josh jogs upstairs, Tyler listens as his footsteps thump on the the wood. Tyler remains standing there. His eyes land on the wall of family photos. A baby with a familiar smile. Proud parents with hands on the shoulder of a little boy with chocolate brown eyes and wolf like teeth.

The whole house was silent. Like it had lost its breath long ago.

It was, as Josh said, a museum. But for who?

"You coming or not?!" Josh shouts from upstairs. Tyler jumps at the sound of his voice.

"Y-Yeah" He calls back, he takes one more glance at the little boy in the picture and he smiles to himself, before jogging up the stairs.

-

"So basically you have to feel the beats" Josh said, he was sweaty from an extreme banging on his drums. Tyler smiled. He didn't really understand.

"You want to tune that thing up and see if we can play anything?" Josh says, pointing to the ukulele which was sitting beside Tyler on Josh's bed.

The whole room was eerily silent, even though the two boys were talking away, it was quiet. Like the living room and the kitchen and the entire house, the room was like the main show in the museum like it was showcasing it's best artefacts.

Tyler picked up the instrument in his palms. He began to tune it up.

"Sounds good" Josh smiled as Tyler strummed it.

Tyler smiled back, his fingers seemed to remember the chords, they seemed to flow freely into the air. Tyler began playing a song he remembered.

 _There's miles of land in front of us_  
_And we're dying with every step we take_  
_We're dying with every breath we make_  
_And I'll fall in line_  
  
_A stranger's back is all I see_  
_He's only a few feet in front of me_  
_And I'll look left and right sometimes_  
_But I'll fall in line_

Josh just sits there, staring at the boy as he strums the ukulele. A small smile forming on his face.

 _No one looks up anymore_  
_'Cause you might get a raindrop in your eye_  
_And Heaven forbid they see you cry_  
_As we fall in line_  
  
_And about this time of every year_  
_The line will go to the ocean pier_  
_And walk right off into the sea_  
_And then we fall asleep_

Tyler continues strumming as Josh now jumps in with drums. Like he knows this song, like they've played it hundreds of times before.

 _And as we near the end of land_  
_And our ocean graves are just beyond the sand_  
_I ask myself the question_  
_Why I fall in line_  
  
_Then out of the corner of my eye_  
_I see a spaceship in the sky_  
_And hear a voice inside my head:_  
_Follow me instead_  
_Follow me instead_  
_Follow me_

The music fills the air, the house begins to breathe. Its lungs are filling, it no longer feels like a museum; it is living.

 _Then the wages of war will start_  
_Inside my head with my counterpart_  
_And the emotionless marchers will chant the phrase:_  
_This line's the only way_  
  
_And then I start down the sand_  
_My eyes are focused on the end of land_  
_But again the voice inside my head says,_  
_Follow me instead_  
_Follow me instead_  
_Follow me_  
_Follow me instead_

Tyler's veins are pumping, his voice ringing out. His fingers feeling the strings. His heart racing. His eyes are closed. He stands up, screaming the words; feeling the pain in his heart clench him but not take him over.

Josh's drums fade.

 _Take me up, seal the door_  
_I don't want to march here anymore_  
_I realize that this line is dead_  
_So I'll follow You instead_  
  
_So then You put me back in my place_  
_So I might start another day_  
_And once again I will be_  
_In a march to the sea_

The song finishes. Tyler's eyes open. Josh is staring up at him; wolf-like teeth for show. There's a glint in his eye, maybe a tear or something. Tyler felt the emotions too. The goodness of playing again.

"It's been a long time since I've played" Tyler said, his fingers aching slightly.

"But you still sounded good" Josh replied.

Tyler didn't really question why Josh had known the beat to a song he had wrote when he was struggling. He would have asked, now that the question had appeared in his mind. But as Tyler opened his mouth, the sound of car wheels crunching in the driveway interrupted him. Josh jumped to his feet, he ran to the window.

"Shit!" He cursed. Snatching his jacket from the bed, grabbed Tyler by his arm "C'mon we gotta go-"

"Why?" Tyler asked, he was scared, he heard the sound of the door opening down stairs. A voice calling out "hello?"

"Just-I'll explain some other time, come on" Josh hissed, pushing Tyler towards the back window, he slid it open. Clambered out and beckoned to Tyler. "C'mon dude!"

Tyler heard the footsteps approaching and although he was scared and his heart was racing, he clambered out the window with Josh and the two boys shimmied down the roof and down the drain pipe and jumped over the back gate; running as fast they could.

Halfway through running down the road, with the sky growing dark; Tyler started laughing. He stopped on the road, his hands on his knees; panting and spluttering out a laugh.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked, stopping, he too was a little breathless.

Tyler stood straight, the smile big on his face. "Nothing...just I haven't felt this way in a while"

"Felt what way?" Josh questioned, his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"I don't know...sort of...happy" Tyler replied.

Then guilt shot an arrow through his lungs. He felt bad. He felt weak. He had forgotten about Jenna for a while.

Tyler clasped his hands around his head, he began to cry.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" His tears soaked into the ground.

"Woah, what's wrong?" Josh asked, squatting beside him.

"I...forgot...about her..." Tyler sobbed. He was out here having fun, running around; even daring to smile, and she was lying rotting in a coffin. What was wrong with him?

"Tyler..." Josh spoke softly, his hand was warm on Tyler's back.

"Tyler...Jenna wouldn't have wanted you to be like this. She would have wanted you to be happy. She's probably in heaven right now, looking down at you and grinning 'cause you're happy" Josh whispered.

Tyler sniffled, wiping at his eyes "You sure?" he asked through a squeaky voice.

Josh smiled "Tyler, you're going to be okay, you know. You're strong. I know you are. Everything's going to be okay. I know it's hard 'cause she's gone, and you won't see her again. But she's looking down at you. She's watching you always, she loves you Tyler you know. She loves you and all she wants is for you to be happy. You're too hard on yourself-" Josh took Tyler's scarred wrist into his hand, his thumb stroking gently across the scars "You're a broken boy, I know. But you can heal, you can fix yourself. I won't ever leave you Tyler, even when you think I'm gone, I'll be there okay? You're my friend Tyler, my brother-my boy, and I'm always going to be by your side" Josh finished, his thumb still pressed ever so gently on Tyler's scars.

Tyler looked up, his tears were still streaming down his face but the brown eyes of the stranger had captivated him. He didn't want to push him away, like he had done with his family; he wanted him close. Closer than anyone had been to him before.

 _Closer than she was?_ The voice rang out in his broken mind. Tyler's heartbeat raced a little.

"Thank you Josh" He whispered. Josh smiled, his lips stretching. His nose-ring glinted under the light of the street lamp that had just sputtered to life.

"C'mon" He smiled "Let's get you home"

"What about the coffee?" Tyler asked, he stood up; Josh did also.

"There's always tomorrow morning" Josh grinned.

The two began to walk down the road. Josh humming a light tune to himself and Tyler watching the sky grow darker and darker and the stars peak out under the dark blue blanket.

"Josh..." Tyler breathed. His eyes were still up at the sky.

"Yeah Tyler?" Josh replied, his eyes were still on the road in front of him.

"....Can I hold your hand?" Tyler uttered. He felt stupid for saying it. For even daring to ask it. He hardly knew the boy, but the way his heart seemed to yearn for his warmth was something Tyler could not ignore.

Josh's hand slipped into Tyler's as he was thinking this.

Tyler looked down at the fingers intertwined as one. It seemed familiar.

"I'm sorry...it was an odd request" Tyler says, he goes to pull his hand free but Josh's grip gets tighter; _like he doesn't want to let him go_.

"no" The pink haired boy says, his eyes are still on the road "No it's okay...I don't mind"

Tyler swallows his words. The two boys continue down the road; hand in hand, the sky blinking stars at them. They hold hands all the way back, which was a 15 minute walk to Tyler's house.

Josh pulls his hand free when they reach Tyler's gate. "See you tomorrow?" He smiles, leaning on the gate. Tyler can't help but notice how pretty the boy looks under the haze of the street lamp, with the moon hanging behind his head and the stars seeming to twinkle in his pink sunset like hair.

"Yeah" Tyler smiled "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow" and then he watched Josh walk away, watched him walk down the street; past the lamp and heard him humming that light tune.

Tyler already missed the feeling of his hand in his warm grip; he turned to enter his house, but stopped. Knowing that the place he called home would feel bleak tonight, would send him into his depressive state. Maybe a little company was needed.

Tyler turned back around "Josh!" He called out.

But the pink haired boy had gone, he had disappeared out of sight.

Tyler's heart fell. He knew he would be facing tonight alone. He opened his door and stepped inside. The house felt without breath. Felt like it had died long ago.

But he was living, finally, he felt that little spark of happiness beginning to burn in his heart. Tyler smiled to himself, he glanced down at his hand that had been held by a boy with eyes of chocolate brown, with sunset pink hair and the glittering nose-ring. A boy who's words had breathed air into Tyler's slowly collapsing lungs. Tyler felt, for the first time in six months-happy.

Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO POST. BUT I'VE BEEN DOING ART AND WATCHING SUPERNATURAL AND I HAVE PLANNED THIS OUT AND I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING SO HERE HAVE THIS. I LOVE YOU ALL. *screams violently* I LOVE JOSHUA DUN.


	4. At Your Window (A Boy and His Birthday)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Day is spent with Josh by his side. His Birthday, a blessing that he had seen another one-yet he does not seem to think so. He will change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to cry over Ryan Ross, also I have so many fic ideas.  
> no like okay really seriously the amount of ideas i have is unbelievable

_"Are you okay Tyler?"_

_"I'm fine...feel kind of.."_

_"Do you need a second?"_  
_"Josh...I think, I think I'm slipping again"_

_"I won't let you slip okay? You've got my back, so I got yours, that's what best friends are for"_

_-_

Tyler awoke, his legs were spread far apart; his arms stretched out, there was drool on his pillow. He raised his head and craned his neck to check the clock. It read 11:21 AM.

Tyler had never slept in this late before. He had hardly slept since Jenna passed. But last night, he had fallen into the best sleep he had ever had in his entire life. Tyler rubbed at his eyes, letting out a yawn and sitting up on his bed. He was wearing nothing but his underwear, his eyes noticing the pile of clothing he had stripped off before climbing into the bed the night before.

Tyler stood up, plodded to the bathroom; took a shower, brushed his teeth. He pulled on a white t-shirt, a pair of brown cargo shorts and a mustard yellow hoodie. He tugged his hood up as he trudged down stairs to eat. He plodded into the kitchen, the socks on his feet prevented the cold sinking in today. He pulled out the cereal, poured himself a bowl; spoon digging in, he raised the clusters of cornflakes to his mouth and tipped them in, he munched loudly.

The sudden knocking made him jump, spilling the milk from his bowl on his hoodie. Tyler cursed to himself. His eyes scanned the room for the source and there standing at the kitchen window, waving wildly was Josh.

Tyler rolled his eyes but there was a grin on his face. He walked over to the window, setting his bowl down on the counter top and leaned over-opening the window for the boy.

"There's a front door for a reason Josh, you don't just scare the absolute hell out of someone when they're trying to eat their cornflakes" Tyler chuckled, he didn't really care for his milk-stained shirt or the soggy cornflakes clinging to the crotch area of his pants.

"Front doors are for losers" Josh grinned back "Thought I'd give you a little spook, plus I should mention front door is locked"

Tyler smiled softly, plodded to the front door and unlocked it.

Josh came stepping through seconds later.

"Loser" Tyler said as he closed the door behind Josh.

Josh chuckled "Shut up"

"Hey-for the future, can I get your number? In case you know-"

"In case I don't leave my front door wide open for a stranger" Tyler interrupted, a smile wide on his pale face.

"We held hands, strangers don't hold hands" Josh winked, throwing himself down on the couch. Tyler blushed ever so lightly. To distract himself he produced his phone from his pocket to fetch his number for the boy.

_Tyler and I bought matching phone cases today._

Tyler glanced at the phone case in Josh's hand, looked oddly similar to his own.

"Where'd you get that?" Tyler asks pointing towards the phone case.

Tyler met Josh's gaze and for split second he thought he saw something-a snippet of relief, a hint of fear maybe.

"Oh-" Josh muttered "I uh, got it somewhere, not sure where" He smiled.

But Tyler had already seen his eyes; seen him processing his thoughts, his response.

"Oh, I have the same one" Tyler grinned; holding up his phone.

Josh just smiled, it wasn't a genuine smile. It seemed forced like when you bump into someone you used to know but you can't really remember them, so you try to be nice. Try to flash them that smile so they know that you've recognized their face; but you don't mean it, because you haven't a clue. You don't know who they are.

_We're losing him! We're losing him-_

"Are you going to give me your number then?" Josh asked, mouth tugged into a small smirk. Tyler nodded "sorry" He looked down at his phone, brought up his digits and voiced them out loud. Josh typed them into his phone as he spoke.

"Alright!" Josh smiled, locking his phone and sliding it into his back pocket "what's the plan for today? You still up for that coffee?"

"Yeah, I guess" Tyler beamed "Although I should probably change"  
"Oh no, cornflake crotches are so in fashion"

"Oh shut up, it's your fault" Tyler replied through a giggle as he jogged upstairs.

Tyler walked into his room, opened his wardrobe and peered at the haphazardly placed clothes. His eyes scanning for a perfect outfit for a day out.

He wasn't really sure why he wanted to look nice for Josh. He just knew he did.

Tyler's eyes travelled past the wardrobe for a second, the worn calender hanging on his wall hadn't been changed to the correct month since Jenna left him alone on the earth.

He sighed, plodded over and took the calender in his hands.

"Josh?" He yelled, his memory escaped him when it came to dates.

"Yeah?" Josh called back up the stairs.

"What's the date?"

"December 1st, why?"

Tyler didn't reply, he had flipped over the pages to the correct month. There, written in hand writing he had only seen in past letters; was Jenna's little note.

"Tyler's 28th Birthday" I's still dotted with a heart. Tyler's heart sank a little, it hit him full force now. Knowing he'd spend the rest of his birthdays alone; no Jenna by his side, giggling and passing presents for him to unwrap. No breakfast in bed, kisses on forehead and birthday cuddles, no more her surprising him with the perfect gift every year.

He realised it would be the same for every event. Christmas; Easter, the fourth of July, Valentine's day and her birthday would all be spent alone.

By now Tyler's eyes had filled with tears. He was sobbing uncontrollably, loud gasps of breath escaping his mouth. He had sunk to the floor still clutching the calender in his pale palms.

Josh appeared, the footsteps could be heard behind Tyler; Tyler looked up at the boy, tears clinging to his bottom eyelids. The way he sat on the floor, knees up to his chest, hands clasped tightly around the calender; rocking back and forth-he looked small. Small and child-like, held that ounce of innocence a child holds when they cry, held the same heart-shattering look.

Josh crouched down beside him, finding Tyler's hand and giving it a squeeze.

"I'm....going to be alone....she's....gone"

"Gone but not forgotten" Josh corrected, he rose his index finger up to Tyler's forehead and tapped ever so lightly. Tyler looked at the boy with moist eyes, confusion plastered all over his face.

"Her memory carries on in there Tyler, in there and in-" He rested his hand over Tyler's chest, feeling the loud thumping, Josh smiled.

"And in here" Josh whispered, he rested his forehead on Tyler's. The two boys locked eyes, something stirred in Tyler's heart.

"When we lose someone, it's hard. It's always hard. We forget their names and the way they sound when they sleep. We forget what it's like to hear them singing, to hear them speak and utter words and we forget what they look like when they're laughing so much tears fall down their face. But sometimes our brains surprise us; give us a little hint to them, even though they're gone they will live on, the people who have died live on through us; we carry their stories now, we become their narrator, we carry a little piece of them, besides Tyler, you will never be alone-I am always here" Josh breathed out. Tyler just stared, he didn't refuse when Josh pulled the calender out of his grasp and placed his smooth slightly cold hands in its place.

Tyler couldn't say a thing. Josh smiled, the smile warmed Tyler's heart.

"Its your birthday?" Josh asked, spotting the calender on the floor. Tyler nodded feebly "I guess so"

"Well shit" Josh said, he let out a sigh "I didn't know"

"It's okay" Tyler reassured, he had slid his hands out of the boy's and was wiping at his eyes.

"Nah, it's not-c'mon, let's go somewhere, do something fun. I'll get you something, what do you want hmm?"

Tyler knew there was only one thing he wanted and he knew Josh could not bring her back.

_Thank you for all the bday weesh's frens_

Tyler sighed "No, No I'm fine-"

"No" Josh interrupted "You're not fine Tyler, you're so fucking far from fine that it hurts me"

"You know nothing about me" Tyler hissed pulling himself away "You know nothing Josh"

Josh stood up, staring down at the boy. He seemed somewhat menacing-towering over the boy the way he did.

"I don't want to argue" He states "I just want you to have a good birthday"

"Why?" Tyler questions. Why would a perfect stranger want him to have a good birthday?

Yet, Tyler felt like Josh wasn't a stranger, like they had known each other since forever.

"Why?" Josh echoes, he bites his bottom lip; Tyler notices the way it makes his stomach churn.

"Because....you're so..."

"I'm so what?" Tyler asks, he stands up; facing the boy. The room is silent. The wind outside is harsh and it is whistling a tune of an empty grey sky day.

"Broken, unhappy, miserable-Tyler, I could state an entire dictionary worth of words to describe how shitty you look" Josh bites back, there's a sudden flair of anger in his chocolate brown eyes. Tyler's jaw clenches.

"What's that got to do with you? So what I'm depressed, so what I tried to end my life-I lost my wife, I have the right-"  
"You have the right to worry your parents? Your siblings?" Josh counters back and taking a step forward.

"You don't have the right to make people worry"

Suddenly the flash of intertwined bloody palms and pink sunset hair enter Tyler's mind. He takes a step back, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"You...you...saved me....from...I-I cut too deep...you-" Tyler stuttered. He knew he wasn't crazy, he knew someone had taken him to the hospital.

Josh looked at him his eyes full of surprise "You remember that?"

"I just-Why did you save me?" Tyler asks. Josh looks shocked, like he's be smacked in the face.

"What do you mean-"

"Why didn't you let me bleed to death? Why did you pull me out and take me to a hospital-no worse yet, why didn't you stay? Thanks to you my family thinks I'm a suicidal head case" Tyler snaps "So why?"

Josh gulped, his eyes fell to the ground.

"I don't know" He managed to say after a few minutes. "Everyone deserves to live" He added on soon after.

"But that's not your choice, you can just choose to keep me alive-"  
"no I know that" Josh interrupts "Don't you think I know that? I want you to stay alive Tyler, to stay alive for me, for your family"

"For you? I don't even know your last name!" Tyler notes, his eyebrows knitted in anger.

"Dun. Joshua William Dun. What else do you want to know?" Josh replies, he raises his eyes that are now traced with hope.

"Nothing" Tyler replies "I don't want to know nothing about you"

"I'm sorry" Josh says, he lets out a heavy sigh "I just, I've lost a friend before and I've met you and I just think you need to be happy. Everyone deserves happiness. Look at me, being a shit and arguing with you on your birthday. I'm sorry"

"It's okay" Tyler utters back. The boy in front of him looks near tears and there's already been enough of those dropped today. Why was he arguing? Josh was the only one who somewhat understood what he was going through. He was helping him. He cared.

"What did you have planned?" He asks. Josh's eyes look up at him, a smile flickering on his face.

"I don't know-see a movie or something?"

Tyler smiled "Okay, we can do that, that sounds doable"

Josh smiled back "Yeah? Well, I'll-let you get dressed then" He picked up the calender on his way out. Tyler's heart fell, he could take that but he wouldn't be getting the letters he kept in his bedside table. He needed those, that's all he had left.

Tyler pulled out some clothing and set about getting dressed. He was ready in less than ten minutes. He jogged downstairs; Josh was already waiting by the front door but the smile on his face seemed to have disappeared.

"What's wrong?" Tyler asked, worried he had dented the only friendship he had.

"Uh...shit, uh...I don't have any money on me, I left my cards back at uh-a friend's place" Josh announced. Tyler frowned, his hands rummaged around in his jacket he had slipped on; his wallet was empty.

"We could go to the cash machine-"

"We could stay in" Josh said suddenly. His eyes hopeful. "Watch some movies here. Total Pyjama day, I'll go out, get some snacks-" Josh swung open the front door.

"Wait-" Tyler called out but Josh was already jogging down the street.

"You...need...money for snacks" Tyler sighed to himself. He stuffed his wallet back in his pocket and closed the front door.

-

Tyler decided to clean up. The house was sparkling by the time Josh came back, with bags of snacks and a box that Tyler was sure held his birthday cake and another box that he was sure held a present.

Tyler sighed "You didn't have to get anything"

Josh smiled, setting the bags down on the dining room table "Shut up will you? Everyone needs a present on their birthday"

"I'm not a big fan of birthdays, it's just a reminder of how much closer you are to becoming old and remembering all the things you passed up on in your life" Tyler retorts, opening one of the bags to reveal tacos.

"Wow, moody angsty teen Tyler; my favourite, what are you going to start listening to My chemical romance next?" Josh chuckled then he stopped and sighed "I miss them too much, I might just go and cry to Cancer in a second"

"That song is a good song" Tyler says pulling candy out of bags and setting it on the table, he had begun to hum the tune.

_I will not kiss you_

"Anyway" Tyler said when all the snacks had been pulled from grocery bags and thrown away in the trash. "I thought you didn't have any money"

"I went to my friend's place, picked up my money and my Pyjamas"

"You were serious about that?" Tyler giggled, his hand went to reach for the box that held his birthday cake; Josh smacked his hand away.

"I was serious and no, you'll get that later" Josh grinned, taking a sip of his coke. Tyler frowned.

"It's been so long since I've had cake" Tyler states, stuffing his hands in his pockets and eyeing the box hungrily.

Josh sighs "Go on then, take a slice"

Tyler beamed as he pulled back the box and saw the white frosting with the |-/ sign piped in red and blue.

"This again?" He mutters to himself.

"What does that sign mean?" Tyler asks, as he slices through the cake and dumps a piece on a paper plate Josh had handed him.

"it means different things to different people" Josh replies, he eyes Tyler oddly.

"So it's well known then?" Tyler asks, feeling a bit behind times. Josh smiled a soft smile, his eyes casting downwards for a second and then looking back up.

"Yeah, I guess it's pretty well known"  
"What's it mean to you?" Tyler questions, he bites into the cake and lets out a soft groan at the sweet tasting frosting and vanilla sponge rolling around in his mouth.

"....It means to be alive. It means I always have someone or something waiting for me. It means I'm not alone. It's the sign for the few, the proud and the emotional. For the skeletons who have felt alienated and outcast like from people they do not fit in with. For the kids who have fought their lions off on their own. For me, and my problems; it's a beacon of reassurance, a warm light-when it shines in the air it means home, it means protection-it means family" Josh breathed out, Tyler stared at him. Something in his chest was tight and it hurt when he breathed.

"Or something like that" Josh uttered, a pink tint in his cheeks.

"So you put it on a cake?" Tyler smirked, wiping frosting from his lips.

"It felt appropriate"

"Why?" Tyler questioned. Josh shrugged.

"I wanted you to know you always have something to come back to, that you're never alone"  
"You really don't want me to be alone?" Tyler said, he stood grabbing the snacks and bringing them into the living room.

"I don't, no. Everyone needs someone in their lives and if they say they don't they're lying. We were built with a craving for social interactions and touch. It's just what us humans do. You'd go insane if you didn't speak to anyone in a long time" Josh replied following him into the room, he sat down on the couch.

"I went a long time without anyone to talk to" Tyler counters. The images of him spending nights alone and days feeling empty had flooded his mind.

"Yeah...well, I'm here now" Josh smiled.

-

An hour later the cake had been demolished. Snacks had been devoured also. The two boys sat playing Super smash bros in their pyjamas, movies long watched and grew tired of.

Josh scoffed as he lost. "You play this too much dude, that's why you're so good"

"That or you just suck at games"

"That's mean" Josh pouted, Tyler chuckled.

The night had rushed in, the dark blue blanket sprinkled with stars had returned; street lamps shined through the windows. The two boy set their controllers down.

"What time is it?" Tyler asked through a yawn; stretching his arms out and then taking a sip of his coke.

Josh glanced down at his phone "3:24 am"

"What? Wow really?" Tyler asked, realising he had spent hours not even thinking of Jenna. Josh was helping him.

"No longer your birthday-shit, I forgot" Josh huffed, he stood up and retrieved the small box from the dining table. Tyler stifled another yawn and rubbed tiredly at his eyes.

"here, just something I picked up" Josh said handing the boy the small box. Tyler smiled. He tore apart the paper and opened the box. Inside lay a game. Tyler looked up.

"Frogger?"

"I used to play it all the time, it's addictive" Josh retorts smile on his face wider than anything.

"I know, I played it to. Dude, I love Frogger" Tyler replies, excitement clear in his voice.

"Thank god, I thought you would hate it"

"Nah man, thanks I really appreciate that, I'll play it tomorrow-" Tyler placed the game on the table. Josh smiled.

"Well I should head home" Josh says.

"Where's home?" Tyler asks. Josh stops.

"I don't know-I'm in between places at the minute, I don't want to go back to that haunted house my parents own; it's too quiet" He admits. Tyler knows that feeling too well.

"You can stay here for the night" Tyler says.

"You sure?" Josh's eyes light up; Tyler nods. "You can take the couch, it's comfy; I'll fetch you some blankets"

"Okay cool, thanks so much dude" Josh beamed.

Tyler smiled, jogged upstairs and pulled the spare blankets from the box in the corner of his bedroom. His eyes fell onto his giant bed that always felt cold and lonely whenever he climbed into it at night and attempted sleep. He sighed.

"That's a big bed"

Tyler jumped at the sound of Josh's voice from behind him.

"You scared me" Tyler admitted, clasping a hand over his chest.

"Sorry, didn't mean to-just, it's kinda....weird sleeping down there, can I sleep on the floor?"  
"Why's it weird?" Tyler asked.

"Oh I don't know, it...feels lonely, I mean I used to share a room as a kid and sometimes I just want to sleep in the same room as someone else" Josh says, glancing down at the ground again. Tyler didn't know why he kept doing that.

"I'm not gonna let you sleep on the floor" Tyler uttered. Josh sighed a loud "Oh"

"No, the floor gets really cold at nights. Besides I have a big enough bed. Climb in" Tyler smiled.

"You sure? I don't wanna intrude"

"Nah, it's okay. I'm used to having someone sleep beside me. It's been empty for months..." _it'll be nice to have someone lying there,_ Tyler thought to himself.

Josh grinned, jumped into the bed and pulled the covers over himself.

After a few minutes, Tyler climbed in bedside him.

The warmth of another body being there was certainly noticeable. Tyler's stomach churned. His heart raced. He felt oddly on edge, like he should be careful of how he slept. His body seemed to freeze when Josh's back accidentally touched his.

However, when Tyler finally felt sleep hitting him, a hand wrapped it's way around his pale skinny waist and although he knew he should have moved it; Tyler didn't.

He had spent many months alone in that bed, in that house, in that empty place that felt like it was dead. But as soon as Josh appeared that had changed. He brought a warmth with him that Tyler could not describe.

He placed his hand over the boy's and heard him shuffle behind him.

Tyler smiled. Josh was right. Humans did crave interaction and Tyler had no idea how long he had been craving the warmth of someone lying beside him. He had no idea how much he missed it. He was, in that moment, thankful Josh had walked into his life.

Josh's hand tightened around Tyler and Tyler turned around, feeling oddly uncomfortable. Josh's eyes were open.

"Oh, uh sorry-" Tyler breathed. Their noses nearly touching, Josh smiled.

"No it's okay" He sighed, Tyler felt his breath on his face "Stay like that"

Josh's hand remained on Tyler's hip for the rest of the night and when the morning came, the first thing they saw were each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop is about to die and I'm about to die also hi hello, my name is Naomi and I really really really live for Joshler and other ships.  
> Thanks for reading this update.  
> HBD to my angel Tyler. 28 years ago he was born but he saved my life two years ago and for that I am forever thankful.


	5. Living is a lot like learning to ride a bike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Trip to the beach may just change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been motivated to write this so I apologise for the bad content.

_“We’re up for five grammy’s Tyler! Five! I can’t believe it...Tyler?”_

_“Oh….my...Tyler what have you done? What have you done Tyler? This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening. Where’s Jenna?! I told her, I told her-I said check for blades. I told-”_

_“Josh...I’m sorry...I was slipping, the pain...it helps...I was...I...was slipping...they...they don’t understand-”_

_“We’ve made it big time Tyler. We’ve done it...fuck...there’s so much blood...I need to get Jenna, I-I need to call an ambulance-”_

_“We’ve made it big for what?”_

_“What are you saying Tyler?”_

_“What...have we done really...all I’ve did...is confess my sins...to kids who carry the same ones…”_

_“That’s a good thing Tyler...shit...it’s on me, there’s blood on me...I can’t fucking type there’s blood on my phone...hello 911...fuck please..you have to help me my friend he’s he’s in a bad state-”_ _  
_

_“No...No Josh...it’s not”_

_“Tyler! Stay with me, c’mon you can’t relapse on me at a time like this. You said you were done-that...that he was gone-”_

_“Josh be realistic. He’s me. He won’t ever leave”_

-

Tyler’s eyes lingered on the boy’s face for a second longer. Sunshine filtering through the window, it gave his face a heavenly glow.

“Did you sleep well?” Josh asks, there’s that sleepy look in his eyes but a handsome grin on his face. His pink hair catching the sun rays. His smile is a change, a reassurance. Tyler normally would wake up to an empty bed.

“I slept well”

“That’s good...at least you’re sleeping”

“How did you know I wasn’t...sleeping well?” Tyler asks. He shuffles a little. Josh’s hand brushes the inner side of his arm. He shivers.

“Your eyes always tell a tale” Josh replies, he moves around and ends up on his back, staring up at the ceiling like it’s revealing something to him and only him.

Tyler doesn’t say anything, he too moves to lie on his back. The back of his head sinking into the pillow, his eyes blinking up at the white ceiling.

“I...I’ve been where you’ve been” Josh suddenly says.

Tyler turns his head and looks at him, fluttering his eyelids in confusion.

“Depressed. Anxiety. Feeling like you could just slip away and nobody would give a damn” Josh adds. His eyes are still glued to the ceiling.

“I’ve lost people too. I-I...It’s hard. Especially if you had been in love with them” He turns to look at Tyler, his chocolate brown eyes are soft and gentle. There’s tears gathering at the corners.

“Living is a lot like riding a bike. You want to give up sometimes, because you’ve fallen off so many times that you’re bruised, you’ve got deep cuts on your legs; there’s dirt on your cheek. But everyone else is riding a bike and they have these huge smiles on their faces. Their hair is blowing behind them and they look so free, having the time of their life. And you want that. You want to get on that bike and have that look on your face but every time you get back on that bike, it throws a rock in your way and you stumble and fall and another cut is added to your legs; more dirt on your cheek, another bruise. But you just want to ride that damn bike and have that happy look. You just want to be free. Some people...they fall off the bike and never get back up. They stay there. In the dirt. But you can’t be those people. You must be the person to get back on that bike, you must pedal and brake and then finally you’ll get the hang of it and soon enough, someday soon enough, you’ll be one of those kids on a bike; happy and free, flying past those kids on the ground with scraped up knees. You’re their inspiration now. You’re going to keep them going. You’re going to be the one they think about when they get back on that bike and continue to pedal, they want to be free and happy like you-”

“But what about..what about falling off the bike once you’ve learned how to ride it?” Tyler asks.

Josh smiles softly “You still get back up. Scraped up knees and dirty hands will be your constant reminder that you got back up. Continue to ride; continue to live, stay alive”

The room is silent as Tyler processes what Josh has told him. The cogs turning in his mind.

“I’ve heard that somewhere before…” Tyler wonders out loud.

Josh sits up beside him, eyes slightly wide “Yeah?”

“Maybe someone told me it” Tyler adds, looking at the boy.

Josh’s eyes falter a little “yeah. That’s probably it” He smiles.

He throws himself back on the bed, a heavy sigh escaping his mouth as he did so.

“I’m sorry to be...like this at this time” Josh utters “Life is important. You don’t know what you have until It’s gone” His eyes don’t meet Tyler’s when he says this.

Instead, moments later, as Tyler holds the image of the bike-ride life in his mind; Josh turns to him and says “Let’s go for a walk”

Tyler sits up, his feet dangling off the bed. “Sure...walking sounds good”

“Tyler…”

“Hm?” Tyler mutters softly, turning to face the angel-faced boy lying in his bed.

“If it’s not weird...for you...I just...I mean I wanted to say...you’re-never mind” Josh smiles, his face turning a shade of pink. Tyler blinks in confusion.

“Tell me”

“Nah, it’s weird. I mean...I don’t know”

“Josh just say it”

“....You’re beautiful when you sleep...like...that sounds creepy. I didn’t mean for it to sound creepy. Just when you sleep, you look peaceful” Josh replies, he shuffles and sits up in the bed.

Tyler’s heart races faster.

-

The sun kissed the earth as the two boys wandered up a back road, taking a detour through tall grass; sipping open cans of coke and chatting away. Both were wearing shades, protecting their eyes from the sunshine.

“What’s your favourite kind of day?” Josh asks as they emerge out onto a cliff top; overlooking lapping water against dark grey stones, standing tall and sharply. Waiting, patiently for a body to be flung upon it. To coat it’s warm greys and cool greys with crimson.

“Grey” Tyler says, his eyes connecting with the rocks. “Grey skies. Slight rain on the window”

“Why?” Josh questions; he squints at the boy as the rays of sun attempt to soak through his now-shadeless eyes.

Tyler pulls his shades off too as they both sit on the grass cliff-top.

“The rain is like music. Like a drum. It reminds me of something or maybe someone but I can never remember who”

Josh smiles widely at his answer. He looks down at his hands and then moments later he reaches over and grabs Tyler’s.

Tyler pulls away shyly. “What are you doing?” He gulps, a pink shade crossing his face.

“I’m holding your hand dummy” He retorts, like he’s done it millions of times before.

“But-”

“But what? We held hands that night, why not now? On a beautiful sunny day, with the sounds of waves crashing wildly against rocks; birds singing to us and the insects chirping. Why not now?” Josh returns, his chocolate eyes fixed on Tyler. Tyler smiles and slowly places his hand on the ground, Josh’s own fingers curl around his moments later.

“This is nice” He says.

Tyler nods. “I’m not usually one for sunny days but...for some reason you seem to make it better”

“Oh?” Josh raises an eyebrow, a cocky grin tugging at his lips “Was that a compliment-”

His smiles shifts into a mischievous one as he pulls Tyler close and asks “Or were you flirting with me?”

Tyler gulps audibly. He is dangerously close to the boy. His lips inches away from his, if he just leaned in a little more…

Josh pulls away, his hand however still remains clutching Tyler’s. Tyler feels a little disappointed. Maybe he wanted it to happen, to feel Josh’s warm lips against his. Maybe.

“We should do this more often, come out more, take walks” Josh says, he won’t look at Tyler.

“Yeah…”

“Tyler…”

“Hm?”

“You’re cute when you blush you know” He turns to look at him, smile wide on his face that playful look set in his gaze. Tyler’s face immediately flushes and Josh chuckles.  
“It’s so funny how easy I can make you blush”

“Stop” Tyler mumbles, his stomach is burning with a fire of desire. To capture the boy’s lips in his. To feel his hands in his hair.

“Do I make you feel...uncomfortable?” Josh asks, he leans close again; his lips pressed against Tyler’s ear. Tyler shivers, his heart thumping; pleading to burst out of his chest.

“No?” He says cockily, looking at Tyler and pouting slightly, a devilish grin pulled on his lips. “What about now?” He questions, as his lips touch the skin on Tyler’s neck.

Tyler’s body pops with electricity. Like a thousand fireworks had just went off all at once.

“Stop…” Tyler whispered. He sounded pathetic. He always sounded so pathetic.

“Are you sure you want me to?” Josh counters, licking his pink lips and showing his wolf-like teeth.

Tyler nods furiously. Scared that he won’t be able to control his feelings.

Josh pulls away “I was just kidding Tyler” He says, suddenly all serious “I didn’t mean to make you feel weird-shit, sorry...I just...sometimes-” He holds Tyler’s hand in his, his thumbs rubbing over the boy’s scarred knuckles “I look at you and I can’t...there’s this weird feeling in me, I’m sorry” Josh finishes.

“It’s okay” Tyler replies, smile soft and reassuring. He didn’t have the guts to tell the boy he had the same feeling since the first day he had bumped into him on those rainy streets. The sun continues to beat down, lazy sun rays soaking into their skin. The two boys sat together, hands intertwined, smiles huge on their tanning faces.

-

 

“It’s been awhile Tyler, wow….did...did you get a tan?” Bradford asks, that smile has returned, Tyler can already feel the annoyance biting at him like a wild dog; nipping the flesh and pouring its diseases in.

“Yeah”

“Did you go anywhere nice?” Bradford adds, shuffling paper around on his desk. His smile so plastic, Tyler wants to check for the made in china stamp.

“No...well...I left my house and went for a walk”

“Ah yeah, we have been having wonderful weather lately. A huge difference from those sad  dreary grey sky days, don’t you think?” Bradford smiles.

“Personally, I like those kind of days” Tyler bites back, smile on his face holds his irritation. Hopefully Bradford would pick up on that.

Bradford gulps and adjusts his glasses “Well, everyone is different-oh, is that a new tattoo?” He asked, peering through his glasses at the inner side of Tyler’s wrist.

Tyler quickly covered it up. “Yeah”

“What does it mean?” Bradford asks. He’s trying to pry information from Tyler. These sessions always felt more like he was being interrogated rather than treated.

Tyler’s thumb slips under the sleeve end, tracing over the ‘|-/’ he had inked into his skin. He smiled to himself, forgetting where he is, he gets lost in the memory of pink sunset hair making its sudden appearance in his mind.

“Tyler..did you just..smile?” Bradford questions. Tyler gulps, he wasn’t supposed to show him. He wasn’t supposed to know.

Bradford’s own smile is wide now as he writes it down.

Tyler’s teeth begin to chew on his fleshy cheek inside his mouth; blood spurts out. The small pain that follows is comforting, but he can’t stop his leg from shaking.

 _He knows, why did I do that? Why did I smile, why the fuck did I smile?_ Tyler asks himself.

 _Because you’re stupid. You’re fucking dumb. Now look what you’ve done Tyler. They’re going to take him away from you, you’re going to lose him, like you lost Jenna. It’s your fault she died, it’s your fault that Josh will leave._ He  replies.

Bradford looks at the panicking boy, failing to pick up his darting eyes and the perspiration gathering in drops on his tanned forehead. Failing to hear his beating heart; the ignorant reminder that he is alive. Failing to notice the shaking leg, the clammy palms; the quivering lip.

Bradford squints at him and after a few moments, he smiles. Not the creepy smile he usually has plastered on his middle-aged face, no a new smile. A smile like he had just figured out all of Tyler’s secrets. Like he holds the key to the box in Tyler’s head.

“You’ve met someone” Bradford announces, leaning back in his chair, tapping his pen against his palm. “You’re glowing, you’ve met someone and you _like_ them” Bradford grins.

Tyler’s mouth is suddenly dry, he chokes slightly; he had bit into his cheek a little too much, he coughs, blood splatters the skin of his knees, peeking through ripped fabric. Black and red. His colours.

“Are you okay?” Bradford asks, he hands Tyler a tissue to wipe the crimson glazing his lips; Tyler refuses, he wipes it on the back of his hand; leaving a vibrant streak of red to decorate his skin.

“So...tell me about this person…”

“There is no person” Tyler hisses, eyes burning into Bradford’s face, hoping it would catch fire.

Bradford notices the bitter tone Tyler takes with him; he sighs.

“....is  he making a return?”

“I hope so” Tyler answers, his eyes are still on Bradford.

“Why? Why do you hope that  _he_ returns?”

“So that I can blame him when I rip that fucking fake smile off your face” Tyler hisses, his feet tapping the floor impatiently. A familiar feeling engulfing him, a feeling to take his anger out on a body other than his.

“I think...we should...concentrate on the person you met” Bradford says, shuffling uncomfortably under Tyler’s gaze.

“I didn’t meet any person. Let’s talk about you and I, Bradford. Let’s talk about how fucking angry you make me. Sitting behind your desk, like you’re some sort of God. Like you’re just going to cure me. You never will. One day, one day, I’m going to come for you-”

“Security!” Bradford screams, pressing the button.

Tyler stands up, grabbing Bradford by the shirt pulling his nose to his.

“I’m going to come for you and I’m going to rip your fucking tongue out so that I can’t hear another one of those fucking idiotic questions spew from your plastic mouth. Do not pretend you are interested in my mental health; you’re only interested in the cheque that comes with my mental health and your job. You wouldn’t last if you were me, stuck with my mind;  He’s  saying I should destroy you, but that wouldn’t do me any good. Just count yourself lucky that I haven’t already ripped your heart up out of your throat” Tyler snarls, snapping his teeth like a hungry lion.

Guards come in, tugging him out by the arms.

And the alarm rings out. Bradford sighs, rubbing at his face. And on his paper, he scribbles: “ _Blurryface has made comeback_ ”

-

“How did it go?” Josh asks as Tyler comes through the door; hands shaking from adrenline.

“Good” Tyler lies, turning away from Josh and spotting himself in the hallway mirror; blood splattered chin, bloodshot eyes; teeth stained red. A monster.

“Tyler, Tyler, Look at me-can you just”

 

_My name’s blurryface and I care what you think._

 

“Tyler...who’s blood is that?” Josh asks, his face full of concern as Tyler wipes blood from his chin.

“....”

“Tyler, you need to answer me”

“Don’t worry Josh. It’s mine.”

“That just makes me even more worried” Josh retorts, grabbing Tyler’s hand. Tyler pulls it away, anger flaring in his eyes. Josh takes a step back.

“...I’m sorry...I’m just...I’m not in the mood”

“Are you okay? What happened? Do you want to talk about it?” Josh asks, pulling the boy over to the couch and making him sit.

“...I can’t remember. I blacked out. Half-way through, I blacked out and I just remember coming to my senses and I was sitting on the pavement” Tyler says, looking up at Josh; tears in his eyes “Why does this keep happening? Why….do I keep forgetting...I’m...broken”

Josh cupped the boy’s face in his hand, looking him directly in the eyes.

“You are not broken Tyler, you are just a little a mess right now, we can fix it okay? I’m here. I’m always here”

“....”

“Do you want to go somewhere?” Josh asks, his voice holds a certain panicked tone. He’s worried.

“No”

“C’mon, let’s go to that beach we saw the other day”

“It’s….6:25 pm Josh”

“And?” Josh smiles “Have you ever seen a sunset on a beach? C’mon, we better leave, the sun sets at 7”

He grabbed Tyler’s hand pulling him up. Tyler smiled to himself. Thankful Josh was here.

-

 

“Josh!” Tyler hissed, the sky was darkening. The was yet to set.

“Josh!” Tyler repeated, growing impatient.

“Yes my dear?” Josh replied, sticking his head out through the bushes.

“It says no trespassing on that sign over there”

“Sorry-” Josh smiled, going to the sign and pushing it over “I don’t see a sign”

“We could get into trouble!” Tyler tells him, Josh sighs.

“Don’t be a scaredy cat-” His hand slips into Tyler’s “C’mon”

Tyler followed the boy, his stomach brewing up a storm. His heart becoming a violent hurricane ready to wipe out a city or two.

The two made their way through the sand that glistened under the setting sun, the ocean held it’s shimmer; the waves rolling onto the shore. Josh led Tyler straight to the water and sat just a little ways off from it. Tyler hesitated to sit but Josh pulled him down.

“Now, take off your shoes” Josh grinned, already tugging off his.

Tyler obliged, pulling off his shoes.

“Now put your feet in the water” Josh said.

Tyler again, hesitated but slowly stretched out his legs into the small waves. The water was cool. It was refreshing.

Josh pulled his phone free from his pocket, hitting shuffle on his playlist. Radiohead’s Creep rung out in the air, the lyrics holding some sort of meaning to Josh.

 

_When you were here before,_

_Couldn't look you in the eye,_

_You're just like an angel,_

_Your skin makes me cry_

 

“Josh” Tyler utters. His voice is too low to be heard over the song. He’s slightly scared to tell him. He looks over at the boy, his feet in the water, his eyes on the sun; the breeze caught in his hair, a small pleased smile on his face.

 

_You float like a feather,_

_In a beautiful world,_

_I wish I was special_

 

“What is it Tyler?” Josh asks, not taking his eyes off the sun. He sees beauty, where Tyler sees just another thing Jenna is unable to see.

 

_You're so fucking special._

 

“Do you think….I’m normal?” Tyler says, he looks away from Josh, his gaze setting on his feet soaking in the water.

“What is ‘normal’ Tyler?”

 

_But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,_

_What the hell am I doing here?_

_I don't belong here._

 

“I don’t know what normal is anymore. I just...I feel….the world is better off without me in it trying to transform it” Tyler replies.

Josh straightens up beside him.

 

_I don't care if it hurts,_

_I want to have control,_

_I want a perfect body_

 

“Don’t think that Tyler” Josh says, his hand finding Tyler’s in the sand “Please”

 

_I want a perfect soul,_

_I want you to notice,_

_When I'm not around_

 

“But I can’t help but think that Josh. I’m a mess. I’m just broken...and I don’t know how to fix myself…”

 

_You're so fucking special_

 

“Why are you always certain that _you_ have to fix yourself? Why don’t you just let someone else fix you for once Tyler? If you need me, I will carry your burdens, I will be there for you, I will be the hero that you so desperately keep seeking for in yourself, let me fix you, let me take care of you, let me mend your broken heart let me just...just…. ” Josh trails off, emotion in his voice he turns to look at Tyler.

“Just?”

 

_I wish I was special._

 

“Just...let me love you” Josh breathes, looking at Tyler in the eyes, waiting for his reaction.

 

_Whatever makes you happy,_

_Whatever you want_

_You're so fucking special_

 

Tyler’s heart is racing. The feeling rising inside him, the overpowering desire inside his soul. He gulps, his hand tightens around Josh’s, the sun is sinking slowly into the deep blue ocean, the stars are beginning to peep out through the blue-pink sky; the moon taking over the sky. Tyler leans over to Josh, he places his lips on the boy’s. The warmth seeps in. The taste of him too; sweet, a little bit of coffee that he had drunk on the way over. His lips are soft, the stubble on his chin scratches Tyler’s. Their lips lock more passionately, arms wrapped around bodies, the ocean engulfs the sun. The sky grows dark. Stars twinkle brightly. Hands ruffle hair, sliding up a shirt slightly; testing its boundaries. Scared to go any further, scared that this moment will end; wishes to last forever.

And in the background, the song creeps to an end, a line spilling into the air as the moon shines down on the two boys lips brushing together, fingers inter-weaved.

_I wish I was special..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it isn't long enough but I'm tired so I'm sorry.


	6. On Melancholy Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisses come and go, Tyler knows that. But none felt like the one he had shared with the boy. It was magical, it was life-changing. So that's why Tyler can't seem to figure out why the boy had fled, or why his heart feels like another person he loves has slipped out of his grasps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I love Gorillaz. Also, I'm hungry. It's 11:11 Pm (my wish is for Joshler to exist, but I mean it already does so) If there's any mistakes let me know. Love you dudes. Thank you so much for reading this. Christmas chapter will be out on the 28th? or the 29th? It's a good one, I swear. (almost wrote, I sweat. that would be funny)

“ _Jenna loves me”_

“ _I know...don’t you think I know that?”_

“ _But...Debby-”_

“ _Don’t flatter yourself Tyler, I didn’t break up with her just so I could fall for you. That’s not how my mind works”_

“ _Oh” But that’s how mine does, he thought._

_-_

The sea had ate the sun, a wholesome meal fully devoured in blue and green. The Moon had rose, it’s confident white rays shined down upon the earth. Shining on the boys. Lips still tethered together like a rope around a drowning man.

But suddenly, as the waves roll in, brushing their feet with cold water, the boy with Sunset hair springs back.

“Uh….I-”

“Josh...what’s wrong?” Tyler asks, his face is red. Bright red.

Josh looks at him with such a strange look that it sends Tyler’s heart into a panic. Josh stands. Grabbing his phone, stuffing it into his pocket.

“I have to go..” He states.

“Go where?” Tyler asks. “Josh Please...Please!”

“I didn’t mean to this” Josh mutters, his eyes are moist, glistening in the light of the full moon. “I can’t… I didn’t mean to-I don’t want to take her place, I’m stupid” He utters, walking backwards, turning only to land in the sand. Tyler scrambles to his feet, heart racing. _No_ , he thinks, _no, no don’t leave me. Every one always leaves me._ But when he looks up, Josh is already running away, sunset hair bobbing away under street lamps. Tyler chases after him, but he’s always just one step faster. Until Tyler turns the corner and Josh isn’t there.

Tyler feels sick, violently sick like his last meal could come splashing out on his shaking hands any second. He checks the bushes, in case, maybe, just maybe Josh is pulling a prank on him instead he finds nothing. The world was pulling a prank on him. Making him believe he could have been happy.

Without any further questions and with the heavy burden of wondering was it his fault that Josh had fled, Tyler made his way home. Street lights soaking him in light he did not wish to be drenched in. He hated everything. For a second he wondered if he should go back to the ocean and let it eat him up like the sun had been. But his feet has been set homewards bound, so instead, he follows them.

He reaches his dark empty house, heart sinking faster than the titanic. His iceberg was a boy with pink hair. He hit him in a crucial spot; filling his heart with blood. His lungs filled with crimson. He was drowning, drowning on his mistake.

“I’m stupid” He says to the empty house. “I should kill myself. I should be dead! I should have died!” He screams, bashing his head off the wall; blood spurts from the cut that has formed on his forehead, blood pouring down his face. “I want to be dead, I want to be dead, I want to be dead” He chants, breath seeping out, head still banging with loud bangs against the white wall; red is on that too.

The house creaks and breathes in and then, then it falls silent. It had answered. It’s answer carrying to him, he was sure he had heard it say “Die then”

Tyler rushes to his room, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper. Blood is soaking the page, blood is soaking everything. He doesn’t care. Why should he care? A mistake like him shouldn’t.

His fingers scrawl whatever comes to mind, a letter destined to be unread; shoved under the bed, penned and ready for eyes that will never scan it. He’s scribbling, his handwriting is barely readable, red is all over the page, dripping in a rhythmic pattern. _Drip, drip, drip._ Ruby. Ruby flushes white. That’s all it has ever done. All Tyler has been is a mixture of dark colours. Once upon a time they were rainbow; swirling seas of orange and yellow. Now, now the waves are black. Grey skies. It’s like a monochrome painting. Not a spot of colour and then, then grey and white and black turns crimson. Always crimson. Soaked in it, Drenched and dripping. It rains crimson. From the heavens, from his eyes and his heart. Blood red. Such a dark colour.

Where has his rainbow gone? He wanted sky blue, he wanted anything but black and red or black and white. He wanted sunset pink. Why could he not get sunset pink?

For a moment, when their lips had locked; Tyler had felt his colours turning. Slowly slipping from monochrome and turning rainbow. For a moment, Tyler knew what happiness felt like again; the feeling that had slipped from his broken body six months ago, when he woke up to crimson and fell asleep to black. Tyler finally got his colours back. Then pale pink lips pulled away, Tyler’s colours left.

It’s just black and red, black and white. It’s never a rainbow.

The floor around him has pooled with blood, it’s warm on his feet. Still, his fingers clutch the pen, scribbling away. The pain on his head is nothing like the pain in his heart. Pain was like rain, a storm, lightning striking the sky. Sunset Pink calmed that sky, the black clouds always disappeared. It was always a bright day.

This time, he hadn’t fell back on his faith. Praying didn’t seem to work anyway. Hadn’t he spent every night praying for her to come back to him? Was God just too busy to answer?

Tyler leans back in his chair; his two page novel is a masterpiece covered in ruby red, the ink dries in and so does the blood. Making the page feel crisper. Tyler’s mouth cracks into a smile. His eyes running quickly over the name on the top.

_Dear Joshua William Dun._

-

It’s dark. It’s pitch black in fact. Well it would be if the sky wasn’t being lit up by the moon.

He stands. His clothes are in a pile on the sand. His body is waist deep in freezing cold waves. He could fall asleep here. His skin could float away and someone else could find him, naked, cold, _**dead.** _ He didn’t have the guts. Or did he, now that things had went so terribly wrong?

He thinks back to his depressed state. Before he had met Jenna Black. Pretty girl. His girl.

He thinks about the music he made. The sad songs at 3 am. The tears at 3 pm. The rocking himself to sleep in his bedroom.

_Here I come, come to you in the very clothes  
That I killed, killed you in and now I know I'm alone _

Tyler knew what he had felt when he wrote that. It was about one disaster. Him.

 _I walk to you, rain falls from you_  
_Can you wash me, can you drown me?_

Asking for death. Simply, to be rocked to sleep by the arms the ocean would cradle him in. He wanted that. Back then, he had wanted it less than he did right now. Back then, for some reason, he still had that tiny slice of hope taking up his heart. Now, every inch of hope had fled. Cold and alone, it had always suited him so well*.

 _I wanna be a lot of things, so much pent up inside of me_  
_I wanna be stronger, too long I've sat here undecidedly_  
_Planning strategy, half of me knows it's all just a fallacy_  
_Failing miserably, drastically and then I crash dramatically_  
_Into a wall I've hit a hundred times before_

A wall that stopped his heart from gaining the colours it needed. A wall, that as a defense was always up. A wall so high, not even he could climb it.

 _And yet I still ignore the dark red blood stains on the floor_  
_And I'm back in front of you, Lord, with the blood on the floor_  
_Is the blood mine or yours? Don't wanna do this anymore_

Because it’s getting to hard to tell the difference now. Has God ever heard him?

 _Back and forth between being me and who you call me to be_  
_You see a man free who thinks he has to buy a key_  
_To a door but he can't 'cause he's poor and he can't_  
_Fall down anymore 'cause he's already on the floor_  
_And his heart is broken and all and this is his call_  
_But it's more of a cry 'cause he will try nine times_  
_To realize nine crimes but he has more than nine lives_  
_So he picks himself up and keeps climbing for the prize again_

The prize is always something out of reach. Tyler knows this. He knows Jenna was a prize out of reach, yet for many years he had held her in his arms. Until the sea of black decided no more.

 _Here I come again to you_  
_Just to show that blood soaked through_  
_Through my bones and all I own_  
_Is there a way for me to grow?_  
_I walk to you, rain falls from you_  
_Can you wash me, can you drown me, please?_

Tyler dips his chin into the water, swimming further out, feeling cold enter all the parts of his naked self. The ground is getting hard to feel for. His toes brush the wet sand.

 _Every time I feel selfish ambition is taking my vision_  
_My crime is my sentence, repentance is taking commission_  
_It's taking a toll on my soul, I'm screaming submission and_  
_I don't know if I am dying or living_

The moon looks majestic. It is his only audience for the trick he Is about to pull off. He will make himself disappear.

 _'Cause I will save a face for name's sake_  
_Abuse grace, take a aim to obtain a new name in a newer place_  
_But my name is lame, I can't walk and I ain't the same_  
_And my name became a new destiny to the grave and_  
_They say the ocean's blue, but it's black right now_  
_In the dark, on the sand, looking out at my crowd_  
_Depression and drowning singing now the full parts_

He submerges himself in the waters, bubbles rising on the surface; lungs beginning to ache from the lack of oxygen. His eyes are closed, but moonlight filters through his eyelids. He hears the water rushing in his ears. Running wild and free like he will soon be.

 _Of lightning reveals where the ocean stops and the sky starts_  
_I've been told by the sky that the ocean I shall win_  
_But it's hard for me to see where ocean stops and sky begins_  
_A random strikes of light remind me of what is true_  
_But right now the ocean's blacker than black, the sky is too_

He begins to fade to black. Knowing this is what Jenna felt too. Knowing that soon enough, that bright light will come calling and every hurt he has ever felt, will disappear. And suddenly, his lungs crave air more now, desperately seeking to be filled with Oxygen. But he won’t let them win. Then, his life begins to flash through his mind; like a silent movie. He’s a child, a teen and adult falling helplessly in love with a girl who worn the sun like a crown. But right before it fades to black, wolf-like teeth emerge. Pink sunset hair. Eyes of chocolate brown. Smiles, hand holding, tears. A kiss.

Tyler’s head breaks out of the water, gasping wild for air. The ocean around him is black. Pitch black, it was about to hold a body; floating amongst it’s creatures, sinking to the sandy bottom. But now, that body walks out of the black water, pulls on his clothes and walks away; the slice of hope has finally returned.

-

Bradford stares at him, the wound on his head is a dark crimson colour. Dried over.

Bradford wants to ask the boy what he did this time. But would he just blame the monster that resides in him? Instead of feeling sorry for him, Bradford straightens his spine; pushes up his glasses and shuffles the papers on his desk.

The boy looks despondent, tired and always so broken. Bradford plasters his face with the smile that Tyler hates, the smile that the monster in him, wishes to tear apart.

“How are you?” Bradford finally asks after three minutes of utter silence.

Tyler scoffs. Why was he asking a question that he already knew the answer to?

“What do you think?”

“But last time...you were showing potential...”

“Last time I blacked out” Tyler looks up. The terror Bradford held in his eyes, confirming that his ‘friend’ paid a visit.

“Yes but before...he...took over, you were talking about a boy you met? What happened there?” Bradford smiles wider. Tyler hangs his head.

“That was over before it begun”

“What did you do Tyler?” Bradford asks. The automatic assumption that Tyler had been the reason Josh ran away. The reason he had disappeared. Tyler already knew it was him. This had just confirmed everyone else with a slight insight to the story, would too.

After five minutes of not answering, Bradford stands; turning on the little radio he kept on his window sill. It sputters to life. A song fills the silence.

 _Up on melancholy hill_  
_There's a plastic tree_  
_Are you here with me_  
_Just looking out on the day_  
_Of another dream_

Tears soak Tyler’s cheeks, unbeknownst to him, Bradford is recording this. Writing everything Tyler shows down in his little black book which is now brimming with Tyler’s nasty little secrets.

 _Well you can't get what you want_  
_But you can get me_  
_So let's set out to sea_  
_'Cause you are my medicine_  
_When you're close to me_  
_When you're close to me_

“What happened?” Bradford whispers softly. The song is doing wonders. Today he’d progress further, he’d finally know what was going on in Tyler’s head. He’d finally fill that black book with every last detail of a boy that was a mystery.

Tyler looks up, tears dripping from his chin.

“I don’t know” He breathes, his voice wobbly and thick with emotion.

“It’s always my fault though” he adds

 _So call in the submarines_  
_'Round the world will go_  
_Does anybody know her_  
_If we're looking out on the day_  
_Of another dream_

“How was it your fault?” Bradford asks. He is intrigued. The emotions Tyler is showing, he is near. He’s so close to breaking him.

“I...the sand...it was warm. The waves….cold” Tyler begins. His eyes glued to the floor but still with tears cascading down his face. Bradford scribbles it down, pen poised ready for Tyler’s next line.

“He was there….pink sunset. The moon...the ocean ate the sun but the moon...he was watching”

“Go on” Bradford urges, hand going as fast as it could to keep up with Tyler.

“I..was full...of darkness? You know. Monochrome colours. A splash of red now and then. He’s not like that” Tyler confesses, his eyes move; gaze settling on Bradford.

“He’s a rainbow”

Bradford looks up “Explain?”

“He’s full of colour. It radiates from him...I can see colour in him an ocean of colours. It bothers me...how can someone have that many colours? I’m only limited to four. Black, white, Grey...red. But he...he had...every colour spilling from his lips...and I wanted a taste of it” Tyler looks at Bradford.

“I’ve never been attracted to a man before”

Bradford can’t believe his ears. It’s one of the best things that has happened to him this week. He scribbles, barely able to keep the smile off of his face.

“It’s okay to like men, Tyler. My best friend is gay. He has liked a lot of men” Bradford reassures, but Tyler shakes his head.

“No...it’s not men...it’s not plural. I’ve seen handsome men in the street...but I don’t get the feelings I have when I look I at him, when my eyes meet theirs. It’s different” Tyler informs Bradford. He’s still looking at him. “I yearn for his colours”

“To replace your monochrome?” Bradford asks. Tyler nods.

“But not just that...I want him fully invested in me. I want him to calm my ocean of darkness with a touch of his colourful hand. I want him to fall for me the same way I have fallen for him”

_If you can't get what you want  
Then you come with me _

“Did you tell him that Tyler?” Bradford asks. He’s no longer writing. For once, he isn’t thinking about his pay cheque or the progress. He’s thinking about the broken boy in front of him. He’s thinking how tragic it must be to live like that; with himself. With thoughts that can kill you and the desire to drain colour from a boy that held them all.

“I tried...I did...Bradford...you have to believe me, I tried….when the stars came out. I leaned over...and my lips met his-”

“How did it feel?” Bradford smiles. He, for some reason, feels like a proud father.

 _Up on melancholy hill_  
_Sits a manatee_  
_Just looking out for the day_  
_When you're close to me_  
_When you're close to me_

Tyler grins through tears, laughing slightly “It felt like the entire sun was in my heart. Like a volcano had erupted and lava was burning orange. I felt the colours...they were flowing in me but….” Tyler’s smile fades.

“But what?” Bradford asks, eyebrows furrowing.

“But...” Tyler’s eyes lock with Bradford’s.

“But...I think he must have felt my distorted ones”

“Why do you think that?” Bradford questions, staring intently at the boy. Eyes full of wonder, waiting patiently for that next line to slip from his mouth, roll off his tongue, hit his ears. Would it be a line he wrote in his black book? Or a line he would keep to himself? Tyler’s eyes were still on his. Bradford didn’t feel uncomfortable. He felt like, in that second, Tyler trusted him.

“Because” Tyler breathes out, tears stream down his face; coating his open palms and the symbol of hope that he had tattooed on the inner side of his wrist. The symbol Josh had taught him.

“Because he fled Bradford...he left me behind” Tyler chokes out, sad smile now on his face, he whispers: "But...I guess..why would a rainbow want monochrome like me, right?"

_When you're close to me_

_-_

_Dear Joshua William Dun,_

_You will never read this, so fuck you. FUCK YOU._

_How dare you? My wrists had ran the same colour you would be holding in your hands, If I had any intention of giving you the satisfaction of reading this, of knowing exactly how my mind works but no. Why would I give someone like you that? The key to my heart is buried with a girl who had bright blue eyes and hair like the sun._

_And I have no desire to dig that up._

_But however, You’re the sunset._

_People would probably think the sunset is prettier. The sun is just always there, isn’t she? But the sunset, no, he comes at a special time, enters lives and then soon as the night threatens to slip in; the sunset disappears. Because he’s a fucking coward._

_All the way home, I thought it was me. Me? It’s not that hard to believe that I would blame myself, I’ve always done that, because I am always at the centre of my problems. So maybe it is me. Maybe I shouldn’t have thought I deserved a fucking rainbow for once. Maybe I will never deserve a rainbow. Maybe, black and red, black and white and grey is my colours. My own shades. They’d call the mix-Tyler’s Broken self; something like Blurryface._

_He lives in me. You’d know that if you spent time to care. When it fades to black, I feel him there. He’s the one who did this to my head, to my wrists. Probably to Jenna. He hated Jenna. He always hated Jenna. But for some fucking reason, he loved Sunset Pink since the moment he set his eyes on it. He did not want to harm sunset pink. That was until he had used my lips to kiss you. Until he had felt something begin to pry his hateful spirit from me. Your colourful hands._

_He wanted to die, that was the thing. He wanted his black and red and black and white and greys, drowned in the ocean of colours. But no. No, he was about to take a dip and you pulled away._

_Now he really fucking wants to snap your neck. He doesn’t want to see Sunset Pink anymore. He always loved crimson._

_So, the question is, do I let him? Do I let him tear your body apart for my own selfish pleasure? Do I get to watch him drench you in the same colour as this letter? Or Do I simply fall for your chocolate eyes and pink lips harder, and do I simply drown in my sea of distorted colours? My backwards rainbow._

_I hate you._

_Fucking hell, I hate you so much. I wish you were dead, or I wish you would just fucking disappear. I didn’t want you In my life. I didn’t want you in my house, your perverse eyes scanning every fucking thing. I did not want to visit your museum-quiet house and see the you that had giggled and played with toy trucks. I did not want to see the way you banged on your drums, feel the way your hands felt when they clutched mine. I did not want to sit in warm sand and feel cold waves wash our feet. I did not want to hear that fucking meaningful song. Lastly, I did not want to fucking kiss you whilst the moon took over the sky._

_But I did._

_And although I didn’t want to do any of that, I know I needed to. I know that he didn’t want me to do that. But he knows how much I need you. Maybe that’s why he feels such an urge to watch you fade to black. I don’t know If I can stop him. His hate rages inside me like the world war fucking two._

_But. But I have fallen for sunset pink hair and chocolate eyes and if love is the greatest power one could possess then I am the most powerful person on earth right now._

_If he eats me up, devours me whole and doesn’t threaten to use that same mouth to spit me back up then I will have accepted my fate. I will know that you will never see me again and I will never see you. I will be the sacrifice for your sins that you committed on that sandy beach. I’ve begun to understand why God died._

_The blood that soaks these pages, is mine. It’s not his. It’s mine, it’s always mine. That’s why he doesn’t like you because for a brief moment, when my breath rested on your lips; I thought you were mine. Sunset pink had swallowed me whole. But, like Jonah and the Whale, you spat me back upon that shore. Left me to sit in sack-cloth and ashes*, a beacon of my sorrow._

_Falling apart Is never easy. I’ve done it once before. So that’s why, I haven’t asked God to turn your feet around and bring you to my house. I give up. I won’t chase you because you don’t want me to._

_All I want you to know is that I crave Sunset Pink, Chocolate eyes and wolf-life teeth. I crave hardened palms tapping sticks against a drum. I crave smirks and the boy who loves frogger just as much as I did. I crave the sign you always leave me, the symbol of hope._

_All in all, Joshua William Dun. I crave you._

_And I have done from the moment you held my hand, warm and tender, star lit skies; dark blue blanket covered in diamonds and you, you telling me you’d always be here. I’ve craved you since your face shone on my pillow and you spoke about bicycles like it was life. I’ve craved you on that cliff-side, the sun shining on our faces; in our hearts. But it goes beyond that Josh, it goes as far as when you bumped into me, rain washed streets and the giving of your jacket._

_I crave you, like a smoker craves a cigarette. Nicotine needs to reside in me. You need to._

_I want you and you don’t know how badly I need you._

_But you never will. Will you?_

_Tell me why love must be so disastrous?_

_Because, I realised that now, I realised sitting here, slipping out of consciousness that Pink sunset hair will never truly be mine to hold._

_And I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt._

_Yours Truly (but not forever)  
_

_-Tyler Robert Joseph._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Panic! At The Disco line from Let’s Kill Tonight  
> *lines from On Melancholy Hill by Gorillaz  
> * Sack-cloth and ashes is what the people in the bible did, when Jonah told them their city would be destroyed. It showed their regret (?) for their sins, thus filling them with sorrow? I think I could be wrong. I think maybe it could be for the city. Shit, who knows? Read it yourself sometime.
> 
> *Me, sees Twenty One Pilots Live Vinyl*  
> *me in spongebob voice*: I NEED IT.


	7. A Galaxy of stars; all for you. (Christmas/New Years)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is surprised when he comes back, sunset pink has faded; but galaxy purple has rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay it's pretty short but I wrote this chapter on my IPad and it's the 30th and I'm tryna like plan fifteen other stories bc I'd usually do it tomorrow but hey I'm spending tomorrow with family. So I apologise for the length.

“ _Tyler’s clingy but he probably wouldn't want me to tell you that” Josh giggled as Tyler hid behind the tree._

  
_**A little clingy** , Tyler thought, **but just don't tell them how much I love you**_

  
**_-_ **

  
Tyler’s record player scratched loudly as the song started. It was something Jenna liked listening to. But right now, he was doing anything to forget someone who wasn't his wife. He took a large gulp of his whiskey; it burned his throats but it was good, good enough to help blur the mistakes in his mind. The ones that kept playing over and over like a video stuck on repeat. Tyler hated it.

  
He stood up, the living room is lonely, lonely without Josh’s presence but Tyler sways to the old song.

  
_I’m crazy for loving you_ …

  
Tyler’s eyes grew moist. He had to get out of this house, it held too much memories. It held the confession covered in ruby, upstairs under his bed; held separate from all the other love notes he had ever written. He had loved Jenna, he was sure of that but the feelings he felt for Josh, it was much stronger.

  
Tyler downs the rest of his whiskey and grabs his coat, blurry eyed as he opens his front door to the cold air and snow covered streets. He sighs.

  
The snow crunches underfoot; people stop and stare. Again, not used to the town celebrity made famous by his near death in a car crash. Made famous by her death in a car crash. Whispers had leaked into the air.

  
_You should kill them_. The voice uttered so loudly it was almost like someone was standing beside him, whispering it into his ear.

  
_Now c’mon, you made a promise, you said you’d do anything for me_. The voice snickered, echoing and bouncing around Tyler’s head. He hated him so much. He wasn’t going to listen to him. But the stares. They were digging into him, sinking into his bones; they saw it. He was sure. They saw his sick mind, the demon that lives inside there. He was sure they saw the three lights and how the fourth one was out; how it was cracked and the glass had fallen away, revealing a small hole, like an entree point for a bullet. It sparked wildly, still trying to light itself. Still trying to work.

  
Tyler keeps moving forward, snow still crunching under his feet, cold still biting at his face and his hands. He had to disappear, his feet turning and entering the first door his shaky hand could land on; pushing open the door. The cafè was small, quiet. Nobody but him and the barista shared the building. And the barista seemed more interested in her phone than she does with Tyler. For once he feels comfortable. He tugs his jacket off, drapes it over his forearm and walks up to the counter.

  
“What can I get you?” The girl asks in a bored tone, not even looking up from her phone.

  
_Now she’s pretty isn’t she? Could just slit her throat in a flash couldn’t you? It's been too long since you’ve been covered in someone else’s blood._

  
“I have never been covered in someone else’s blood” Tyler snaps back. The girl looks up, odd look in her eyes.

  
“Well….same?” She says, Tyler shakes his head.

  
“Sorry” he manages quietly “I’m a writer and sometimes I say lines out loud for full affect”

  
_Lying? Doesn't that feel good?_

  
“Oh” the girl’s expression softens “That's kinda crazy but whatever helps” she stared up at the board, just like Tyler is doing.

  
“You decided what you want yet?”

  
_You, dead_.

  
“Yeah...cappuccino” Tyler smiles at her, produces his money, drops change on the counter. The girl smiles.

  
“Your drink will be ready soon… take a seat…anywhere” she says. Tyler looks around his feet shuffling towards the seat by the window. He sits. There’s a song playing, some light sad tune that makes him think of sunset pink hair.

  
Lover  
I know you’re weary  
Eyes are tired  
From the night  
Lover  
Come to the kitchen floor  
Tiles are cold  
So am I

  
All Tyler wanted was his rainbow, why had he left him? Why did he just up and leave? Had kissing him been the biggest mistake tyler could have made?

 _So take from me_  
What you want  
What you need  
Take from me  
Whatever you want  
Whatever you need  
But lover  
Please stay  
With me

Because now, with the snow on the ground and his head in his hands; Tyler thinks deeply about what he had done. It was impulsive, just a quick kiss, a small taste of the boy’s pink lips was all he wanted. It wasn't supposed to last longer than a minute, but it had. It had lasted much longer than Tyler had expected.

  
_Lover_  
I feel your sorrow  
Pouring out  
Of your skin  
And I don’t want to be alone  
If I’m tonight  
I’ll always be

  
And really, he didn't expect much to come out of it. He, for some unknown reason, was oddly attracted to Josh and he thought if he just got that kiss-

  
_Ah, did you think you’d fall in love?_ His mind questions, giggling after he had spoke his sentence.

  
Tyler ignored him. He thought that the kiss would end his cravings; it just made them worse. Because now he wanted to feel his soft lips on His again.

 _So take from me_  
What you want  
What you need  
Take from me  
Whatever you want  
Whatever you need  
But lover  
Please stay  
With me  
Ohh

  
The voice in his head laughed louder, clouding his thoughts.

_Tyler, you love me remember? You’ve always loved me. Because it’s always been me and you.  
I’m the second face you wear. You know I control your anger.You know I can make it worse. I won’t let anything take you away from me. Not a girl who wore the sun and neither a boy born of sunsets._

_And I can see you_  
I can feel you  
Slipping through my hands  
Ohh  
I can taste you  
I can taste you

  
The voice continues, it’s hissing sounds awfully like a snake’s. One of satan’s many forms. _Oh Tyler, I got into her head as well. I made her do it. I made her go insane._

  
“Is that why you took her from me?” Tyler asks the open air through a quiet whisper, “because she loved me?”

  
_Why else would I take her? She was a threat to what we have Tyler. I know she was physically there and you loved to hold her hands and her body, but Tyler, I’ve always been here haven't I?_

  
“Did you make him go too…?” Tyler whispers.

 

  
_Slipping through my hands_  
Take from me  
What you want  
What you need  
Take from me

  
The voice whispers: _He was a threat. He always has been. So dangerously close to the edge of falling for him. Don't be dumb. He wouldn't love you? I’ve seen how black your insides are, you think his colour could fix you? Fix us? No! Tyler it never will. I will always be here. It’s my job to destroy you, pull you apart limb from limb. Don't you love me? I keep you grounded don't I? I put the guilt in your stomach when you're happy, you need me. The songs wouldn't come if it weren't for me. I care what you think, really. I do. But Tyler, you need me. Without me, you’d just be some other kid; in his basement trying to make it. I helped you._

  
_Whatever you want_  
Whatever you need  
My lover  
Please stay  
With me  
Ohh  
My lover  
Please stay  
With me*

  
Tyler let's out a small breath. It fogs up the cold window. His eyes are little moist. His coffee has been drunk. He doesn't know how long he’s sat there and argued with his own mind.

  
The girl appears in his field of vision and he looks up at her.

  
“Hey, listen” she slides him the key “look, I have to go-there’s been some sort of emergency” her fingers are trembling “my mother-” she stops talking, tears in her eyes “You can leave the key under the plant pot out back, just lock up for me”

  
“But…” Tyler looks at the key in his fingers.

  
“I know you're a complete stranger, but I think you're a decent guy and look my mother might die so please just do this okay?” The girl breathes, tears streaming down her face. Tyler nods, just to stop her from crying because he hates it when people cry in front of him. He doesn't need to see them at their weak points.

  
She thanks him, dashing out the door into the cold. He watches her leave and then glances around the empty cafè.

  
Tyler had worked in one as a kid, he remembered that. When he was 16 years old and needed money for a new phone after he broke his. He didn't really remember how he had managed to break it.

  
Tyler stood up, put his cup on the counter; slid two dollars on the counter and helped himself to a cupcake. It was too sweet for him. He rolled up his sleeves, turned the sign on the door to ‘closed’ and began to put the chairs up. Wipe the tables. He didn't want the girl to get into trouble. He was considerate of others.

  
He washed his cup in the sink at the back. Put the money he had left on counter in the cash machine. The bell above the door rung out as he was sweeping the floor.

  
“It's closed” Tyler states, his back turned to the door. Soft footsteps are his response.

  
“I said it's closed-” he turns around, eyes wide. Because Josh stood there, snow caught in his hair which was now a deep shade of purple. It looked like a galaxy, like space just sat swirling around his head; _a whole universe_.

  
“Josh?” Tyler breathed, blinking his eyes a few times to make sure he was really there. Josh smiled.

  
“What do you think?” He asked, stepping forward and shaking his hair free of snow. The galaxy purple was certainly different from sunset pink.

  
“Well...I love it” Tyler smiles “it reminds me of a galaxy”

  
“Really?” Josh beams “I love space” he smiles wide, happy. And Tyler forgets why he was ever angry at the boy in the first place. Josh takes another step forward. The scarf around his neck is a dark green colour, it compliments his purple hair and pale skin extremely well; Tyler gulps. In the days he had spent alone, he had forgotten how handsome Josh really was. His chocolate brown eyes made Tyler’s stomach churn wildly; lips a soft pink colour, the nose ring glittering under the cafè’s lights.

  
Josh frowns “You’re working on Christmas Eve?”

  
“It's Christmas Eve?” Tyler replies, the lights on the windows and the wreath on the door, both placed in plain sight somehow still managed to escape his attention.

  
_Should I change my name….Spooky Jim Christmas now becomes Josh Dun? They're going to hate me, ha ha._

  
“Yes Tyler, its Christmas Eve...When did you get a job?” Josh furrows his eyebrows glancing around him “and in a coffee shop too?”

  
“It's a cafè” Tyler corrects, although there wasn’t much difference between the words. Josh raises an eyebrow.

  
“Okay _Mister cafè_ , when the hell did you get a job?” He pulls the sweeping brush from Tyler’s hands and begins to sweep away, Tyler just watches him. Eyes full of adoration.

  
“I didn't….well I didn't get a job” Tyler replies, he sits on the counter; dangling his legs and watching Josh sweep the floor. “The owner asked me to lock up for her-she had to leave early for an emergency”

  
“So” Josh stopped sweeping and looked up “a _complete_ stranger trusted you another _complete_ stranger, to lock up for her?”

  
Tyler nodded. Josh let's out a low Whistle and then he looks at Tyler.

  
“Well I suppose I'd trust you too, you have trustworthy face” Josh says, finishing sweeping and getting on his knees to sweep the dirt into the dustpan.

  
“Trustworthy?” Tyler pouts, it's not exactly the word he would like to have describing him. He would've liked it if Josh had called him something else, something nicer. Something that would make his chest hurt and his heart burn away like a coal fire. Not, _trustworthy_.

  
Josh stands “Now don't make that face”

  
Tyler pouts more, just To be annoying but Josh grins; emptying the dustpan in the trash. “Is this because I called you ‘trustworthy’?” He says, making his way to Tyler sitting on the counter.

  
“Well… maybe...it's just you've never complimented me before-”

  
“That's a lie, I have!” Josh counters, he steps closer to Tyler, looking at him; eyes accidentally landing on Tyler’s lips.

  
“I don't think you have” Tyler breathes as Josh leans in a little closer, lips inches from touching. Would this be the second chance? The second rainbow? Would monochrome fade away?

  
“Well let me refresh your memory-” Josh whispers, Tyler feels his breath on his lips. His heart has jumped into his throat. “You're cute, adorable, lovable and down-right handsome” Josh breathes, finally closing the gap between them. Lips locking for a second time. The rush of it, the taste, the feeling-Tyler had almost forgotten how it felt, anger melted away with just one kiss. His stomach held a room full of butterflies, his heart was setting off fireworks. His bones were popping with electricity; he felt drunk, dizzy. So captivated by a boy with Galaxy purple hair.

  
He didn't want Josh to pull away, he almost let out a whine when Josh finally did pull away. The boy was grinning from ear to ear.

  
“Come on, I’ll drive you home” Josh says; lifting Tyler off the counter. Tyler laughed.

  
“You want to drive me home?”

  
“Of course. I want to spend Christmas with you-if you’ll let me that is” Josh states; the two leaving the cafè, locking the door and slipping the key under the plant pot at the back. They made their way to the car, both clambering inside as the cold was getting worse.

  
Tyler closed his door; noticing the red still staining the interior.

  
The bloody hands intertwined. Blood dripping on the floor, smeared on the car door. Josh was only a complete stranger at that time. Sunset pink hair and worried chocolate brown eyes.

  
_Why would a complete stranger save another stranger?_ The voice mocks, it's tone dripping with sarcasm.

  
But Tyler couldn't answer the question. He had no answer. No reply. Why _had_ a complete stranger at that time, decide to save him from his own self-destruction?

  
-

  
“Okay, open it” Josh says. The lights of the Christmas tree illuminate his face in a way that makes him look like an angel. Tyler smiles; his hand enters the bag, producing a red beanie. Tyler furrows his brows in confusion “a beanie?” He asks. It was hardly a romantic present. Tyler shuffled, crossing his legs and looking at Josh.

  
“No silly-a mask, It's for when you want to hide away from the world” Josh says, he tugs it over his on head; showing Tyler only his eyes and his mouth. Tyler grins.

  
“Thank you” he smiles, tugging it off of Josh’s head and holding it close to him. Tyler handed his present to Josh, Josh excitedly ripped open the present; drumsticks stared back at him. He looked up at Tyler, a small smile on his face.

  
“Because you tend to break drumsticks”

  
_Or lose them in the crowds._

  
“Thank you Ty” Josh grins, leaning in to the boy to kiss the boy on the cheek. Tyler blushes. “But honestly-” Josh begins, a red tint has settled on his cheeks; he’s nervously scratching the back of his head. “Your love was the greatest gift you could give me”

  
_I love you Josh, can’t you see that? She doesn't have to find out!  
Tyler...I_..

  
Tyler laughs, growing redder under the lights; he ruffles Josh’s hair.

  
“You never told me why you went purple, I miss sunset pink” Tyler frowns. Josh smiles, pulling Tyler closer; his chest rising in time with his.

  
“I mixed the blue and the red. I wanted to be reminded of you. A galaxy you said, and all of it is for you”  
-

  
The countdown was all Tyler needed. Sure they were alone, sure the house was quiet except for the TV present saying “4...3….2...1…”  
  
Tyler glanced at Josh. It was the best way to bring in the new year. With his sunset or his whole universe now, beside him. Holding his hand; cupping his face, leaning in and filling Tyler with all sorts of colours. Brilliant oranges, yellows and glowing Purples. Bright pinks and pastel greens. A rainbow, inside his lungs; where flowers now bloomed, instead of wilting.

  
_Don't think I'm done with you. You said you'd do anything for me; I'd do anything for you. I'd kill for you Tyler. Don't you forget that. You need me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *the song is Lover, Please stay by Nothing But Thieves 
> 
> If there's any mistakes let me know! Thank you for reading!


	8. Your Devilish Desire To Be Dead [1/2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blurryface wants to make him suffer...In ways he can't imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there's two parts to this little chapter thing, part 2 will finish in the next chapter. I'm sleepy.

“ _We must all learn to be happy when being alone; that is when things begin to change”_

“ _ **Bit of a hypocrite aren't you?”**_ _He_ _snickers_ “ _ **Has things changed for you? Now that you know I’m always here….face it, you’re never alone Tyler, so tell me, are you happy?”**_

_ - _

“What….have you...done?” Tyler breathes, hands shaking; fingers trembling as blood slips down his pale skin. His clothes are soaked in crimson, his face splattered like a piece of art. 

_ What have I done? I am you, it’s what you’ve done Tyler… _

“No I-I’m not capable of something so evil, I’m...this is your doing...I would never-”

_ But wouldn’t you Tyler?  _

Tyler’s eyes fall on his hands, covered in the thick liquid that’s warm and has coated his skin like water. Dripping like red rain on the ground, some of it splashing onto his sneakers. His white shirt was like a blank canvas, now it holds a story of boy insane. He wears a paint of red freckles, scattered wildly across his skin. Some on his mouth. There’s a river running from his nose, but not all the blood that’s on him belongs to it. He knows, he can almost smell it. The familiar smell of iron. A smell that doesn’t belong to him. 

_ After all, I am you. _

** **24 hours earlier** **

“What is your plans for today?” Josh asks, snaking his arms around Tyler’s waist, pulling him closer to rest his forehead on Tyler’s. Tyler beams happily, his own arms wrapping around Josh’s neck as they stand there, holding onto each other. Love drifting between each other, filling each other’s bodies to the core. Making them high off of the chemicals that their brains were seeping out.

“I don’t know...I wanted to go for a walk...just by myself...to get some air, I have to pick up my meds” Tyler breathes, his breath hitting Josh’s lips. Josh smiles, those familiar wolf like teeth making their appearance once again. Oh, how he loved those pearly white teeth.

“Well...I suppose I’ll just wait until you get back” Josh’s smile soon fades to a frown, but even sadness looks attractive on him. The way he holds that certain look in his eyes, has Tyler’s insides begging to help him.

“I won’t take long, you know I need my meds” Tyler replies, leaning in to plant a very soft kiss on Josh’s lips. But he was lying. He hadn’t a clue as to why the sentence kept coming out. His pills were always flushed down the toilet. He hadn’t taken them in the now seven months since his sun had left the earth. He hadn’t popped at least one of the red and white pills into his mouth and digested them. They were no good to him anyway. How could chemicals save himself from his own demise? No, only Josh could do that. Only the purple galaxy with chocolate eyes, wolf-like teeth and soft lips could be the hero in his tragic tale of woe and heartbreak.

But Tyler needed to be alone for an hour or two. He needed to talk to  _ him  _ to convince his demonic mind to leave him alone, to disappear and leave him to have some peace. 

“ I’ll be back soon” Tyler called out. The sun was shining brightly, a wonderful day. But nobody but Tyler could see the grey clouds and bolts of lighting in his mind; a thunderous rage  _ he  _ was brewing up. 

Tyler’s feet lead him to the cliff side, where he sat on the very edge; dangling his feet off the edge. The grey rocks tempting him.

“We need to talk” He says to the open air, squinting his eyes a little as the sun threatened to burn them out of their sockets if he didn’t. The waves crashed wildly down below. How quick and easy it would be if he just leapt off the edge, fell heavily through the air like a crashing plane.

_ I’m listening _

“ I want you gone Blurry. I want you to leave my body alone. I’m no longer yours to hold. I, no longer need you to grasp onto. You were a distorted life saver, a boat that was constantly filling up with water but  _ if  _ I just kept scooping up the water into a bucket and pouring it back out, I’d be able to make it. I’d be safe. But I was just lying to myself. I was just sinking but I wouldn’t let myself believe I was”

_So he’s become your ship without holes? Your paddles sloshing through water and pulling you safely back to shore? Are you kidding yourself, Tyler?_  


“I told you once, there would come a day where I did not need you. That day has come”

_ But you can’t just get rid of me this easily Tyler. I am not some fucking pill that can be flushed away. I am a fucking virus in your mind, I can take full control whenever I want. I will not leave. _

“I can make you leave” Tyler states. He produces the gun from his pocket. The gleaming silver barrel with it’s trigger wrapped around Tyler’s finger.

_ You’re going to shoot yourself?  _

Tyler raises the gun to his head. He never wanted Josh with him today for this specific reason. If he killed his mind, he’d stay alive. Maybe putting a bullet through his brain would be just what he needed.

_ You do realise that will harm you more than me? _

“It will still hurt you” Tyler counters, the cold barrel is now placed to his temple.

_Ha ha ha ha ha. I’m so scared._  


“Why are you laughing?” Tyler asks, confused.

_ YOU think a fucking BULLET can stop me Tyler? _

Tyler’s hand trembles, shaking violently; the gun lightly tapping his temple as his hand vibrates.

“I can fucking try to stop you!”

_ Oh you can try, but that doesn’t mean you’ll succeed Tyler _

The gun flies from his hand; silver glinting through the air as it lands in the waves below. Bouncing off the rocks before landing in the blue ocean; drowning it.

_ Now it’s your turn _

“No! Wait-”

Tyler’s body is flung forwards, gravity ripping him down with forceful hands. The air screams around him; filling his ears with a whoosh noise. Attacking his body, filling every inch with cold and then finally he hits the water. Sinking under, the water bubbling in his ears as he gasps for breath.

_ Your devilish desire to be dead is what I was born from, let me remind you what that feels like. _

Tyler gurgles in an attempt to respond, his feet find footing and tries to stand. The water drains from around him, his body hitting the cold ground with a wet thud. The silence now being disturbed by the loud gasps his body is making. A puddle has formed around him. The room is pitch black apart from the one light shining down on him. He pulls himself up onto his feet, his clothes wet and sticking to his body. He’s still gasping wildly.

_ You were a boy when you came to me. _

Smoke circles around him. Tugging at him, whispering and inviting him to play. 

_ A small fragile shaking teen, who was happy, who had a wonderful family but then...then you were lonely weren’t you? Your ‘friends’ weren’t enough. You came to me, I found you that day you tried to take all those pills but your body refused, chucking them back up and filling your bedroom floor with red and orange. I was born that day. Inside you. My roots were planted; my tree began to grow. _

Tyler breathes heavily as a galaxy swirls around him; dark, terrifying and so cold that he shivers. It swirls, forming an image; a replay of Tyler’s body lying on his bed, the red and orange soaking into his carpet. He wipes it from his mouth. Tears spilling down his cheeks. The day monochrome seeped in and stole his colours. Like a vulture swooping in and picking up his dead body.

The memory is still playing, his past self is crying violently. Tyler’s stomach churns at the sight of him lying there, sobbing so hard that his back arches and his body shakes. 

_ Would you like to meet the boy who birthed me? _

The invisible hands tug at him; turning him around and there he is. Past Tyler. Red and orange dripping from his lips. Eyes brimming with tears. The scars on his inner wrist are vibrate. Now on present Tyler, they’re faded. A reminder of failed attempts.

“You need him” Past Tyler says, voice full of echoes as he takes a step forward. His hand reaching for Tyler.

Tyler pulls back, “no” he replies but invisible hands push him forward.

“You need him...He helped us”

“He gave us nothing but pain!” Tyler screams back, his feet stumbling forward; he is only inches away from himself. Staring into his own pain filled eyes.

“You’re wrong” Past Tyler states “He was there for us when we had nobody else”

“We had the whole world-” Tyler replies, grabbing past Tyler and shaking him “WE HAD THE FUCKING WORLD AND HE RAINED FIRE ON US. WE WERE FINE, HE BROKE US”

His past self disappears from his fingers. Leaving him clutching nothing. 

_ Talking to yourself? Isn’t that a bit wild? _

“I fucking...hate you...I want you gone! Do you hear me you piece of fucking shit! I want you out of my head!” Tyler screams, banging his fist into his temple over and over again. The wonderful hurt from the pain he’s getting is all his body craves.

_Oh now you’re just pleasuring me Tyler._ The voice snickers, the noise bouncing around in the dark.

Tyler’s knuckles are bust, the side of his temple is too and warm blood trickles down the side of his face as his heart bursts with a terrible aching pain. He steps forward, clouds of smoke are wrapping their dainty little fingers around his soul. Tugging and pulling.Trapping him in his selfish hurt.

_ Even without me, you’d still be insane, you’d still be just a boy with a fucking sick brain. You’re mental, the voices you keep hearing Tyler are your own. You keep labeling your own emotions as lies. I am not this ‘blurryface’ you’ve created. I am not your enemy there’s no need to kill me. I am you Tyler. I am the part of you that is the greatest. That is not weak. That isn’t in pain. I am strong. If you let me, I can make you strong. I can build you so far up like the tower of babylon, but you wouldn’t crumble. There would be no more voices. Just ours, mixed like water and wine. Diluted blood, but it would be so much better. It wouldn’t make us weaker. We’d be unstoppable. _

“You’d make me a fucking slave?” Tyler hisses into the open air as clouds of smoke dance around him like hypnotising girls.

_ A slave? A slave obeys Tyler. You’d be making the rules. I’d be your slave. _

Then an image swirls in front of him. He’s standing there. Bullet proof in black like a funeral. Untouchable like the sky. Crowds screaming. His skin lathered in black paint, his fingers slathered in it. His neck smudged charcoal. His smile is wide but it’s scary. It’s not reassuring. It is not happy.

“Listen to him Tyler. I’m the you, that he can make. They love us Tyler”

_ They love us Tyler, they’re going wild out there _ , Josh’s voice rings loud and clear in his head. Tyler’s eyes are slightly moist, his future is reaching out to him with his darkened hands. He could shake hands with him, let his fingers lace with the dark parts of his thoughts. But a galaxy of purple shines in his mind and he can’t bring himself to do it. His hand falls to his side.

“That will not become me” He states and Future Tyler laughs, a horrendous twisted laugh as the image closes in front of him, swirling red and black; twisting together like blood and ink. Tyler stumbles back, landing on his backside, his knees up and his hands on the floor supporting him. Invisible hands grab him; smearing his neck, his hands are pulled, coated in black, like they had stuck them in a fire and let them blacken. Then he’s propped up. Staring in the mirror. An image of him. But his eyes are red, his neck is smudged black; his hands are black too. He is pale, a wicked smile dancing on his pale purple lips. He looks insane. Terrifying, like how you imagined the devil to look.

“That’s...not me…” Tyler whispers, the reflection cocks its head to the left.

“This is you. This is you if you accept me” It replies.

Tyler shakes his head “I won’t do it. I don’t need you”

“Oh but I beg to differ, Tyler. You relied on me until Jenna came along and I couldn’t have that”

“You took control of her mind?” Tyler says, blinking back tears. The reflection grins wider.

“Oh no, your loving wife had her own demons. I just simply whispered a little command”

“I will _never_ accept you, I will never let you take over me” Tyler hisses, his knuckle drawing back and then slamming loudly into the mirror; the glass smashing, shards dropping to the ground.

The voice chuckles.

“Are you angry Tyler?” He asks, Tyler turns around and there he is. The version of him that is all monochrome and crimson. The version of him with black hands and a black neck. The strong one. Whose wrists are constantly dripping with blood.

“....who….are you?” Tyler doesn’t know why he asks. He already knows who that is. His twin, the evil one. It snickers. It’s pearly white teeth are stained red.

“ I’m Blurryface. I’m  _ you” _

Blurryface steps forward, the light revealing more of his twisted image. The red beanie sitting on his head, Tyler eyes it. Covering his mouth in shock. Blurryface raises his eyebrows.

“Do you like it? It was a mask. Something to hide behind but you know what. I have no need to hide, Tyler. It has become a crown, and now I’m here ready to reclaim my throne. Oh I could kill you. Take that terrible excuse for a vessel and let my soul fill it. I could twist your neck and the cracking of it would fill my ears like the sweetest symphony. I could rip open your chest and take that pumping piece of shit heart and squeeze the life out of it. I could kill you, I don’t need your permission Tyler”

“So why don’t you?” Tyler retorts, stepping forward. Meeting Blurryface’s gaze. His red eyes are scanning his face, his snake-like tongue slithering out and hissing like the animal itself.

“Do it” Tyler says raising his chin up higher “Go on you fucker, break my neck!” He screams.

Blurry’s smile fades and he just stands there watching Tyler. His eyes rolling all over him. Silence fills the room.

“You can’t can you?” Tyler replies “You can’t because you’re obsessed with me. You want to _be_ me”

“That’s not it!” He counters, his black hands grabbing Tyler’s neck and squeezing. “I would never want to be as fucking pathetic as you are!” He screams. Tyler’s choking, attempting to breathe but he can’t. His body is scrambling; pleading for air.

“Even...if...you...hate….Josh….then….why” Tyler chokes out “Why...not...just...send...me back...to before...I met him”

Blurry let’s go as Tyler gulps in the air like a fish gulping water.

  
“Like I’d waste my fucking time” He spits “No Tyler, No, I can make it all worse, you being dead is what you want. You being on the verge of dying is what I can give. I can make you break. YOU WERE NOTHING! I MADE YOU!” Blurry screams, stepping backwards; shadows drowning him.

“I can destroy you in ways that aren’t even physical. Do you remember what it was like before me? Before I played you like I was the puppeteer? Everything you’ve created were my words. I was speaking, you were listening. I’m the infestation in your mind’s imagination. I am you. I know your weaknesses. I can destroy you” He chuckles, disappearing. His faint laughter is still heard. 

-

Laughter is still echoing when Tyler awakes on crisp white sheets. Sun shining through the window. He pulls his head up, glancing around. The room looks similar to his own, yet different. The clothes lying on the floor in a bundle are not his. 

“I’m in the bathroom, honey!” A voice calls out. The sweetness of it, is like honey. Tyler stands to his feet.

“It can’t be” He whispers but the bathroom door opens and the steam leaks out and there she is. His stomach churns at the sight of her. The way the water glistens on her skin. Her damp blonde hair. How the towel fits around her bare body.

He steps back, clasping a hand over his mouth as hot tears make their way down his face. She’s smiling, the sun hitting her back; making her whole body glow like an angel’s. He'd almost forgotten what she looked like. Tyler’s heart is racing, he takes a step forward. His hand reaching out for her. The footsteps by the doorway interrupt him and Tyler’s eyes flicker to the frame standing there. His chocolate brown eyes filled with admiration. His pale pink lips stretched back to reveal those wolf-like teeth. His hair's vibrant pink, there’s a cap covering it but tufts stick out.

“Mmm, there you are” He says, making his way over to the girl. His hands clasping around her waist and pulling her closer; his lips meeting hers as the sun shines down on both of them.

“No” Tyler whispers. But they can’t hear him. They can’t see him. 

“No!” He screams louder, but their lips are still locked and Tyler is breaking apart, falling helplessly onto the ground. 

She giggles as he plants a kiss on her neck. His smile fading slightly.

“Today’s the day...May 17th” Josh smiles bitterly. Jenna slips from his grasp, approaching the calendar as Josh sighs heavily.

“It’s been three years…” She mutters. Her fingers tracing the outline of her handwriting, her eyes falling to the picture on top of the dresser. His brown eyes soft and gentle.

“I can’t believe it’s been three years since he-” She stops talking, too pained to say the next sentence because they had once been in love.

“Since he died” Josh finishes. He looks away from her “I miss him”

“Me too” Jenna says. Her hand finds Josh’s.

“I’m right here” Tyler breathes, his knees on the floor. Tears rolling down his cheeks. “Please, I’m right here”

“We need to get the flowers”

“Yeah I’ll stop by Parsons. Say hi to him and his wife” Josh states, he leans over and kisses Jenna’s lips the same way he had once kissed Tyler’s. He slips from the room, Tyler hears the front door close behind him and he watches Jenna. She sits on the bed, reaching her hand underneath and pulling free the bundle of letters. Her hands opening them up, fingers tracing faded handwriting; tears dripping on the page.

His letters. His love letters to her. She kept them.

Tyler’s gut screeched and he reached for her. His hand zipping right through her and he began to sob. He screamed "Please, you have to see me Jenna!" but she couldn't.   


Her fingers reached for a pen, a slice of crisp white paper and then she began to write a letter to a boy who’d never receive it. Because she had hung lonely like the moon in the sky, for years, without him. But the prince, with pink sunset hair had won her over. She wasn’t alone anymore. She had his warmth but he wasn’t him. He held similarities, they were best friends after all but, he wasn’t him. And when she finishes her letter, she slips it into the stack with the others. With the 500 page novel, full of hurt, heart break, sadness and confessions.

“Please...stop this…” Tyler whispers. His eyes still on the girl who’s crying, wearing the sun like a crown. Her skin pale, her eyes bluer than the ocean. 

_ I told you I’d make you beg for death. I’m not done yet. _

* * *

  
_**To be continued in Part 2….**_


	9. The Whole World [2/2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong feelings lead to something not so innocent. Blurryface shows Tyler worlds he never even thought of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't wrote in sometime. I didn't want to come back to this, you'll see why. I already had it half written and I had to finish it and I left it because two weeks ago, I lost my Grandma and a lot of shit just was too much to cope with. I apologise.

**_“I need something to kill me”_ **

 

_Ask and ye shall receive._

 

_-_

_Tyler.. Tyler wake up. I told you I wasn’t done yet._

Tyler’s eyes fluttered open. The rain beat down on him, soaking him to the bone. Something about this seemed familiar. He blinked a couple times, the grey sky stared back at him. He heard footsteps. The crunch of dead leaves underfoot; the sound of crying. He sat up, red and white roses fell off of his body. His eyes adjusted. The coffin was black. Tyler stood up, pairs of eyes looked down at him; tear filled eyes, hands throwing dirt and more flowers that bounced off his body and landed somewhere behind him. Tyler’s heart beat increased.

“Help me” He breathed, but none of them seemed to notice him there. They just kept looking past him. Tyler gulped, his fingers dug into the wet earth as he scrambled to pull himself out. He slipped, he lost his footing more than once. But finally, he made it out. He pulled himself free; he puffed and panted, his back landed with a thud in the wet dirt as he looked at the figures clad in black. Tears were dropping like the rain. Tyler wiped the mud off his hands, his stomach flipping as he wanted desperately to know, who exactly they were looking at in that coffin, if he wasn’t there. He stood to his feet. His fingers clutched a red rose, something he hadn’t picked up or had before, where had it come from? Slowly Tyler approached the edge, his slender frame leaning over to peer down at the dead body.

And there, with dark eyelashes and soft brown hair; wearing a black suit, with pale skin and purple lips, was himself. Rain drops had gathered on his dead skin. The rose slipped from his fingers, landing with a loud echoing thud. Tyler gasped, falling back on his behind; mud splashed around him. No, this couldn’t be happening.

His eyes scanned the faces of family members as the priest said the words. Josh stood there, his bright pink hair plastered to his forehead as the rain grew heavier. Jenna stood beside him. Their hands clasped for comfort. For the loss of someone close to them.

“What...is...this?”

Tyler felt a hand on his shoulder, his eyes travelled behind him; staring at red eyes and black hands.

“Oh this?” Blurryface whispered, his nails digging into Tyler’s skin. “This is what would have happened if I hadn’t saved you. If you had choked on your vomit, if I hadn’t come to your rescue”

“No..that’s...not possible...there’s no way you’d be...you’d be-” Tyler stopped talking, his fingers trembled, his body worse still. Blurryface’s smile twisted into the most evil disgusting smile Tyler had ever seen.

“Your hero?” He breathed, his tongue slithering out of his mouth. “Oh but Tyler, that’s exactly what I am”

Tears filled Tyler’s eyes, his body gave way to the shakes. Blurryface let out a laugh. A sickening laugh, that would haunt Tyler for years to come. “Let me show you what would have happened if I didn’t save you”

Blurryface stood up, clicking his fingers; the world seemed to spin as Josh now sat alone at a white sheeted table, as other people milled about, carrying plates of food and talking in hushed tones about the pink haired boy. His eyes were rimmed a vibrant red colour, a colour Tyler knew certainly well. “Keep watching” Blurryface whispered to Tyler, as he took a seat on the ground beside him. Nobody saw them. 

Jenna crossed the room, her black dress clung to her body. Tyler blinked back tears. She sat down at the same table. Didn’t say a word, just slipped her hand into his. Blurryface sighed “I forgot how boring this one is, for fuck sake” clicking his fingers again; the world blurred by a second time. Now the Sunset boy and the sunshine girl, were in a white sheeted bed. Hands exploring bodies; lips meeting, load moans that Tyler wished he couldn’t hear.

“There we are” Blurryface murmured, grinning. He turned to Tyler, as Tyler stared at the floor trying to not look, trying to not see the boy he loves and the girl he once loved, together in a way only lovers should be.

“No no no!” Blurryface yelled, his black painted fingers snatched up Tyler’s face, forcefully raising his head “Tyler! It’s no fun for me if you don’t watch. Now open your eyes” Blurry hissed, Tyler’s eyes remained shut.

“I _said_ open your _fucking_ eyes” Blurry barked, his tongue blacker than his hands. Despite his protests, Tyler’s eyes opened; they wouldn’t close. They focused solely on the girl and the boy. Tears slid down his face and Blurryface chuckled from beside him.

“Guess how long it has been since your funeral” He said, he was enjoying this. He was enjoying seeing Tyler break. He loved breaking him. It gave him such a thrill.

Tyler didn’t reply. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to know, he really didn’t want to know how long it had been. “Oh, be that way then spoilsport” Blurryface pouted, turning his gaze away from Tyler. “But I’m going to tell you anyway Tyler” He informed him, his eyes turning back to the crying boy. His black painted fingers trailed down Tyler’s neck, his red eyes followed them. “It’s been three days” He crowed with delight “She _fucks_ your best friend after _three_ days of you being buried”

“Please stop” Tyler whimpers. He sounds just like a small child. A fragile little thing that Blurryface can be the puppet master of.

“Stop?” Blurryface replied, confusion on his face “But Tyler, I don’t want to. We’re _not_ even at the best part” His fingers click again.

The children look like her. But they have his brown eyes. They have his pale pink lips. They have her sunshine hair. They have her golden skin. They sit on the ground, scribbling, laughing. The parents sit curled up on the couch, her head on his shoulder, his hand wrapped around her. A sight that makes Tyler sick to his stomach.

“You know what the best part about this is?” Blurryface imparts. This time he’s not looking at Tyler. His eyes are on the precious little kids. “Is that her future with Josh is way better than her future was with you-which reminds me!” Blurryface states, clapping his hands together “Would you like to see your future with her?”

“No” Tyler replies coldly.  The little blonde girl on the floor is drawing a red and black world. It’s like she knows.

“Yes? It’s opposite day Tyler, no means yes and yes means yes-oh yeah, I completely forgot I changed the rules” another click of his fingers.

The house has lost its warmth. It’s dark. Wallpaper is peeling off the wall. The blonde girl is sitting on the couch, her head in her hands. There’s scars on the inner side of her wrist; bruises trail up her pale legs. There’s a little boy on the ground. He has short brown hair and bright blue eyes. He has Tyler’s nose. No doubt about it, he’d someday grow up to be a real looker. But he won’t. There’s crimson circling him. Pouring from his head. His chest doesn’t rise. There is no breath seeping out into the cold air. He has made no movement. His eyes are dead and so is he.

Tyler’s heart sits in his throat, like a frog perched on a log. Ready to leap out at any moment. Tyler’s eyes travel to the man standing there. He’s clutching a bottle of whiskey and a gun in his other hand. It is pointed at the blonde girl. “Just do it” She whispers “Just fucking do it Tyler, do it, kill me. Kill me. KILL M-” the gun goes off before she finishes her sentence. Her body slumps back on the couch; the blood leaves a red trail down her face as it leaves her head.

The other Tyler, is shaking. Tears are in his eyes. He turns the gun on himself. His mouth opening, the cold steel entering. The trigger is pulled; the back of his head hits the wall.

“As you can see, this is the worst outcome and personally-” Blurryface said, he steps over the bodies, he squats down beside the dead Tyler; his fingers tracing the gun “this one is my favourite!”  He admits in a sing-song voice as he pulls the gun free, pointing it at Tyler. “You see, there’s many different outcomes. Many fucked up stories and blah blah happy endings,  But this one, oh this _one_ Tyler-” He sighs a content sigh, his red eyes returning to the dead body “This one is the perfect mix of insanity and bloodshed. The pain this _you_ carries, is brilliant-so fucking brilliant, so much so that he goes as far as to murder his family! Why? Well because he can for one, because ever since he got his hands on that precious little blonde, he would leave his mark on her. Those pretty little blue and red marks. Those wonderful little painful things. And his best friend? Him? He tried to help, it’s so fucking funny, because he tries to help the poor bastard! But you know what he gets? A broken nose. And then of course, after that they don’t talk. But that doesn’t stop the little sunshine from meeting him at nights, doesn’t stop her from sucking his dick and screaming his name out. So then, the little fuck comes along and he has your nose and you swear to her ‘I’m going to change’ but of course, your veins find alcohol and it makes you feel so fucking good. So fucking wonderful. So then, the little boy you vowed to protect, now needs protected by you! Its fucking wonderful. A plot twist, a beautiful fucking thing. Then Sunshine bitch, gets knocked up, but you’ve been too busy sticking your dick into local whores that you haven’t had time to fuck her, so the question comes, who has been bedding your wife? Who’s little shit is she carrying in her womb? Then you get to questioning ‘Gee-golly, I wonder if little Tyler Jr. is even mine?’ And despite having a similar nose to yours, this you finds out that-” Blurryface stands, wicked smile on his face as he pretends to fix an invisible tie “That you sir! Are not the child’s father!” He states in a false voice.

“So you see Tyler-” He says, stepping back over the bodies, meeting Tyler’s gaze. “He has to kill them. Because the rage inside him is too much to be contained. Then it ends here. In this room. Rotting bodies and bullet holes that the renovators will fill in, but they just can’t seem to scrub the blood stain out of the wooden floor” He finishes, his eyes scanning the room once more.

“I hate you” Tyler hisses, Blurryface turns to him “Oh baby, you don’t mean it...do...you?” He gasps sarcastically. His fingers snap again. The black abyss shrouds them a second time.

“The funny thing is” Blurry begins, dropping the gun on a table that seems to just appear out of nowhere “Is all these alternative endings to your life...well they’re all certainly different. There’s ones where you die, ones where you live, ones where Jenna dies, ones where she lives, ones where you fuck Jenna, ones where you fuck Josh and I don’t know-It just got me to thinking you know?” He turns back to Tyler.

“Who would you rather have then?”

“Excuse me?” Tyler asks. He’s had enough, seen enough shit. He’s tired. He’s broken. He wants to be left alone.

“Well…” Blurry says, raising an eyebrow “If perchance, you were...let’s say.. _.given_ the... _opportunity_ to be with either Josh or Jenna who would it be?”

“I wish I could fucking kill you-”

“Tsk tsk” Blurry tuts back “Words like that only turn me on” he chuckles “But really Tyler, if you had to pick one-”

“I would not pick between my wife and my bestfriend”

“Bestfriend? I didn’t know bestfriends screwed around-”

“I didn’t screw Josh” Tyler counters. He feels better now that he’s standing up to him, to his own fucking mind.

“Oh...but didn’t you?” Blurry giggles.

“I didn’t”

 

“Hmm...okay” Blurryface replies, turning away from him.

“But if you had to choose would it be sunshine girl-”

The abyss cracked open a wall, golden light shined out and there she was. Jenna. Looking like some sorrowful goddess.With ocean blue eyes full of pain and hurt. “Tyler please” She whispered and in that moment Tyler’s everything seemed to shatter, because she could see him, she had said his name; she was looking at him and conversing with him and it had been so many months since that had happened so many months since her blue eyes had seen him.

“Or tell me, Tyler, you starting to swing the other way?”

And then there he was. Josh, with his purple hair and scared brown eyes and glittering nose ring and pale pink lips and he looked small and terrified despite his punk hair and tattoo and nose ring, he looked like a little boy who needed to be shielded from the oncoming storm. “Tyler….” He breathed.

“Because” Blurryface began, turning back around, his black coated hands wielding a large silver knife “Because, Tyler if you had to choose which lover’s throat I had to slit, who would you sacrifice?”

Tyler gulped, his eyes darting back and forth between a pleading Jenna and a crying Josh.

“She’s already dead!” Tyler screams, tears staining his face. Blurry looks at him “But I could fix that. If you chose his throat, I could bring her back to you. I could make it all okay again-but if you chose Jenna’s throat well, I’d let you live in perfect harmony with the alien boy”

“You can’t make me choose” Tyler retorted. He had fallen to his knees once again.

“Sure I can” Blurryface retorted “Just pick one or I can take both”

“Jenna” Tyler blurts out. She screams. Blurryface smiles and rolls his eyes “Of course you’re thinking with your dick again” one quick flash of silver.

Crimson drowned him again.

-

Tyler’s eyes opened. The couch was stiff and hadn’t done anything good for his back. He shuffled, the blanket that had been covering him, had slipped off during the night leaving him cold. His mind went to the thought of her, the dream he had was a nightmare-he had been living in a nightmare the moment she died, but watching her throat open that way was gruesome. Was vivid and disgusting and it would stick with him forever.

Tyler shivered and stood up, reaching down and picking up the blanket, tugging it around himself. He was alone in his dark dreary house. Galaxy purple couldn’t be seen. He didn’t want to see it either. Because, he couldn’t get the image of Sunshine being drowned in red. Of saving Galaxy purple and letting the sunshine die. Instead he stood there, silently, staring at the ground; deep in thought.

He didn’t really know why he picked her. He loved her more than Josh, he was sure of that. Three years together certainly trumped a month and half of cuddles and metaphors. Of forgetting and remembering. Of being saved. Of a first kiss and songs full of meaning. So why had he screamed her name? Why had he sacrificed a girl he had spent most of his life with, for a boy he had just met? It made no sense.

The front door opened and Tyler’s gaze broke away from the ground only to meet Josh’s.

“You slept on the couch?” He asked, as he closed the door. Tyler nodded. He wasn’t sure why he had slept on the couch. He had a perfectly good bed upstairs.

Josh sighed “You’re lying to me”

“I’m not” Tyler replied. He furrowed his brows in confusion. Josh sighed in reply, shaking his head.

“I came down here at 6: 30 and you were nowhere to be found” Josh looked at him, he couldn’t understand what he was saying. If he wasn’t here at 6:30 asleep on the couch, then where was he?

“I...I probably went for a walk”

“You _probably_ went for a walk?” Josh echoed, he took a step forward and furrowed his eyebrows “You don’t even know where you were?”

“Unfortunately Joshua, I haven’t exactly been blessed with a perfect memory” Tyler retorted. He sounded bitter. Mean mostly. Why was he being mean?

“I was worried”

“You were worried? I can handle myself Josh-”

“Tyler don’t be like that”  


“You should be worried...you’re sharing a house with a monster, I’d watch out if I were you-”

“Is that a threat?!” Josh said, raising his voice, he took another step forward “Do not threaten me Tyler”

Tyler laughed in response “Or what, Pretty boy?” He took a step forward, his eyes locked on Josh’s lips. He wanted to kiss him, he wanted to so badly. “Are you going to tell me off?”

“No..not...exactly…”Josh gulped audibly, a fine red tint had pinched his cheeks. Tyler took another step forward, making Josh take one back. “I didn’t think you would” Tyler states lowly, his voice is husky, his body is a firework. It’s ready to go off.

“To be honest Josh, you’ve been a little bit out of line lately” Another step forward “And I don’t like people who are out of line” And another “I think I may just have to do something about that” And another step. Eventually, the purple haired boy found himself with no place to run; his back against the smooth cold wall. Tyler pressed up dangerously against him.

“T..y..ler..” Josh breathed, he gulped again, the fire in his stomach was raging out of all control. If Tyler didn’t step back something would happen, something not-so innocent.

But Tyler was done with playing the innocent little fragile boy who could burst into tears at any moment; he was in need of gaining control, a certain power, he needed it. “Josh” He replied sternly, his eyes still targeting the boy’s lips. He could feel Josh’s body underneath him, feel the curves and the shape and it was setting him on fire. A mixture of feelings ran through his body. He was angry, he wanted to kill Josh, to strangle him, to rip him apart and watch him bleed. But the other feeling was lust, and he wanted Josh in more ways. He didn’t want him dead. He wanted him under him. He wanted himself _in_ him. He wanted his hands to explore the mysterious places that Josh hadn’t let him explore yet. It was exciting, the whole idea of it made his stomach ache with desire. He had never wanted someone so much in all his life.

“Oh Josh you were so out of line” Tyler breathed, Josh felt his breath on his face; he was trying his best to breathe but all the air in his lungs had left him. Tyler placed his hand behind Josh’s head, his head inched closer, tilting to meld with Josh’s. His lips met the boy’s. A fiery passionate kiss, followed by hands slipping up a shirt and then, the two boys made their way upstairs. Clothes being flung onto the floor along the way.

-

He stood there, the building loomed over him. It was a pretty building, an architectural beauty, with lots of glass windows and a perfect green lawn.The pool water rippled, the breeze was light. He walked up the pathway, quietly, like a mouse. His fingers twitched and ached for the crime he was about to commit. The backdoor was unlocked.

_How stupid._

Tyler slipped in, the low lighting created a lot of shadows for him to hide in. He snuck from room to room. Heard the sound of typing and soft classical music. This is where he’d begin his game. If the man thought he could get into his head, then Tyler would make sure he got inside his.

He slipped his phone free from his pocket and within a few seconds, he had connected to the network; connected to the man’s laptop. Changing the music, to a sinister song.

“What the-” Bradford exclaimed, Tyler watched from the shadows as the man crossed the room, tapping his laptop in an attempt to bring the music back. It was no use. Tyler needed a theme song. Killers always did.

_Go tell Aunt Rhody_

_Go tell Aunt Rhody_

_Go tell Aunt Rhody that everybody is dead_

“Hello Bradford” Tyler grinned, stepping forward. Bradford’s eyes widened. He loved that. The fear the man held in his eyes. Oh how he loved that.

“T-Tyler…”

“Oh no, not Tyler” Tyler cackled, he cracked his neck, staring directly into Bradford’s eyes.

“You….” Bradford whispered. He took a step back, but the wall met him.

“Hello, I should probably introduce myself” Tyler stated “You see, I’m a monster In a boy’s body, I cannot be contained by him for very long. It’s only a matter of a time before I come crawling back out and when I do, I always acquire a rather strange taste for blood”

“Tyler...I can get you help...plea-”

“NOT TYLER!” He screamed, the vein in his neck popping.

 

_I was raised in a deep dark hole_

_The prisoner with no parole_

_They locked me up and took my soul_

_Shame though what they made_

 

“Blurry...face...sir…” Bradford mumbled out, he was trembling. No real man trembles before he dies.

_Fucking coward._

“Bradford...Oh Bradford” He chuckled, swinging the large knife around and around “You always tried to tell him to get rid of me. Well, I think it’s time I got rid of you”

“Please don’t” Bradford whimpered, the pool of piss soaked through his grey sweatpants. It dripped onto the floor, covering his feet.

“Disgusting” Blurryface grimaced, but he began to grin. He grabbed the man by the throat. “Maybe you should lick it up like the dog that you are”

“please..I have a family…” Bradford stuttered out.

“Oh, where are they? Should I get them to help you?” Blurryface retorted, pulling the man closer “You really wanna see them die in front of you?” He whispered into the man’s ear, Bradford shook his head and he threw him to the ground.

_I called him and he will come_

_She'll answer him like he is the one_

_His arms outstretched but when she's done_

_He'll be torn apart!_

 

“Then lick it up”

“Please...don’t do this...Tyler”

“I AM NOT TYLER!” Blurryface screamed, he grabbed the man’s neck, pushed it towards the ground; further and further down “I SAID LICK IT UP DOG”

Bradford’s tears slipped down his cheeks, mixing with the yellow puddle on the ground; his tongue slowly slipped out of his mouth, it slowly dipped into the puddle; Bradford gagged, vomit threatening to splash the ground.

“If you puke, I’ll make you eat it. Go on, you must be thirsty doggy all that talking probably makes you thirsty” Blurry hissed, petting the man’s head as if he were an animal. Bradford gulped, and let his tongue clean up the mess he had made. He cried, sobbed like a child in fact.

“I’m thirsty too if I’m being honest” Blurryface said, smiling down at Bradford when the man finally looked up. With one swish of his knife, Bradford’s neck erupted open; a crimson waterfall spurted out, covering the cream carpets; soaking them red. "Bradford! Look at the mess you've made!" Blurryface chuckled, cupping his hands in front of the man’s neck, the blood soaked his hands, pooling in his palms. He raised the warm liquid to his mouth, gulping it down like water. Through blood-stained teeth, he laughed.

_Go tell Aunt Rhody that_

_Everybody is_

_Everybody is_

_Everybody is_

_Dead_

_-_

“You were out late again last night” Josh said from the bed. He was shirtless, his clothed bottom half lay underneath the covers. Tyler stood by the wardrobe, tugging on a black t-shirt.

“I know” Tyler said, “I think I fell asleep somewhere again”

“Bad habit”

“I know Josh, stop hounding me man” Tyler bit back. Shrugging out of his pyjama bottoms. Josh fiddled with the white sheets.

“I was just here alone...waiting for you to come home. But you didn’t until I was asleep”

“Sorry” Tyler muttered. He stared at himself in the mirror. Black eyes stared back.

“Tyler, you’re being distant again” Josh whined, sitting up in the bed. The radio cracked out a popular song. Something about being in love.

“I’m not Josh, for fuck sake” Tyler hissed, turning to face the boy “What do you want? You wanna watch me all the time? I need my own space, can I have my own space?”

“Yeah Tyler you can….just...you’re not supposed to leave a naked boy waiting” Josh huffed, biting his lip. Tyler’s stomach was hit with a flock of butterflies. He smirked. Crossing the room and clambering onto the bed. His eyes filled with lust as he made his way over to the boy.

“Nah” Josh said, smacking Tyler’s hand away “I’m not in the mood”

Tyler laughed at his response, he leaned in; his teeth sinking into Josh’s neck. Josh let out a small moan.

“I said no...Tyler...fuck”

“It doesn’t feel like you’re saying no” Tyler replied, climbing on top of the boy; leaving a trail of kisses from his mouth to his chest. “Your body certainly isn’t”

“I...you...made...me...wait” Josh whimpered from underneath him.

“Waiting makes it so much better” Tyler replied, before dipping in for another kiss.

The song on the radio ended, but the two boys were too busy and too loud to hear the news that the presenter spat out. About a dead body, found in a glass house, his throat slit; black paint smeared on his dead skin.

“Dr.Bradford was found in his home this morning. The backdoor of his house was unlocked, but security footage found no evidence of anyone coming in. The police are stating that they originally thought death may have been a suicide, but they are now saying it is somewhat unlikely due to the markings carved into the man’s chest followed by a name: B L U R R Y F A C E”

  
_I’ve got his whole world in my hands..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Song is by Jordan Reyne, it is used for the Resident Evil 7 intro. I love Resident Evil.


	10. Mercurial.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's mood swings affect Josh-until he remembers something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY, I have not posted and I know! But my laptop broke so I sent it to get fixed they couldn't fix it so there was a hassle in getting a new one but I finally did and I'm back and I've done it hello.

_ “I can't believe we took our pants off” Josh laughed. Josh didn't have Debby anymore. Jenna was busy with attending the after party. _

_ Tyler said he was sick. _

_ They’re alone. _

_ “It's different though, it will stick with people” Tyler states, tugging off his shirt; red scars stare at Josh. _

_ “Well at least a Grammy isn't the only thing I take my pants off for” Josh grinned, biting his lip. _

_ Tyler smiled. He needed him in ways he never needed Jenna. _

_ - _

The bedroom was soaked in sunshine. The sheets crumpled around their naked frames. It was a picture perfect scene, their hands interwoven like thorns on roses. The radiating warmth between them was beautiful, their hearts beating as one.

Tyler’s eyes fluttered open, the day outside was dreary. His bed was cold, his hand was wrapped around a sad Crumpled pillow. He could have sworn moments ago it was different, it was a heavenly dream he was sharing with the boy. The sky changed quickly, their emotions fled the scene of the crime. Because he was still acting strange. He was still reeling.

“I still need to know” He states, tugging on his shirt over his head as he looks at Tyler’s naked frame, spread out in the bed. Tyler huffs, sitting up a little, reaching for a carton of cigarettes that were placed on the bedside table.

He blinks at him. “Tyler, what the fuck? Honestly, what is wrong with you? You’re ignoring me, and you've gotten...so-” The boy cuts himself off, breaking his gaze away from Tyler who is lying back down, cigarette dangling from his mouth as he lights it. Amber flashes and smoke rises.

“Bored?” Tyler offers up a word when silence has hung heavily in the air for a few moments. He gulps. His face turning a shade of red he cannot hide.

“Josh-”

“For fuck sake!” The boy yells, throwing his hands up in the air “Tyler you're fucking insane...I can't do this anymore!” 

Tyler peers up at the boy through hazy eyes, smoke drifting between them. His eyes focus. He was insane. He knew that, he didn't need to be told. 

“I've done a lot of shit things for money” The boy screams, he’s snatching up his clothes now; bundling them up into one big ball that he holds in his arms. “I'm not ‘Josh’ and I don't fucking know who that is. I'm Max? Maxwell?” He offers up his name and sighs when he realises that Tyler certainly isn't showing any indication that he recognises the boy in front of him, that or he doesn't care.

“You've been fucking me for the last two weeks, calling me ‘josh’ I can't handle it. It's weird it's fucking weird, you won't even tell me why” He continues. Tyler’s response comes in the form of a puff of smoke as he turns over in the bed, his back to the stranger. He knew. It's just he hadn't seen Josh in those two weeks. They had made love, then he went away. Again. It was something about this complete stranger that he had taken a liking too. Maybe the flicker in his brown eyes or the not-so galaxy purple hair he messily had on his head but Tyler needed the release, he needed someone just a day or two or maybe a week or two. Did it matter? No. It didn't. Because he clearly still wanted it to be Josh.

“You can go now, I don't want you anymore” Tyler huffs, his back still turned. The stranger rambles on about how it's just so ironic how the world has done this to him again. He yells something along the lines of “fucking weirdo” throwing Tyler’s money back at him. The door slams shut with a loud bang that rattles the motel room. He feels like a cheap whore and he can't imagine how that other kid feels. Tyler suddenly can't stand the stench of this place.

He gets out of bed, stubs the cigarette out in the ashtray. He wanted Josh, needed him more than anything. He was addictive. See what leaving him had done? He tried to find anything to stop the craving, took up stupid things to rid himself of the addiction. It didn't work. It never worked. He always thought about Josh.

Tyler’s fist connected with the motel wall, slamming right through and leaving a gaping hole staring back at him. Blood gathered on his knuckles. He tugged on his shirt, buttoning it up. He didn't want to be reminded of this place now, he felt sick to his stomach. Because now he thought why had he done this? Why had he relied on a stranger? Seemed he had a thing for strangers. Bumping into them on rain filled streets or picking them up at a bar. But even if he forgot this whole event, the strange boy wouldn't; his stupid replacement Wouldn't forget this. Tyler had left his mark on him, on the wall and in the ash tray. It happened; the falling of Tyler Joseph, and his stupid little replacement addictions. Happened right here in this motel room. Evidence was everywhere. 

It came as a total surprise when he unlocked his front door and Josh was there. Not the stranger he had spent two weeks paying to play the boy, no, it was him. His pale pink lips looking dangerously inviting as he sat on the stairway, staring at Tyler like he was a husband caught cheating. He was gone. What was Tyler supposed to do? 

“Wondered when you'd come back” Josh muttered, he seems disappointed. Clearly he would be. If he knew what Tyler had done, that would be fucking embarrassing. Instead he says “Just...felt strange when we...you know”

“So you ran away?” Tyler responds, chucking his keys on the coffee table in the living room; Josh followed him.

“What else could I do?” Josh retorts. He casts his gaze to his feet, like he’s scared Tyler will do something completely wrong to him again. “I don't know” Tyler huffs, sliding a cigarette in between his lips “Stay? Maybe? That was an option you know”

“What are you doing?” Josh asks, his brows furrowed as he watches Tyler light up his stick of tobacco and suck on it in a way that isn't innocent. Tyler bats his eyelashes, glaring at Josh with slight distaste. He's fucking pissed that little Joshua Dun ran out on him again. Because he can't fucking handle a dick in his ass.

“Smoking, what else does it look like?” Tyler bites back, rolling up his sleeves, the cigarette moves to his slender fingers; smoke wafting into the air. Tyler’s eyes are moving all over Josh’s body, it's clear now that he's made a reappearance, Tyler wants to quit the fake fill ins and go head first for the real thing but that wouldn't be good, he'd let Josh explain himself first, before he fucked him senseless in the bedroom upstairs.

“You don't  _ smoke”  _ Josh states, he sounds stern. Oh but his bottom lip is wobbling slightly and he’s sort of afraid of how Tyler makes him feel. Tyler scoffs, a cruel smile tugging on those pale lips. 

“I do now”

“Since when?” Josh asks, his anger has gotten the better of him; he steps forward, pulling the cigarette out of Tyler’s fingers and stubbing it out. Tyler’s not so happy about that, he grabs Josh’s wrist; fingernails digging into flesh. “Since you decided to leave me all alone, boy, I ain't too happy about that you know” Tyler states through gritted teeth. Josh stares back at him,  it takes everything in him not to wince in pain because Tyler’s grip is getting more and more painful as each second passes.

“What? You're not happy about me running away?” Josh pouts, sarcasm dripping from his rose pink lips. “What a shame, Tyler, what a sham-” Josh is cut off by the hand smacking into the side of his face, a painful sting like a thousand bees have stung him. He swallows his words.

“Get the fuck out of my house” Tyler snarls viciously. His fingers finally loosening off of Josh’s wrist. Josh smiles bitterly “Or what Tyler? What are you going to do if I don't get out of your house?” Josh states. Tyler stares at him, his eyes flicking over Josh’s lips. 

“Don't make me do it” Tyler pants, his voice comes out low and husky because he's been playing make believe for the last fourteen days and now, fucking now, Josh is in front of him and his stomach is doing somersaults and his heart is screaming.

“I'm not making you do anything” Josh breathes in return, Tyler feels the boy’s breath fan his face. An action that makes his heart twist further. 

“I missed you” Tyler utters weakly, it's stupid, he shouldn't be this weak. Shouldn't stare so long or be so captivated by this boy and his chocolate brown eyes. But he is.

“Did you?” Josh replies, he’s pulling away. The side of his face is bright red, the outline of a hand mark is prominent and Tyler feels guilt begin to suffocate him. “Did you miss me Tyler?” Josh retorts, his tone is mocking, his eyes are judgemental. “Because you smell like smoke, Tyler” Josh hisses “Smoke and  _ sex _ , so you can't have missed me all that much? Since you were fucking someone else”

Tyler swallows his saliva “So?”

Josh’s eyebrows rise “ _ So?”  _  He echoes, staring at Tyler in disbelief like he can't believe he just did that to him. Tyler shrugs, snatching up another cigarette in his fingers and lighting it. Puffing out grey clouds just to fucking piss Josh off.

“So what? I fucked someone else” Tyler says calmly “You weren't around, I got lonely”

“ _ Lonely?! _ ” Josh laughs a bitter laugh “you spent six fucking months after your wife died alone, but I disappear for two weeks and someone else is in your bed!” he turns away from Tyler, like he’s too sickening to look at. Still laughing bitterly he whispers “lonely” and scoffs. He’s mocking him again. Being a sarcastic cunt. He’d knock some sense into him, or fuck it into him-either way he’d know not to do this again, to be so damn out of line.

“You don’t get to mention her” Tyler barks back, pushing Josh against the wall, his forearm shoved tightly against his throat. “You don't fucking get to mention her!”

Josh stares at him, but Tyler notices the lack of fear in his eyes. He just stares blankly. “Okay Tyler” He returns calmly, pushing the boy off of him “I won’t mention your beloved sunshine girl, but you stay away from me from no-”

“No” Tyler cuts him off “No, I need you”

Josh scoffs, his arms drop to his side. He chuckles lightly. Like it’s a joke. It could be, but Tyler’s serious. He’s always so serious. “You need me?”

“More than air” Tyler replies. He sounds weak. No doubt Blurryface would laugh at him, a little boy pleading for his boyfriend to come on home. Could he call him that? Boyfriend? Is that what he was to him? that term seemed familiar to Tyler.

“I’ve spent too much time...being here Tyler. Being this person...this…” Josh sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You can’t bully me, into being this...submissive little boy” 

Tyler frowns, no, something is ringing in his head, that certain  _ ding _ noise of a deja vu. “Are you listening to me?” Josh asks, but Tyler feels dizzy, his feet fumble and he He falls back. “Tyler?” Josh calls out worriedly, but Tyler’s mind is spinning, swirling around like ocean waves.

“Jenna...” He whispers. He closes his eyes, in his mind it plays out. She’s yelling at him, screaming. Saying she’ll leave if he doesn’t tell her who it is. “Who is it?!” She screams, there’s tears streaming down her face, there’s pieces of a smashed vase lying directly under his bare feet. He must’ve stood on something, there’s sticky wet blood staining his skin. But she’s still asking who it is.

Tyler looks up at her. “It’s some girl” he lies. Oh that’s come easy to him now hasn’t it? Adam lied to god in Eden, that’s where we learned it from. She says “Who? I want to know her name, I want to know the name of the girl you’d throw a two year relationship out of the window for?” She’s clasping something in her hands, a hotel key. She called them up. Yeah, simple to find out that he’s been cheating. She demanded to see his phone, it’s only suspicious now because he won’t give it to her. Not before he could delete those late night lonely texts. The hotel key came from a book someone told him about. Easy to hide lovers in false homes.

He can’t say a name, he doesn’t know one. It won’t spill from his mouth. It won’t come out. There’s bruises on his arms, who put those there? “She’s left her little mark on you hasn’t she?” Jenna hisses, pointing to his neck. Tyler’s fingers run over the little bump of the bruise. His bloody lip is another tell-tale sign, but for what? 

“I got scared maybe you’d been hurt, you tell me you're doing boxing? Oh is pain one of your sick little kinks now? because I go to find bandages and I come back with a hotel key and you won’t give me your phone, you disappear all the time and you won’t tell me her name, I know you don't get a hotel key for one of your little boxing pals, so tell me who is she?!” Jenna states.

“Him” Tyler says, soft smile on his lips. “It’s not a girl Jenna, I’m  _ fucking  _ a boy"

Jenna covers her mouth, more tears rolling down her cheeks as she stares at him in disgust.

Tyler locks eyes with her “And I don’t love you anymore, I love  _ him”  _

Tyler’s eyes open and Josh is looking down at him, a worried expression on his face. “Are you okay?”

Tyler nods in response, and stands up with ease. No longer feeling dizzy. However it’s replaying in his mind. He was already messing around with someone when he was with Jenna, but who? Who had left a trail of bruises on his arms? Had she beat him? Was Jenna really that violent?

“I need...to...I need-” Tyler snatches up his keys, stumbling out the front door. “Where are you going?” Josh responds, but Tyler is too caught up in his daze to answer. He needed to talk to someone.

 

“What do you mean ‘he’s dead’?” Tyler asked, the girl behind the desk sighed. “Just that Mr.Joseph, Dr.Bradford was murdered the other day, don’t you watch the news?” She asks. Tyler shakes his head. She smiles softly. “We can set you up with ano-”

“No” Tyler cuts her off, waving his hand “No, that’s okay. Just...he had something of mine, would I be allowed to head into his office to see if I could get it?”

The girl looks uncertain, her eyes taking in Tyler’s form. The way he stands, the smell of smoke on his skin and the bags under his eyes. She keeps looking. He’d have to turn on the charm if he was to get anywhere. He gulps, she’s pretty, she really is. But his interests have changed. He only ever loved one girl, and now he’s chasing after men. But he’d  have to do this, he needed into that office.

He tugged on a cocky little grin. “I’ll be quick” He states leaning on her desk. She stares up at him, blue eyes blinking back. “Sir-” “Hayley? What a pretty name, suits a pretty girl” that gains him a blush. She smiles. Now, he takes a strand of her ginger hair, twirls it around his finger and begins whispering all sorts of things. His other finger trails down her face. It goes further still.

Twenty two minutes later, Tyler is buckling up his belt as he descends down the corridor towards Bradford’s office. She was lonely really, you could tell that from the missing wedding ring and the cat hair tucked into the fibres of her jacket. The elevator was put to good use. Shame he thought about a boy instead. Tyler slips into the office, nothing had been touched, he crawls under the “do not cross: crime scene” yellow tape and makes his way over to the desk. He opens the drawer, reading through the names and finding his folder. It hadn’t been touched, that was a good sign. He pulled it free, tucking it under his shirt and slipping out. He couldn’t let the world know that his alter fucking ego had murdered someone. They wouldn’t believe him if he said he couldn’t remember a thing. They’d force him to confess. Boys like him wouldn’t last long in prison.

He can’t remember. He has to though. He needs to. Was he there?

-

The same question comes from the police an hour later. Two men staring at him. “Where were you on the night Bradford was killed?”

Tyler’s insides are trembling. “Here” he replies. He’s not sure if he was.

One of the men scribbles everything that leaps from Tyler’s mouth down into his little book.

“Can anyone support that?”

“My friend Josh”

“And where is this ‘josh’ now?”

“I don’t know…he likes to go for walks and things”

“Should we wait till he comes back?”

“No, he doesn’t live here”

“Do you know his address?”

“No, not really”

“So” The officer drags out the word, staring at Tyler through suspicious eyes. “Josh and you met how..?”

“On the street, about a couple months back”

“Just bumped into each other?”

“Yeah...I was coming back from uh...the graveyard..I was leaving flowers for my girlfriend”

“Oh...Sorry for your loss”

“It was ages ago, but thank you” Tyler states. The police nod. They leave soon after. But Tyer can’t get the image of Bradford out of his head, the image of his face when he got scared, when Tyler let blurryface take over that day in the office. He was terrified. Tyler trudges upstairs, the folder sits on his desk, staring at him. Whispering at him the same way pandora’s box whispers to mortal men. He eyes it, he knows his deepest darkest secrets are all tucked away in that folder, written by a man who assumed to know what Tyler really was like. How would it be, to see his actions written from the point of view of a man who seemed to be scared of him most of the time? It would have the same strange feel as it does when you relate to a character in a story, when the name is different, but the character, it just  _ feels _ like you.

Tyler bites his nails, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to steal the folder, but he had to. He had to, the girl won’t admit to fucking him in an elevator, she will say she had seen him but she won’t get involved. Nobody, but himself and Dr.Bradford knew that he was Blurryface. Nobody knew, and that lead to the death of one of them knowing, how soon would it be before Tyler was thrown under the same bus. How long before his own mind killed him?

Tyler sat down at the desk, his slender fingers resting upon the mustard brown paper. He flipped open the folder, it was pages thick; a therapist’s dream. The money was probably flooding through into his bank account. His parents thought a fucking stranger could make him better, in someway, maybe Bradford had. He was the only one who knew the whole truth. It felt a bit better to share the burden with someone else, but that same burden got him killed. Tyler’s eyes scan the notes all perfectly scrawled in Bradford’s looped handwriting. Paperwork with various doctor like terms and a picture of Tyler with things noted underneath. Tyler immediately starts reading, from the very first appointment.

_ May 9th 2016. Patient: Tyler Robert Joseph. Session: 1 _

_ Tyler hardly spoke the entire time, most of our session was filled with sighs and quick glances to my office door and the timer I have in the corner of my office. Tyler looks like he’d rather be anywhere else. He sits in a broken way, which could only come from the loss of his wife. -Notes: mentioning Jenna sees to urk him in some way, his eyes flash with a hint of anger.  _ _ He does not like me speaking about her!!! _

 

_ June 5th 2016. Patient: Tyler Robert Joseph.  Session: 12 _

_ More frequent visits and probably the pills I had a doctor prescribe to Tyler, seem to have affected his mood enough to open up about one thing. He talks about a car crash. He mentions a certain name, he says it is ringing to him from the past. When asked for the name, Tyler immediately shuts his mouth. Possible trauma? _

 

_ June 15th 2016. Patient: Tyler Robert Joseph. Session: 13. _

_ It was a surprise to have Tyler turn up at my house at 5 am, but I did tell the boy I was here for him if he ever needed me. He seems to have forgotten the events of our last session, I ask for the name and he looks puzzled. Put that down to the amnesia. Always hard to get information from patients like him. When he turned up at my house, I could notice straight away how terrified he looked. He wouldn’t tell me why, he said he couldn’t, he just asked for more pills. I asked what for, and if his current dose was not substantial. He told me he just needed more. When I refused, he sobbed into one of my pillows, thanked me and walked out. _   
  


_ August 21st 2016. Patient: Tyler Robert Joseph. Session: 14 _

_ I was surprised to see Tyler in my office, could not hardly believe my ears when Hayley told me. He sat still very still, and quiet. Reminded me of the first day I met him, many months back. He didn’t say much, despite clearly looking like he wanted to- _

Tyler flips forward, unable to read through history, his eyes settled on the page. 

“ _ Blurryface has made a return. Whether or not Tyler is aware of  _ _ his _ _ violent side I’m not certain, he seems to be under the influence of this ‘Blurryface’ but despite my attempts it seems I have no fruits to bare as Tyler will not at all mention this demon that seems to be toying with him” _

Tyler lets out a sigh, a large one, his eyes scan further down the page, of notes that Bradford made; ones even out how Tyler explained his monochrome colours. Reading this, well he had always been so against Bradford, always thought he was just trying to syphon his thoughts to turn them into dollars. But the man was truly on his side. Did he have a family? Tyler wonders if he did, if he had taken the life of an innocent man to fill his bloodthirsty side. Maybe Tyler would pray to God about it later, ask for forgiveness. All sin is apparently the same in the Lord’s eyes, but Tyler felt that murder was probably one of the most vile. 

The creak of the stairs made him look up, and when he did he saw Josh standing in the doorway. A white shirt clasped tightly to his torso, a pair of dark jeans clad on his legs. Usual attire. But no, something was different, something had changed. Because no longer did Galaxy Purple exist, no, bright yellow did. He had dyed his hair bright yellow. He had become his  _ sunshine boy  _ erasing the existence of a certain girl who used to have the same affect on his heart. 

Tyler gulps audibly, emotions sticking in his throat. Why yellow? Why? Why become the sun when he had already become everything else to Tyler? Why?

Tyler couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“Felt like a change” Josh states, sitting on the edge of Tyler’s bed. Tyler’s eyes never left his head. It was like history repeating itself but it had changed. The same outcome as Oswald not shooting Kennedy, Hitler not taking the lives of innocent Jews,  _ Jenna not dying. _ It would have been different. It would have lead to something right? The remembrance of that certain memory had inflicted itself back into Tyler’s brain. Of course, if Jenna hadn’t died, what would have happened between them? He told her, no, he  _ broke _ her with the news. He let it slip that he seemed to lean towards his own team, and she knew that. She did. So even if she hadn’t died, they still would have split ways, she would exist without him and he would do the same. In a way, to her, he would have been the one to die. The boy she loved, the one who vowed to love her until death had parted them. He had done just that. He had. Or had he? 

Take him back to Dallas in ‘63, and he would have taken the bullet for Kennedy. Not because he wanted to save the man, no, purely it was for his own selfish intentions. Tyler would eat a bullet if he could, watch it fly out the back of his head. Because he hurt the one person he had promised to love. Now his own voice replayed in his mind, sickening him to the core.  _ I don’t love you, I don’t love you, I don’t love you... _

Who had Tyler fell for? What boy had stolen his heart away from Jenna’s grasp? No, maybe he was just mad, maybe he just wanted her to hurt. Oh, but the hotel key? Evidence taken from the scene of the crime. No, he  _ had _ been rolling around in those hotel sheets with someone else. He  _ had _ cheated on her, and he couldn’t remember who it was with. He couldn’t remember the name of the person he had thrown away a two year relationship for. Jenna had the right to look at him in disgust, because he was disgusting, not in the sense that his lover was a man, in the sense that he had ruined her life with one damn sentence.

His eyes lock with Josh on the bed. Something familiar clicks inside him. No, it wasn’t him, Tyler only met him a few months back,  _ he  _ didn’t even know Jenna. So it was someone else.

“You’re not speaking?” Josh asks “You don’t like it?” He forces a grin. Of course it’s forced because right now Josh probably hates him for running out on him like he did. Like he’s always running from his damn problems instead of fucking facing them. Coward-like King. Tyler straightens up in his chair. Where does he start? When Josh looks at him, he wonders what he sees, could he see the fact that just under an hour ago, he was screwing some girl in an elevator to steal a folder that held all his little secrets? A folder that could have him arrested?

“What’s wrong Tyler, you can tell me” Josh pleads, now it’s his turn to sound desperate. Tyler still doesn’t respond. Sunshine was her thing, how could Josh steal it?

“Why did you dye your hair?” Tyler asks through gritted teeth, but he won’t look at Josh. Josh shifts uncomfortably. “I told you, I needed a change”

“Right” Tyler says sarcastically. Josh furrows his eyebrows “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re acting like a dick because I  _ dyed  _ my hair?!”

Tyler realised he was acting like an idiot, of course Josh didn’t know Jenna had been his sunshine, of course he hadn’t a clue. Tyler sighs heavily. “I’m sorry” He says, crossing the room towards Josh and sitting down on the bed beside him “I’m so sorry, I’ve been an ass”

“No..I’m sorry, I’ve been a bit shitty too” Josh says, his hand slowly clasping Tyler’s. Tyler smiles at him, at his sunshine boy. Josh smiles back, until his smile falters slightly. His fingers reach up towards Tyler’s neck, pulling away his hoodie. His eyes fill with a slight glare and his wolf-like teeth show.

“Is that lipstick on your neck?” he asks, but his tone is serious, straight forward and slightly terrifying. Tyler’s hands quickly reach up to cover the spot. How could he be so dumb? His mind flashes back to Hayley kissing his neck passionately as he ripped off her shirt.

“I-I can-”

“What?” Josh cuts him off, standing up “You can fucking explain? Sure, go on, explain why you fucked someone else today?” He smiles but it’s twisted, and he’s so angry, Tyler can tell. Tyler’s mouth goes dry “I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you”

“Excuse me?”

“Josh, I did something I had to do. And quite frankly, if it wasn’t for the image of your naked body in my mind, I would not have been able to get through it” Tyler says standing up. Josh blinks in confusion. “What…” His eyebrows furrow in rage “What a fucking good excuse!”

“Josh-” But Josh is already turning away, ready to leave. But Tyler can’t have that. He can’t not after the day he has had. He grabs him by the arm, pulling him back with all the force he could. Josh lands on the bed, his eyes staring up at Tyler. Tyler breathes heavily, the anger is building inside him. He reaches down, unbuckling his belt for the second time today. 

“No” Josh states plainly, he tries to get up but Tyler pushes him back down. He gulps audibly. 

“I don’t like you, using that word Josh” Tyler says, he unbuttons his jeans Josh stares, that’s all he can do, that’s all he has ever been able to do is stare at the boy’s broken beauty. Tyler climbs on top of him, his face inching closer towards Josh’s. “Tyler...I said no…” Josh whispers, but he’s trembling and  _ he _ does want this but Tyler was with someone else before, and he can’t get that fucking image out of his mind. Tyler smiles slightly, his lips then connect with Josh’s neck, the feeling has already started his heart to stir. “I told you Josh, I don’t like that word” and Tyler smiles as he lowers himself closer and lets his lips ask Josh for forgiveness, and of course Josh’s acceptance to his ‘sorry’ comes in the form of him panting Tyler’s name, into the quietness of the dark house.   


-

 

It’s early in the morning, the kind of early where it’s dark out and not even the birds have awoken yet. The boy lies in the bed, his naked frame half covered by the black and white bed sheets. The other boy stands over the desk, his fingers wrapped around the mustard brown folder, his smile wide and unnerving.

_ Get rid of it. They will know. _

He pulls on his clothes, makes no sound as he walks down stairs, the folder still clasped in his hands as he opens the front door and makes his way down the street. They will never know it was him, they will never find out. He tucks it away in a box, hides it away like evils that were inside Pandora’s box. They won’t ever know. He takes his shoes off at the door, climbs the stairs, peels off his clothes and climbs back into bed. His hand wrapping around the boy.

_ They will never know, who I truly am. I’m your better half. You're my precious little lamb.  
_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (; hope u liked this chapter more soon


	11. Like A Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some say dreams tell the future-Tyler believes such sayings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what I wrote, it's pretty bad. I'm tired and sick and stuff.

 

_ The crumpled red bed sheets are wrapped around his naked frame, his head lying on Tyler’s chest. He says “I used to say to people, that I wanted to die before I was old” he sits up, his left elbow propping him up as he stares down at his face. His fingers running through his soft brown hair, his hand returning to rest on his face. The other boy’s hand follows, resting on top of his. He turns his head to plant a kiss on his pale skin. _

 

_ “Josh” he whispers, his eyes closed as he soaks in the pure blissful dream. _

 

_ “But because of you Tyler…” He whispers against his lips “I might have to think twice” and he closes the distance between them. _

 

_ - _

 

A swirling black abyss circles his pretty brunette head. Black smoke covering his body, seeping through his semi-parted lips, tracing his skin in pretty little patterns. It delves deep into his vessel, turning his veins to a midnight black. And finally, the dangerous mist reaches his brain: an organ full of broken thoughts and fears. It sticks it’s sharp black nails into the pink flesh, forcing itself into his mind like a maggot in an apple. Then when it is fully in there, fully soaking his mind in a toxic gas, it begins its little mind game. A test of his memory.

 

She stands there. Her eyes pitch black, an ocean drowned by the darkness. Her blonde hair has lost its shine, a sunshine hidden behind grey clouds. Tyler stands across from her and watches her pink lips stretch back to reveal blood-stained teeth, her crimson coloured hand rises and suddenly it’s trailing down his cheek. His neck is soaked in black, his hands dripping with the same watery substance. She tilts her head, like a dog does--staring at him. Then she draws back and lets her clenched fist hit the soft skin of his cheek. Bruising it upon impact. Her other hand follows, busting the soft plump skin of his bottom lip. He cries out in pain but she ignores him. She continues, throwing punches, leaving sky blue rest on different places of his body. A crimson trail flows from his sharp nose, mixing with the blood that is dripping from his lips. 

 

Then she stops. Her black eyes fade to blue. Her hands softly clasp his face, her lips stretch to reveal a perfect smile.Then, she does the unthinkable, after leaving her marks on his skin, she gives him the sugar to the salt she had just rubbed into his wounds: a kiss. It pulls him in, a perfect kiss. It didn’t make his heart start racing. And when he pulled away, she wasn’t standing there. He was. His red beady eyes looking at him. His malicious smile full of mocking. “I love you Tyler, do you love me?” He asks, his black-painted fingers slowly wrapping around his throat, stealing the life from his body. Tyler nods, transfixed and he laughs, a loud violent cackle and Tyler receives another kiss upon his lips. This time it tastes bittersweet and metallic, like blood.

 

Tyler’s eyes flicker open and his body lurches forward in a panic. The boy beside him, the one with bright yellow hair and soft chocolate eyes, springs to attention too. “What is it Tyler?” He asks worriedly as Tyler gasps for breath beside him. Hot tears have started to gather at the corner of his eyes, dripping down his cheeks. He can’t explain it. He can’t say. He can’t tell Josh that Jenna was there, her lips locking his and then... _ him. _ The demon who had such a control over him. He can’t say.

 

Tyler’s body is trembling and Josh pulls him into his bare chest. His head resting on Tyler’s as he rocks him back and forth, comforting him with whispered hushes and stroking his hair. “It was only a dream Tyler, just a nightmare, you’re okay baby” He soothes and Tyler starts to relax in his arms. He wraps his own arms around Josh’s bare torso, pulling him even closer and shifting his head so that his nose buries into the crook of the boy’s neck. Josh lets him move and then his fingers are softly grazing the hair on Tyler’s head. Tyler can feel Josh’s heartbeat thumping against his skin, his own echoing back: communicating in ways they would not understand.

 

The warmth of Josh radiating against his skin, makes something emotional stir in his stomach. A golf-ball lump has formed in his throat. Tyler’s eyes begin to grow wet again, soaking his cheeks and dripping onto Josh’s skin. Josh reacts by holding him, rubbing his back and saying “It’s okay, let it out baby boy, let it all out” and so Tyler bares his all. His soft gentle sobs echoing in the room. Josh holds him, rocking him back and forth until no more tears run out of the broken boy’s eyes. He sniffles gently. Like a child.

 

Finally Tyler pulls away, wiping at his eyes. Josh grabs his hands, pulling them away from his face as he reaches up with his own thumb to catch those runaway tears. He smiles softly. “Do you feel better now?” He asks, Tyler nods. 

 

“I’m sorry” Tyler whispers softly but Josh shakes his head “There’s no need to apologise” He replies. He lies back down, leaving his arms open so that Tyler can lie on him. Tyler does just that. Settling down on the boy, his head resting on the boy’s naked chest. Josh’s fingers draw small circles on Tyler’s shoulder. It’s comforting to the boy. 

 

“Will you sing to me?” Tyler asks. He’s never heard the boy sing and now Tyler’s hands rest on the boy’s stomach. His hand could sit further down, slide under the blankets and feel him but now wasn’t the time. 

 

“What do you want me to sing?” Josh asks softly, his fingers still tracing small circles. Tyler shrugs “Anything, I don’t mind”

 

“Alright” Josh sighs, Tyler watches his chest rise and fall with each breath, he can feel it too. Josh clears his throat, chuckling slightly and announcing to the one member audience that he’s slightly nervous. Tyler’s lips pull into a smile. He watches the moonlight filter in through the window. Josh begins singing:

  
  


_ Sing me to sleep _

_ Sing me to sleep _

_ I'm tired and I _

_ I want to go to bed _

_ Sing me to sleep _

_ Sing me to sleep _

_ And then leave me alone _

_ Don't try to wake me in the morning _

_ 'Cause I will be gone _

_ Don't feel bad for me _

_ I want you to know _

_ Deep in the cell of my heart _

_ I will feel so glad to go _

  
  


_ Sing me to sleep _

_ Sing me to sleep _

_ I don't want to wake up _

_ On my own anymore _

 

His voice is deep and soft, and Tyler listens to the hum of it vibrating through the boy’s body. He looks up at Josh, who looks down at him; a glint of the moonlight trapped in his brown eyes. Tyler smiles softly “That was beautiful” he says. “But not as beautiful as you” Josh smiles back , the corners of his eyes wrinkling. Tyler playfully hits him, a grin breaking out on his face, he says “That was cheesy”

 

“Well I’m a bit of a romantic” Josh sighs contently, planting a kiss on Tyler’s head. “You call that romantic?” Tyler scoffs, still staring up at the boy, his eyes scanning every detail; absorbing his face into the memories of his mind. Josh raises his eyebrows at Tyler’s response. “And just what do you think ‘romance’ is?” He asks playfully.

 

Tyler grins, biting his lip as he sits up. “Wouldn’t you like to know” He retorts. Josh grins in reply as Tyler shifts his body on top of him, straddling him. “Oh I really would” Josh states, smiling wide. Tyler raises one eyebrow “Would you? How badly do you want to know?” He breathes as he leans in close, planting a delicate kiss on Josh’s neck. Josh’s breath becomes heavy “Badly” he replies in a breathless pant “very very badly”

 

Tyler chuckles. His hands gliding over the boy’s naked torso “Well, I’ll show you” He smiles, leaning in to catch the boy’s lips in his own. Kissing him passionately and hard, like his life depended on it. 

 

-

 

When morning finally rolled around, they were tired. Exhausted from the late night activities. Tyler’s eyes are the first to open, Josh’s head is lying on his chest; his arm wrapped protectively around Tyler’s bare torso. His yellow hair stuck up in all places and the faint blue of a bite mark had begun to show on his neck. Tyler smiled to himself, knowing he had marked his territory. Tyler slowly rose from the bed, his lover turning over and replacing him with a pillow. Tyler watched Josh sleep soundly for a few seconds, before pulling on his underwear. He glanced at the clock, the red numbers stared back. 5:15 am. The sun rose early this morning. Tyler rubbed sleep from his eyes, he tiredly stumbled forward; yawning as he passed his desk and plodded to the bathroom. He lifted the toilet lid, relieved himself and then as he stood there, his brain kicked into realisation. He stumbled out of the bathroom his hand dragging against the wall. His eyes landed on the empty spot on the desk.

 

The folder with his deepest darkest secrets had gone. Tyler gulped audibly, his feet pushed him forward and his hands landed on the wood of the desk. He stared down. He could have sworn he left it here. His hands dumbly fumbled with papers and books and scrap pieces he had thrown in the trash but it was gone. 

 

He crumpled to the floor his hands rising to his head. 

 

_ Well you’ve done it now haven’t you? _

 

“It wasn’t my fault” Tyler replies, tears welling up in his soft brown eyes. He rocks back and forth but it does not provide any comfort. His stomach acid is churning in his stomach. His throat dry, his head swirling.

 

“Tyler?” Josh calls out, Tyler snaps to attention. He could not let Josh see him like this. No, No he couldn’t. But where did he leave that fucking folder?

 

Josh is stretching, yawning as he sits up in bed; tiredly rubbing his eyes. “It’s fucking 5 am, what are you doing?”

 

Tyler smiles, he had made it on the chair in time. Couldn’t let the boy see him in the midst of a breakdown. He’d leave and he can’t have him leave. Tyler looks at the boy, the lamp he had turned on whilst he had been panicking; shines brightly, lighting up his face. “Writing” He replies. “Had a sudden inspiration for a song” Tyler adds on. Josh stands up, not bothering to pull on some clothing. He made his way over to Tyler, wrapping his arms around his neck and planting a kiss behind his ear. 

 

“I don’t care what’s in your hair, I just wanna know what’s on your mind. I used to say I wanna-” Josh’s eyes raise in alarm “Oh” He whispers softly.

 

Tyler looks up at him “What’s wrong?” He frowns. Josh shakes his head, a small smile appearing on his face. “Nothing, just that’s nice”

 

“Thank you” Tyler says, turning to kiss the boy on the lips. Josh leans in “Come back to bed” he whispers, softly and slightly seductively. The care for the missing folder slips away, sinking away like a small boat on the ocean waves. Tyler watches the boy climb back into bed, covering himself with the sheets. A peaceful feeling washes over him, just like the lapping waters of a river. He would drown in that peace if he could. 

 

Tyler follows him to the bed. Slipping under the soft materials and wrapping his hands around Josh’s waist, pulling him closer. 

 

-

 

The bright summer skies light up, the hot sun burning the skin of the two boys who lie under its heated glow. The one with yellow hair has his head in the brunette’s lap, his fingers lazily drags through his hair, fiddling with strands. He sits up “The sun will be setting soon” His hair is catching the sun. He shines just like a star. His smile wide, and the universe swirls in his chocolate brown eyes. 

 

“Look Ty” He says “Fireflies” and the glittering bugs are scattering themselves across the air. Glowing like touchable stars as they float on by. Tyler stares in awe, his hand still clasped around the boy’s. He grins to himself, turning the look at his sunshine. His eyes meet red, his hand grows cold in his and his lips are snarled into an evil grin. The fireflies drop from the sky, like dead flies. His sunshine boy is on the ground, his throat slashed; blood pumping from it like a ruby fountain. The hand wrapped around Tyler’s clenches his bones until they crack. He whispers in a demonic tone “You love me Tyler, don’t you?” and Tyler nods again. Like a puppet in the hands of its master. The demon frowns, a modern tale of beauty and the beast; he grips his hand tighter still, his bones crunching. He says “Tyler, you love me don’t you?”

 

Tyler nods again, blinking dumbly. He grits his teeth. “No!” He hisses, his hand letting go of Tyler’s; he draws back, slamming his hand into the side of his face. Tyler spurts out blood. He grabs him by the throat, his snake like tongue slithering to his ear. “Say it Tyler” He hisses threateningly, his fingers closing around the boy’s neck; cutting off his air supply. “Say it, say it like you mean it”

 

Tyler gulps for air, the monster’s nails digging into his tanned skin; producing scarlet lines on his flesh. “Say it!” He screams, throwing Tyler against the floor. The black smoke snaking around him, an invisible force holding him down. “SAY IT!” A multitude of voices escapes the demon’s body, the black fog forcing itself down Tyler’s throat. “I’LL MAKE YOU SAY IT TYLER!” the deep voice cackles “I’LL WRETCH IT OUT OF YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE CORPSE, I WILL MAKE YOU SAY IT!” He screams, grabbing at Tyler and pulling him up to his face.

 

Tyler chokes, the blood coating his lips. His lips stretch back, his tongue dripping with ruby red: “I love you”

 

Blurryface smiles, his fingers digging blue into his skin. “Good boy, good boy” He whispers.

-

 

“Where have you been?” Josh asks as Tyler slams the front door, throwing his keys on the table. Tyler glares at him “Nowhere” he utters back. Throwing himself down on the couch. Josh huffs. 

 

“Tyler it’s 7 am, you were gone all night!” His voice raising slightly as he makes his point. Tyler’s gaze locks on him. “Counting the minutes I was gone?” He scoffs “Pathetic aren’t you”

“Don’t be like this” Josh replies. He folds his arms as his eyebrows furrow. “Don’t act like this towards me”

 

“Or what Josh?” Tyler counters “What the fuck do you want from me? I’m only fucking you for fuck sake, it’s not like I love you-”

 

Josh blinks at him. Tyler stops. His tongue feeling numb. He didn’t mean it. Josh laughs, a bitter laugh. “Yeah?” He says, toxic poison dripping from his lips “What Tyler? Did you think I loved you? Fuck, you’re so self absorbed”

 

“Don’t talk to me like that!” Tyler yells, standing up. His fist clenching. Josh stares at him. “Who are you? Who the fuck are you? Because you hold me like you need me, but sometimes I think...I think you’re just a lonely pathetic boy who needs a replacement bride since his went bye bye”

 

“Fuck you” Tyler spits, the red hot rage burning in his stomach. Josh laughs “You want to don’t you?” He counters, stepping forward “You always want to. This is what you do, you argue and you try to push me away but we both know you want me, you need me Tyler. I need you” Josh’s hand grabs Tyler’s but he pulls away. Stepping back. No no, that dream meant something, it meant stay away. He couldn’t let Josh become a victim like Bradford. He couldn’t lose another person he loved, like Jenna.

 

Silence filled the air and it stayed that way for a long time. The two boys just avoiding gazes, casting them to the floor.  Josh is the first to speak. “Don’t push me away” He says lowly. His eyes are glued to Tyler’s face. But Tyler refuses to look. He can’t see those eyes, if he does he’ll break. He’ll fall into his arms like he has any other time and Blurryface will take him and it will hurt worse. It reminded him of that one line a poet had uttered on behalf of all those who had suffered the great pain of falling in love:

 

‘ _ Yes, I will go. I would rather grieve over your absence than over you’* _

 

And Tyler felt that way. He would rather cry because his bed was empty than to cry because his sunshine was being lowered into a forever bed, destined to never wake up. And how soon would that come if he continued being in love with him? How soon before the monster he knows will take his soul for his own? but it will be his blood on Tyler’s hands. Because after all human suffering is asleep, but when it wakes, it takes the shape of the waker* and that suffering was a demon. One with a lust for blood and pain. And he had his hands on Tyler, he had his grips wrapped tightly around his vessel, and so help anyone who dared to take the gold from the giant, for they would be torn to shreds. He couldn’t get that image out of his head-of blood pooling around yellow hair and that was partly the reason he couldn’t meet the boy’s eyes. He couldn’t get the image out of the unresponsive cold brown eyes that stared at him.

 

Josh gulps audibly, trying to wet his dry throat. “I need you to know something” He takes a step closer and Tyler moves back. “I can’t” Tyler pleads. “No, No” Josh states, tears are hitting the floor “Someone needs to know, to hear this. I have many secrets Tyler, but you need to know this. Please”

Tyler still doesn’t meet his gaze. “Listen…” He breaks, his voice cracking with emotion, he stops to cry and the sound of it hurts Tyler’s heart. Breaks it. “...My parents...My...they...didn’t love me. Nobody has ever loved me. I-I had girlfriends and I had...I had people...but they didn’t care about me...they..they...nobody has showed me love like you have Tyler. You have given me happiness, you have given me these things I never knew existed” Josh confesses, his hands raising up to his eyes to wipe away tears that have escaped. He sniffles loudly.

 

“I understand...you don’t love me...I-I...I understand...I’ve never really loved before ”

 

_ Debby… _

 

“But everything I’ve felt with you, it’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way about someone-”

 

_ She’s the greatest girl to ever exist _

 

Tyler’s body stills. Josh feels distance as he rambles on. His cheeks wet with tears. Tyler looks up, his brown eyes locking with Josh’s.

 

“You’re lying” He states.

 

Josh stops, his mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. “Tyler I-”

 

“No, Josh. No. You’re lying”

 

“Tyler I’m not, I have never felt this way for anyone? Why are you doubting me?” He cries. Tyler laughs. “Yeah?” He continues to laugh, chuckling loudly. “Save it for someone else” He counters. Grabbing his keys he leaves again, this time slamming the door behind him.

 

-

 

“Tyler” The officer asks, he has brown eyes, soft brown hair pushed back. “I understand this is hard for you, as Bradford helped you and many others. But we need you to tell us what happened the last time you and him spoke?” he has his pen poised ready to take notes.

 

Tyler stares ahead. “I can’t remember”

 

“You’ll have to” The man bit back, but his companion stopped him. “Ryan don’t, in these notes, he has amnesia. He can’t remember and sometimes forgets things” the man sighed, he too had brown hair and soft brown eyes. He smiled at Tyler. He was handsome. Pillowy lips and a gorgeous nose. 

 

“I’m Brendon. Could you do me a favour Tyler?” He asks in a calm tone. Tyler nods. “Could you tell us if you remember anything?” He asks. Tyler nods “If I'm able to remember” 

 

Brendon smiles whilst standing “Well, sorry for just intruding. I hope you have a wonderful evening sir” He smiles and pulls the officer called Ryan out the door with him.

Tyler sits in the quietness. His fingers trembling. 

 

He goes to the front door, not bothering with a jacket. He steps outside, his footsteps following theirs. He snickers.

 

_ Are you going to let me have them? _

 

Tyler doesn’t reply, he watches the two cops cross the street, talking away. He crosses too. 

 

_ They’re onto you. They know. The folder is missing. They know. _

 

His hand finds the rock on the ground, his eyes catching the glint of a gun in the holster. The demon grins. “That’s a nice toy” 

 

Brendon is the first to turn around, the rock crashes into his skull; cracking the skin and it bursts with blood. He stumbles to ground, the hit stronger than his body can cope with. “Brendon!” Ryan screams but He is fast, the gun is in his palms and he raises it. Squeezing the trigger. The bullet whizzes through the air, striking the man in between his brows with a sick  _ thwick  _ sound. His eyes blink once before his brain fizzles out like a machine grinding to a stop. He slumps, his skinny tall frame hitting the ground.

 

“Why?” Brendon calls out weakly from the ground, tears mixing with blood on his handsome face. He turns to look down at him, the rock still clenched in his hands, he grins. “Because you know too much, and I don’t like boys who know too much. Boys who pry are naughty and need punished” He snickers. “Wai-” but the rock crashes into his head again, cracking the skull clean in half this time. Brains spill out but he keeps going, the warm wet blood splattering his face and his lips that are pulled into a twisted smile.

 

-

  
  


“Hey” Josh says. Tyler stops dead in his tracks, his body still glistening wet from the shower he just took. Tyler looks up at the boy. “What is it?”

 

“I made some food” Josh announces, his eyes are scanning Tyler’s face. Tyler turns away from him, grabbing a sweater from the wardrobe. “I’m not hungry” He replies coldly as he pulls it on over his head. Josh sighs loudly, stepping into the room, he says: “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing. Why do you assume something is wrong?” Tyler asks turning to face the boy. Josh eyes him, the sweater he was wearing. The long sleeves tugged down. Josh’s eyes widen. “Let me see your wrists”

 

Tyler hesitates. “No” He replies. Josh steps forward grabbing his arms in his hands “I need to see-”

Tyler pulls away. “Fuck off Josh, it’s none of your business!” He screams, but he knows, they both know. Josh has seen. He knows because the cuts are too deep to hide, they’re soaking through the sweater. Red soaking black. Colours that are familiar to Tyler.

 

Josh stares at him, eyes watering. “You promised”

 

Tyler laughs, tugging up the sleeves to show him. To show the boy his broken self that left marks on his skin. “This is the monster that is in me Josh. This is what I deserve”

 

“Tyler..”

 

“No! Don’t Tyler me Josh! I am a monster, I deserve the pain I give myself!” Tyler screams, the blood now soaking into the wooden floor. Staining it. Josh stands there “Is that what you think?” He asks softly “That you’re the monster?” Josh takes a step forward “But that’s not true Tyler, you are an angel. You are my lifesaver you are a not a fucking monster”

 

“I am” Tyler trembles, “I am I am I am I am I am!” He screams. He falls to the floor rocking back and forth “Just go away” he mumbles. “Tyler…” 

 

Tyler looks up, his eyes growing dark “I said leave Josh, fuck off”

 

“But-”

 

“Leave”

 

Josh gulps, he goes to walk away but he stops, turning to look at Tyler. “You’re sick, you need help. You need help. I can help. I love you Tyler. Don’t throw me away again, don’t make me go. I can be there if you need me. Please stop pushing me away-”

 

“I’ll kill you” Tyler cuts him off, looking up at him. Josh’s jaw clenches “what?”

 

“I’ll kill you. I don’t know when, but it’s bound to happen. Because I’m a monster, and that’s what we do because we are hungry and thirsty for blood and the monster that lives inside me wants you dead”

 

“But Tyler..”

 

Tyler stands, grabbing the boy by the throat “Josh, you listen to me!” Tears stream from his eyes “don’t make me do it!”

  
Then he lets go, and turns around and begins tearing the room to shreds and in the midst of his anger, he looks to the door to find his sunshine had disappeared. Had ran for the hills and the sight of him crumbling. And Tyler sits down amongst the mess. Tired from the tears, tired from the hurting and tired from loving. He lies down and he curls up into a ball and lies there, hurting, crying and dreaming of a world where his mind is not broken. There he lies, falling asleep, tears burning his cheeks. His temper calming, his eyes shut. There he stays, asleep. Like a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed


	12. A Kingdom for the lonely.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a funeral and a lover. Tyler seems to feel more alone nowadays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't posted in so long but I had writer's block and I was going through some things. I promise this will now continue every friday or sunday from now on.

_ The sun shines in the courtyard, one boy lays on the ground his hands on the soft grass, the other stares at him lovingly. “I don’t know where I’d be without you Josh” _

  
  


_ Josh smiles, “I have some idea” _

 

_ - _

  
  


The rays of light burn through his shut eyelids, he stirs at the sudden disturbance, stretching his arms and his legs. His back is cold and stiff and Tyler’s eyes spring open to find that he is lying on the floor, the glass of the burst bulbs scattered a little ways off. The broken picture frames, the torn clothes, the ripped curtains. He had fallen asleep in the aftermath of his anger. Tyler gulped, his throat seemed dry, and his head was throbbing. As he sat up and glanced around him, his brain took a quick turn and he stumbled to his feet; heart racing. “Josh” He said to himself. How could he forget, how could he forget that the boy had seen this. Him, losing his shit in a bedroom they had both found their love in. How could he do that to him? He showed him his pain, something he never planned to do, but there he was and Josh wasn’t.

  
  


Tyler plodded over to the broken glass, bending his knees and squatting down, his slender fingers picked up the glass. For a moment the dark voice that resides in him told him to shove it in his arm, drag it down, open those veins and let the blood soak the floor. But the ones from yesterday hadn’t healed, and they were the ones Josh had seen. He sighed, standing up and walking out of the room.

  
  


_ Your fault now isn’t it _

  
  


Tyler swallowed his saliva, he knew that, everything was always his fault. He was a fault-filled vessel and yes, many times he had said he deserved to die. But he never had. And maybe Josh was right, maybe killing yourself is the coward's way out, but Tyler had always been a bit of a coward. The doorbell rings, catching Tyler’s attention immediately. He hoped it wasn’t those two officers again. He couldn’t stand them. The thought of the two men popped into his mind, soon followed by the twisted images of brains covering the grey pavement. Tyler furrowed his brows. Had he? No he couldn’t have...could he?

  
  


The doorbell rang again, whoever it was was getting impatient now but Tyler was still stuck in his daze. There was no chance he had killed them. Tyler closed his eyes in thought, the vivid images of blood and dead brown eyes and the quite familiar sound of a gun shot, in a neighbourhood that would never hear it. It was quiet around here, the nearest neighbour Tyler had, lived two miles in town. Around here it was a ghost town, just model buildings, home to the creaks and the mice that are burrowing under the floorboards. That’s why Tyler and Jenna moved here, it was supposed to be a brilliant new neighbourhood. But nobody else ever moved in and then Jenna was gone, so the whole place became his. A kingdom for the lonely. So he could have killed them. Tyler began to shake, his hands trembling, the doorbell still rang loudly, the impatient person now getting annoyed. Tyler shook his head, snapping out of it, he plodded to the door, hesitated to pull the chain off and then finally he pulled back the door.

  
  


Josh stared at him, his yellow hair blowing gently in the wind. “I’m sorry” He says. Sorry? Tyler thinks to himself, but he was the one who had the meltdown, the one with slit wrists, red eyes and a stiff back from lying on the cold floor all night. He was the one who had smashed the lamps, torn the curtains and ripped the clothes to shreds. But here Josh was, standing on his door step, apologising for absolutely nothing. His eyes were red, like he had been crying. They both matched there.

  
  


“For what” Tyler asks, there’s venom in his tone but the acid is only meant for himself. Josh wets his lips, an action that makes Tyler stare. “For...somewhat forcing you to open yourself to me. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want you to feel forced to tell me how you felt. That’s not what I wanted Tyler-”

  
  


“Well what do you want Josh?” He didn’t mean for it to sound so bitter, in fact he hadn’t meant to say it at all but he had and now Tyler felt that quiver of guilt swirl in his gut. Josh bowed his head, an act of submission? An act of an apology? Most people wouldn’t look into a bowed head with such interest, but Tyler was not like most people. Josh finally looked back up, his brown eyes dark with that mysterious glint that attracted Tyler to him the same way a moth is to a flame. Everybody wants to be a part of a mystery, if you don’t then you yourself are the mystery. It’s just that, the out of reach, the fun of knowing something the world doesn’t. A secret. Humans crave secrets with an intense lust and we all carry them like phones in our hands, never parted with.

  
  


“I want you” it’s a plain sentence, nothing else needed to be added. It was plain, but what it did to Tyler, filling him with the desire to have Josh pinned underneath him, have his body shaking with pleasure as Tyler continued to thrust into him; feeling his body arch with each movement.

  
  


“I’d hope you want me too Tyler” Josh says, “I’d hope that I hadn’t...fucked up what we had...just I get concerned for you-” His delicate fingers reach up to brush Tyler’s cheek and he finds himself pulling away at the sudden sting. His eyes catch the mirror, the bright sky blue bruise coats his cheek like war paint. When did that get there?

  
  


It must’ve happened last night, the adrenaline, the pain all mashed into one. He could not feel anything, for he was numb. Josh’s finger found his face again, they were cold, soothing on the hot swelling of his skin. “I’m sorry Tyler” He whispered, his tone soft, his mouth softer as it brushed Tyler’s lips, exciting him at the same time. Tyler didn’t need to apologise. He knew with this action that he was forgiven. He knew as Josh pulled up his shirt, his cold but delicate fingers dragging across Tyler’s stomach, making him flinch slightly. He knew when his bottom lip was stuck between Josh’s wolf like teeth, biting hard, the pain searing through him, his body reacting to the stinging sensation as warm wet blood dripped from his swollen lips. Josh’s eyes were hungry, the same kind of hungry a wolf wears when it spots it’s prey. The glow in the bedroom made it seem like a dream, when Josh pushed him down on the bed, his tongue trailing Tyler’s neck; his palms wrapped around Tyler’s belt, pulling it off. His hands tugging down that zipper, pulling off his jeans and throwing them to the ground. No, this felt wrong. Tyler was the dominant one. He was the one who should have Josh trembling underneath him, his eyes wide in fear. Not the other way round. But Josh had already freed him, his lips leaving their trail down his stomach, his mouth wrapping around him greedily. Taking him in and Tyler couldn’t help but moan, couldn’t help but grip the sheets in his sweaty palms, couldn’t stop his body reacting to the pleasure. He couldn’t stop it. The boy had him in his hands. He had all of him, his broken body, in his hands and he was taking what he wanted. And Tyler was letting him like some scared little boy.

  
  
  
  


-

  
  


Afterwards, the room feels hot. It lasted longer. Josh likes to take his time. Tyler lays panting, his breath escaping his body. Josh is smiling wide, wide and wider and wider. His teeth show. It’s enough to make Tyler excited again. “Josh I….need to apologise” Tyler states, sitting up. Josh stays where he is, his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. Tyler turns to face him, wrapping the sheets around his naked frame like some used whore. Josh looks at him through his dark eyes, hidden there is something, something Tyler wants. “For what?” Josh asks, Tyler bows his head. He wonders if Josh is reading into it. Probably not. He’s not as fucked up as Tyler.

  
  


“It was my fault” His eyes are on the bright red lines that have marked his pretty arms. “I shouldn’t have let you apologise. It was my fault. I am messed up and my brain doesn’t work the way others does. I’m scared...I’ll fuck this up, or you’ll just disappear-”

  
  


“So that’s why when I left, you fucked some other dude?” Josh hisses bitterly. Tyler’s eyes snap to attention. “It wasn’t like that”

 

“Of course it wasn’t” Josh bites back, slight smirk on his lips. Tyler’s mouth goes dry. “It wasn’t” He states coldly. Josh stares at him, sitting up his eyes never leave Tyler’s. “Was it not?” He pouts, his fingers clasping Tyler’s palm and pulling it towards him, to his chest. “Did it feel like me? Or did you have to imagine it in that pretty little head of yours?”

 

“I imagined” Tyler hissed back “But the boy could give a better blow job”

 

“Is that so?” Josh flashed a crooked smile “Your body seemed to like mine better, and if he was so good then how come you’re here with me?”

 

Tyler smiled, a laugh wanted to break free from his pink lips. But Josh didn’t want him to laugh, he grabbed Tyler through the blankets. “This” He whispered, his hand cupping him “This belongs to me”

 

“No it doesn’t” Tyler bit back, pushing him off of him, straddling him; his naked frame sitting on top of Josh. “Yours belongs to me. You think you’re dominant? You think because I let you try this once that you can suddenly overtake me? Honey, you’re delirious” Tyler pants, his fingernails digging into Josh’s chest as he positions his hips on top of Josh’s crotch. “Now, Josh, are you my little slut?”

 

Tyler watched Josh gulp and nod, and he smiled.

 

-

 

“I have to go” Josh states. Tyler furrows his eyebrows, propping himself up on his elbows. “Go?” 

 

Josh pulled on his shirt and nodded “I have somewhere to be”. Tyler chuckled “Sure you do”

 

“I do”

 

“No you don’t, stay”

 

“No”

 

“Josh” Tyler said “I said stay”

 

“I can’t Tyler”

 

“Sure you can” Tyler smiles, his hand patting the empty space beside him. Josh stops pulling up his jeans for a second, considers the thought of sliding back into bed but shakes it from his head. “No, I have to be somewhere”

 

“Where?” Tyler asks, there’s a stabbing pain in his chest as his mind gives him the image of Joshua Dun running away to be with another man, a jealous stabbing pain. Jealousy could kill someone. Josh doesn’t answer, just continues to slide back into his clothes like he was never there at all. This becomes a bit of a red flag to Tyler. Something spreads up inside him, like flames engulfing a church.

 

“Where are you going?” Tyler says more sternly, or so he tries to. It sounds more like a whine, more like Tyler whimpering like a kicked puppy with eyes that say  _ please don’t leave me.  _ But Josh ignores him. “I told you Tyler, I have to be somewhere”

 

“Okay” Tyler responds, accepting defeat, he throws himself back on the bed. “But don’t be too long” He adds. Josh grins at him, showing him the very teeth that has left blue on his neck. “I won’t baby” Josh whispers, kissing the top of Tyler’s head; his lips lingering for a brief second. And with that he disappeared out of the bedroom, and then Tyler heard the front door slam. And once again, Tyler sat up and felt like some used whore.

 

-

 

Joshua dun had lied. Tyler didn’t really expect that from a boy like him, an angel of the sorts, but he did. Because it had been a week since he had saw his yellow hair. A week without his touch, being alone in the creaky house, in the graveyard neighbourhood. With his demonic thoughts tearing him apart like a bear tearing apart it’s food. It was terrorizing him. Voices in his brain snickering at him. But on a Sunny tuesday afternoon, when Tyler was sitting on the couch, racking his brains for something to do to take away the burning desire to hang himself; the doorbell rang. Excited, Tyler practically skipped to the door, happiness in his step. But Josh wasn’t there. No yellow hair, mysterious brown eyes or wolf-like teeth, could be seen. No in fact, two officers stood there. Their expressions dull. Tyler thought that maybe they always wore that, like it was part of their uniform. And then, the bloodied images of brains scattered on grey pavement hit his mind like a bug on a windshield and a terrible heat began to crawl over his face.

 

“Tyler Joseph?”

 

“Yes-But look-” he stuttered, stupid, stupid. That’s a giveaway sign. Don’t be nervous. He stood up a little straighter. “Look, if this is about the Dr.Bradford case, like I told the other officers, I don-”

 

“Sir” The taller one interrupts “This is not about that case. And I’m assuming that the ‘other officers’ you mean are Ross and Urie, who by the way Mr. Joseph, are missing. Their last location was here. Do you know anything of their whereabouts?”

 

The heat was in Tyler’s bones, burning him up like hell fire. But he shrugged casually. “How should I know?”

 

The tall officer nodded and Tyler was sure he saw a glimpse of a smirk on the man’s lips. As if he could see what Tyler saw replaying in his mind right now. Like he knew. “That’s not why we are here” The other man states, stepping forward. He’s smaller, clearly. “I’m Officer Harris, and Mr. Joseph...we have some bad news”

 

This was it wasn’t it? Josh had been found dead. Drowned. Killed himself. Hung himself. Stood in front of a car and let it splatter his beautiful body to pieces. This was it wasn’t it? He’d have to learn to rebuild himself over again, just like with jenna. He’d have to learn to live without the warmth in the bed again, learn to spend his days alone. He’d have to teach himself to cry silently again, to write letters to a dead boy. It was too much to handle, and he knew it in his mind when he was standing there, with two pairs of eyes watching his breakdown. He didn’t want to know, he felt sick already. Sick to his stomach with the thought of never seeing Josh again. His knees wobbled and his heart lurched inside his ribcage, which right now seemed to be closing in on his lungs.

 

“It’s about your family Mr. Joseph, it seems they’ve been murdered” Harris said in a sad tone, of course he’d feel bad for the kid who just lost his entire family but Tyler was washed with relief. Yes, sure his family being dead was incredibly heart breaking but the thought of losing Josh seemed to feel worse. Tyler sat down on the stairs, the officers taking this sudden action as their welcome invitation into Tyler’s house.

 

“We aren’t supposed to tell you much” Harris states, his eyes are full of sympathy. “But it seems they were…”

 

“Slaughtered” Weekes offers, his dead blue eyes still hooked on Tyler’s frame. Harris glares at him “Have a heart” he whispers, Weekes just shrugs in return, turning his slender body around; His eyes violating Tyler’s house.

 

“...We think it may have been the work of a serial killer-”

 

Tyler’s head snaps up. His brown eyes widening. “Serial killer?” He mumbles, his heart racing. Oh fuck, oh fuck. “Well” Harris sighs squatting to Tyler’s level “Seems so, your family were horrifically...well” He stands back up, forcing a cough. “Some information we can’t disclose Mr. Joseph. However, there’s another reason we came here today”

 

Tyler looks up, watching Weekes wonder around his living room. “Yeah?” he manages to croak out. Yeah, make it look like you care. “We have reason to believe that this killer may be coming after you”

 

Inside his brain, a thunderous laugh echoes. “Really? Why? What have I done?” Tyler whines. Be child-like, innocent, big eyed. “We assume nothing Mr. Joseph, we feel somebody might have a vendetta of the sorts towards you. We would like to keep you protected however, so this is a notice that we will be having a patrol car outside of your house every tuesday and friday until we catch the killer, we are hard at work trying to keep you saf-”

 

“So” Weekes cuts in from the corner, his arms now crossed. “She was your wife?”

 

Tyler’s eyebrows furrow but he follows Weekes’ gaze towards the framed image of his dead wife. Tyler nods. Weekes smiles, not a reassuring smile no, it’s more of a secretive smile. The kind that announces ‘I know something you don’t know’.

 

“Makes sense now” Weekes says quietly to himself and Harris glares at him for a second time. “I think we’d best be off now Mr.Joseph” Harris calls out, signalling Weekes to follow him-to which he does. They both exit down the walkway.

 

“Wait!” Tyler calls out, the two men turn to look at him. “The funeral..the...my family...when...what….” Tyler’s bottom lip wobbles, as the memories of his parents flood his brain. Harris looks at him with soft eyes, he walks back up to Tyler placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

 

“This Saturday. One of your Aunts took care of it. I’m so sorry for your loss Mr.Joseph” Harris leaned in “And don’t you worry, we will catch this Blurryface character and make sure he rots for what he’s done” and with that last sentence Harris returned to his partner, who was leaning against the car, his eyes squinted in thought but still locked on Tyler. Harris clambered into the car and Tyler watched Weekes climb in the passenger side. Their mouths moving but Tyler couldn’t make out what they were saying. But he knew he was the topic.

 

Tyler stood in the doorway for a few more seconds, watched the police car pull out of his cul de sac and then he slammed the front door. Crumbled to his knees and began to sob into his sleeve. Because Tyler’s thoughts had been clouding him. Of course, Of course, it was so clear now. He couldn’t be controlled. He couldn’t handle himself anymore.

 

He had killed his own family. And he couldn’t even remember doing it.

 

-

 

It was a miserable Saturday and usually funerals are miserable days, it seemed fitting. Tyler sat right at the front of the church, the hard church pew digging into his spine as the coffins stared at him. Pleading voices ringing in his mind. But he couldn’t remember doing it. He shuffled in his seat. His aunt sobbing her heart out beside him as the priest rambled on about how heaven has a place for his family. But not for him, Tyler knew his place was gone, given to someone deserving. His stomach growled, more from nerves than from hunger but it was an equal mix. More crying hit his ears. He remained, emotionless, not a tear in his eye and that was bound to spark interest. Gossip.

 

_ Did you see? Tyler never shed a tear for his dead family...something wrong with that one _

 

_ Maybe he did it… _

 

Tyler gulped. No, they couldn’t possibly see that. See right through him. Besides, his tears had spilled last night. And he could always say he was staying strong for his aunt. 

 

After the service and his family had been laid to rest in their permanent grassy beds in the same graveyard as his wife laid, Tyler sat by himself at the dining table. The place abuzz now, chatter and even some laughter. Cruel, was the word he thought to himself, cruel. They couldn’t even let him have one day to mourn. He began to tear apart a napkin, sitting in very house that he grew up in. The home his parents had raised him and his siblings in. At the same table he had eaten meals off of. And he bet to himself, if he went upstairs his parents’ room would be the exact same as they left it. So it begged the question, where had Tyler taken his family before he slaughtered them?

 

“Tyler?” A voice says, familiar, old sounding. Tyler looks behind him, Parson stands in the doorway. Ghost by his side. “I’m sorry for your loss, Kid” He says, shuffling over to the dining table and taking a seat across from Tyler. Tyler nods, whispers “thank you” because he’s not sure what else to say. Parson smiles softly “I recently lost my wife too” Tyler’s eyes snap up, Parson’s nodding his head like he already knows what Tyler wants to ask. “Cancer” He states. “She never told me”

 

The kitchen stays silent for a few seconds, Tyler’s eyes latch onto the kitchen sink. Memories sinking through his skin like spilled ink soaking a page. “There’s a reason I wanted to talk to you Tyler” Parson begins, placing his wrinkled hands upon the table. “I won’t be around much longer myself”

 

So everyone's leaving him now?

 

“My kidneys aren’t doing so good, they’ve given me the option of accepting a donor but that’s the thing, I’m old. Lived my life well and good, I told them, ‘Keep it, keep it for some kid who’s going to need it’ and the doctor told me there and then that if I didn’t accept it, I’d be dead within three months. But it’s not like I have much left besides old ghost here” Parsons says, patting the dog’s head as he does so. “So that’s what I’m asking Tyler. Would you take my girl for me? Look after her...because” Parson gulps, a single tear rolls down his cheek and Tyler’s heart drops to his stomach “Because, to be honest with you Tyler, I don’t think I’m going to last three months” and with that sentence uttered came a look. A knowing look in Parson’s eyes and Tyler knew his plans exactly. So he nodded and Parson smiled, stood up, wiped his cheek and didn’t call for his dog to follow him. Because Ghost already knew too. 

The dog whined, plodded over to Tyler and stuffed it’s head on his lap; it’s eyes staring after parson who had left.

 

Tyler knew what being left behind felt like and as tears flooded his cheeks, he stroked the dog. And the two of them remained that way for a few hours. Until his aunt told him to go home and get some rest and although he knew his thoughts would attack him, he agreed. Walking in the rain to his car, ghost following behind. He drove back to his empty house with his new friend. A sad lonely animal like himself. He went to the bedroom, took off his suit and threw himself down on his bed. The dog climbed up beside him. And he laid there, staring at the ceiling until the bedroom door creaked and a boy with sunshine hair stepped in his room, a soft smile on his face, he said “Sorry I took so long”

 

And every drop of pain Tyler had, every terrorizing thought, suddenly drained from his body.  

 

“Where were you?” Tyler asked, sitting up. Ghost bothered to look up but laid her head back down when she realised Tyler wasn’t speaking to her. Josh sat down on the bed. He sighed a soft sigh. “I had to figure out some things….I realised...I realised I want to spend the rest of my life with you Tyler. And I ran out because I got so scared of these feelings...they’re so strong for you. And I want you to know from now on, I won’t leave. You’re mine and I’m yours” He grins softly, leaning in and planting a kiss on Tyler’s lips.

 

It tastes metallic like blood and sweet like honey. A taste that Tyler drinks in, his lips moving faster and connecting more with Josh’s until they can’t be separated. “I love you” Josh pants from underneath him and Tyler smiles.

 

“I love you too”

  
_ You’ve been a bad boy Tyler...there’s only room for one in your heart...and that’s me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter soon, if there's any mistakes pls ignore it is late as I'm posting this.


	13. A Wolf In Sheep's Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh's hunger needs satisfied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH I'M BACK, SOOOOO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. i've got a new job which is working nights but I will try to post every sunday.
> 
> NOTE: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SMUT, AND CUTTING AND BLOOD DON'T READ AHEAD IF YOU DON'T LIKE.

“ _Are you okay?” Someone asks, a face in the crowd, an anonymous touch on his shoulder, an unknown warmth from a hug from a body he does not know. It all happened too fast._

“ _We miss her too”_

  


_Sure, he thinks, oh sure you do. He has locked eyes with her family many times, they haven’t said a thing to him. Of course, he led their lamb astray like the twisted Shepard. They blame him for her death, the car, the metal crushing against her pretty skin; the flesh and bone melding together. It was a hard fight to get her free._

_It was a hard fight to get her free._

_In the car where death met beauty._

_And of course, death does not wish to let go of something so beautiful...he had to keep her close._

  


_-_

_Cold, their bodies, so so cold, underneath that dirt bank. Rotting away, maggots eating their flesh-_

  


“Tyler...” The voice is low and hushed, sweet and innocent, full of warmth, love. Tyler’s eyes flutter open, Josh stands over him, smile wide.

  


“Good morning sleeping beauty” Josh beams, running a hand through the boy’s hair. Tyler scoffs, smiling back. “Hardly a beauty” He states, Josh playfully frowns “You sure? ‘Cause from where I’m sitting, all I can see is perfection”

“Just who are you looking at Dun?” Tyler chuckles, sitting up in bed, the bed sheets crinkled around his body. Josh grins wildly, “Oh just this pretty little boy called Tyler”

  


“Oh little? Since when was I little? I’m a man Mr. Dun” Tyler retorts, planting a soft kiss on Josh’s lips. Josh’s eyes are shut when Tyler pulls away, his smile speaking for him.

_Oh they pleaded, screamed, did that stop you?_

  


“How’d you sleep?” Josh asks sliding off the bed, he disappears around the corner. Tyler rolls himself out of bed, plopping his feet into some slippers Josh bought him. He yawns, stretches, reaches down towards the wooden floor to retrieve the black shirt Josh had managed to pull off of him last night. He pulls it up over his head, tugs it down. Alright, now where was his boxers?

  


Ah, flung over the seat in the corner with his jeans. Nice, he didn’t have to search for those. He stands, another yawn escaping through his pale pink lips. Shuffles towards the clothes, he tugs them on, running a hand through his bedhair, making his way to the bathroom. He turns on the tap, water trickles out.

  


_Runs like their blood did_

  


“I slept good” Tyler yawns, lying straight through his teeth. He didn’t toss and turn, but his eyes latched onto the tree outside his window, watched the night wind blow it back and forth as the yellow haired boy beside him snored ever so lightly.

  


“you sure?” Josh calls back, he wanders back into the room, a breakfast tray in hand. His eyes scan the bed, he frowns realising Tyler is already up and he is too late. “Ugh, Tyler you were supposed to stay in bed just a little longer” He sighs, placing the tray on top of the bright blue bedsheets he insisted on buying.

  


_Have you noticed how much of her has disappeared?_

  


Tyler smiles, toothbrush dangling from his mouth “Sorry honey, I got somewhere to be”. Josh frowns, sitting down on the bed in his tight black boxers-the sight is enough to get Tyler excited, instead he turns away, staring at himself in the mirror as he brushes his teeth. Something about the distant look, his sightly pale skin and his dark eyes; something about it made him look scary, creepy. Suspect to the death of his entire family. All they really needed to do was find that folder before he could, the problem child, with scars up his pale wrists and past history of violence, oh and the dead wife buried up on the same hill the rest of his family were. They’d connect the dots. They’re probably down at the station right now, piecing together the giant puzzle and at the end of it, the blood red string will lead to one person: Tyler Robert Joseph, Oldest of four children whose Parents, Chris and Kelly, both now deceased, had birthed. Speaking of said children, all three of Joseph’s siblings are also deceased. ‘And where is Tyler right now?’ In the secluded neighbourhood, that has no neighbours for at least two miles, where the sounds of two police officers, one being shot in the head and the other having his head caved in with a large rock, could not be heard. But alas their bodies had not been found. And that Dallon, that good ol’ Weekes, he knew, he saw something both of the other officers didn’t. Tyler bets he probably has all sorts of theories. But all in all, what was the victim count? Including the therapist that was also found dead in his home. 1...2...9, that’s including the officers, without those it’s 7, and if you rule out Jenna’s death, despite her parents thinking Tyler had played a larger part in her death; it would still be 6.

  


Six bodies tied to Tyler, all slaughtered and of course, if the police happen to find those two men. Well, eight is a very good number.

  


So really, Tyler had nothing to worry about.

  


“Where are you going?” Josh asks in a singsong voice, appearing in the bathroom, wrapping his tattooed arms around Tyler’s waist. Tyler spits in the sink, it has the slightest tinge of red in it. “Graveyard” He responds. Josh’s arms drop off of him like dead weights, falling to his side. “Oh” His response was, it had lost all sing-songness to it. Tyler turns around, eyebrows furrowed. “What?” He asks, knowing that ‘oh’ didn’t exactly mean he was pleased with him. Josh shrugs, like the whole conversation means nothing to him, “Nothing Tyler”

  


“No” Tyler replies “Tell me” He insists, setting his toothbrush into the shared toothbrush holder, that Josh bought. Josh lets out a huge sigh “It’s just-” Tyler pushes past him already knowing the next string of words to fall out of Josh’s mouth. “Tyler” Josh speaks firmly, but Tyler rolls his eyes at him. “I don’t want to hear it today” He states, sitting on the end of the bed, tugging on sneakers. “I just don’t see why you have to keep visiting her” Josh states, arms crossed leaning against the bathroom doorway, tight boxers.

  


Tyler looks up at him, if looks could kill Tyler hoped his was strangling the life out of Josh right now. “Because she’s my _wife_!” Tyler replies coldly, all happiness disappearing from his body. “But she’s _dead”_

  


There’s a loud clinking sound as Tyler abruptly stands, the breakfast tray crashing into the wooden floor, cups shattering, broken glass mixing with chunks of semi-burnt toast because the toaster isn’t exactly great at getting that golden brown look. The orange juice seeps into the cracks, the flower lies dying on its side like a fish out of water, begging to be returned. He has him pinned against the door frame.

  


“You do not talk about her” Tyler snarls, Josh manages a feeble nod as Tyler finally steps back. “Fucking...hell” Josh states, bent over hands on his trembling knees. “It’s been nearly two years Tyler….let her go for fuck sake”

  


But Tyler isn’t listening, his sneakers crunched over the broken glass two minutes ago, and now he’s jogging down the stairs, his feet slamming the floor now as he swings open the front door and slams it so hard, he feels the house shake behind him. Speak ill of the dead if need be, but to Tyler, you do not speak Ill of Jenna.

  


-

The air outside is cold but with that touch of warmth, like a brief kiss of a lover. It’s Autumn, Fall. The leaves are dying.

  


_Not the only thing then._

  


The voice in his head has begun to sound more familiar. Tyler turns down the road, walking fast, stopping to observe the couple across the road. The male looking similar to that of the boy he had just walked out on, and the girl? A look alike of the one buried upon the hill. He gulps. Blinks. She’s got red hair now. He has brown. Tyler’s eyebrows furrow. He could have sworn...he shakes his head. He has to get a grip.

  


Still he watches them. Their cuddling, kisses, visible love displayed in both pairs of eyes. He couldn’t bare to look at them, lovesick pups being glared at by a vicious hound.

  


_And what’s your plan now?_

  


His fingers ached, oh how they ached for something. Violence? He hoped not. He already had a body count piled against him. He couldn’t.

  


_Really what’s two more?_

  


His fingers trembling now, his tongue shoots out of his mouth to wet his dry lips. No. Not Today. Not now. Tyler turns away, his head shaking. Flowers. He needs flowers for her grave. That’s where his feet will take him he says, as his body turns, crossing the road; his keys jingling in his back pocket as the corner store pops into view. He walks right past it, his feet slapping the concrete, his mind a swirling galaxy of black and red. His smile is crooked, his fingers trembling.

  


_Really Tyler, what’s two more?_

  


-

  


Tyler’s eyes flutter open. The empty bed beside him is the first thing that greets him when he rolls over onto his back. There’s silence in the house. He stares at the ceiling, letting out a large sigh. Whenever he wakes up, it feels as if he has a hangover; his head thumping wildly with pain. He closes his eyes in a bitter attempt to block the pain out. It doesn’t work.

  


There’s a slam of a door downstairs. Tyler sits upright in bed as footsteps hit the stairs. Josh appears. A soft smile on his face. “I’m sorry for getting angry at you yesterday-”

  


“Yesterday?” Tyler replies, his mind searching for what events took place yesterday. Josh sits down, his hand wrapping Tyler’s. “I know….I know I shouldn’t have said it, but it just spilled out and I’m...I’m sorry baby” Josh says sweetly, pecking Tyler’s lips. Tyler frowns. “Wasn’t that this morning?” Tyler asks. Josh furrows his eyebrows, frowning a little. “No, Tyler that was yesterday. Look...go for a drive, clear your mind. Whatever you need to do. You were a bit drunk last night when you came ho-”

  


“Drunk?” Tyler asks, gripping his head. He can’t remember going to the bar. In fact, Tyler hardly ever goes to the bar. Josh grabs his hand. “Go for a drive” He smiles. Tyler nods, tugging on last night’s clothes that smell like various alcohol. He brushes his teeth, snatches up his keys from the hallway and stumbles outside. The air a lot colder now. He presses the button, the familiar click of the car doors opening. He climbs into the driver seat, adjusting his mirror. That’s when he hears it.

  


“ _..._ _hel..p”_ it’s soft, croaky, the voice of someone near death and at first Tyler thinks he’s imagining it. He must be. But there’s a soft thump, barely anything at all, but if you paid close attention you could hear it, as Tyler just had. He furrowed his brows, sitting back in his driver’s seat, silence filling the air around him.

  


“ _...pl...ea...se...he...l...p”_ Tyler cautiously got out of the car, his feet slowly approaching the trunk, where seconds before he had determined that is where the voice was coming from. He gulps loudly, his heart beat racing. He slides the key into the lock, turns it, hears the click—breathes in, and pulls open the trunk. He covers his mouth in shock, turning away to vomit. 

  


“ _He...lp”_ the red head croaks, half of her skull is missing, her guts are hanging out; intestines staring back up at Tyler as he braves a second look at the kill in his trunk. It’s a miracle, maybe, how she managed to live so long.

  


_Miracle? Or an annoyance?_

  


Her good eye, which is swollen to the size of a golf ball, sees Tyler through puffed up skin. Fear settles onto the dying woman’s face. “ _pl...eas..e”_ she whispers, a single tear rolls down her face mixing with dried blood, a red blob slipping down her skin. “ _Plea...se...kill...me”_

  


Tyler covers his mouth again, hot tears burning his eyes. “What have I done...” He whispers “What have I done...” his eyes move to behind the girl, where a headless body meets him. The head positioned at his feet, an axe still stuck in the man’s skull. A smile has been cut into the head. The man. The couple. “What have I done?” He asks the open air; hands in his hair, crouched and screaming.

  


“WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE I DONE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WHAT HAVE WE DONE”

  


The commotion is enough to bring Josh outside, tugging on his coat as the clouds open, rain splashing the ground in hard sheets of water. “What’s going on Ty-” Josh stops, his eyes scanning the open trunk. He gulps. He turns his body to Tyler.

  


“….get inside baby, we need to talk”

-

The rain still drums the roof of the house, tapping the windows like fingertips. Tyler has a blanket around his shaking body, shaking from shock? The cold? Anger? he’d like to know which, but it was mostly all three. He hears the noise outside, the shovel plunging into the ground, the thunder still rumbling in the sky. He glances out the window. Josh is in the back yard, shovel in hand, drenched in rain, burying Tyler’s victims for him. Lightning flashes. A horror movie. Tyler threw the blanket off him, pushing open the backdoor. He dashes across the big open yard; they bought the house in hopes of having a few kids, a big enough backyard would supply enough space for the kids to run around. “hey!” Tyler shouts, grabbing the shovel. “I’ve got this!” He adds, beginning to angrily stab the dirt with the tip of the shovel.

  


“Go back in Tyler” Josh says calmly, as if he’s not freaked out by his boyfriend’s murders. “You’re in no state to do this”

  


Tyler looks up at him, rain lashing his face “No state?” He yells “I was the one who slaughtered these people Josh!! And here you are burying them, why? Why haven’t you ran for the hills? Called the cops on me?? Why are you calmly out here burying two people I killed!? Tell me Josh!” Tyler screams, gripping the shovel so tightly his knuckles have turned white. Josh blinks at him, the light of the moon casting shadows on his face. He smiles softly, placing his dirty palm on Tyler’s face he says “Because I love you, Tyler”

  


Tyler stands back, a little dizzy. There’s love and then there’s just being mental. Had he somehow turned Josh into a mindless little slave? A person willing to do his dirty work for him? “Give me the shovel Tyler, I’ve got this” He states, and Tyler has no choice to give him the shovel as he steps back, stumbling, landing in the dirt, as rain washes him and the boy he loves buries a couple he had killed.

-

Josh disappears the next day. He’s not in the house, the car is gone, but they both had pushed that into the ocean together last night. The police were miles away, but it could be possible that after Tyler and Josh had snuggled up together last night, Josh could have slipped from his bed and walked and walked and caved and told the police just how terrible that little lonely Tyler was. Tyler frets, he bites his nails until he reaches his flesh, and then when they bleed, he decides sucking the blood is a good tactic for calming down.

  


Josh doesn’t turn up on Thursday, or Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. On Friday, the doorbell rings and Tyler has been in a mess all week. He hasn’t showered, hasn’t dared to brush his teeth, change his clothes. He’s barely ate. Would that be the police? Should he have wasted his time listening out for sirens, when they would slip in so quietly, in an attempt to catch the culprit, the killer— _blurryface._

Tyler tugs his sleeves down, the scabs on his arms are healing quite nicely; finding release in a blade sometimes works. Other times you’re just forced to stare at your bleeding wrists wondering how you got there. Tyler breathes in, the rain lashing on the roof. It’s been raining since last week. A sign from god.

  


Tyler opens the door, Josh looks back at him. He looks like shit. He’s soaking wet. There’s blood on the collar of his shirt and Tyler questions him about it as he lets himself into his home.

  


“Shaving” Josh responds “I couldn’t be bothered changing my shirt”

  


“Where did you go?” Tyler asks, praying that the next line out of his mouth isn’t ‘the police’.

  


“Home” He states, staring at the wall for a brief second before turning to look at Tyler. “I was at home”

  


“And you didn’t bother to call? Josh I was fucking freaking out here! I thought you had gone to the police, I thought you had left me. I know..I know what I did was wrong but...I can’t live without you Josh” Tyler whispers, Josh shuffles towards him, cupping his face.

  


“The storm has wiped out the phone lines, they’re trying to fix them” he leans closer and kisses Tyler on the lips. “No matter what Tyler, I’d never leave you” He smiles, but its shaky. And for a brief second, Tyler considers the fact he might be lying. But Josh kisses him again, and again and by the time they’re both on the mattress, tugging off each other’s clothes; the idea of Josh lying to him, has simply slipped from Tyler’s mind.

  


He wouldn’t lie to him. He was his, he was obedient like a loyal dog. There was no way Josh would ever do such a thing. Josh kisses Tyler harder, ripping off his shirt as the boy lies pinned under him. He pulls away, catching Tyler’s bottom lip in-between his teeth, sinking them deep into the flesh. Tyler lets out a soft but shocked moan, as the metallic taste of blood fills his mouth. Josh struggles with his belt, but finally Tyler’s fingers manage to pry it open and Josh shuffles out of his soaking wet jeans. He’s wearing tight black boxers and Tyler can see just how excited Josh is. He smiles, but Josh attacks his lips hungrily again, his tongue fighting Tyler’s for dominance. His dick brushes up against Tyler’s through his boxers and it sends shivers down his spine, Josh’s lips are still connected to his as their saliva mixes, and their tongues continue the battle. Josh pulls away, shifting his head to Tyler’s collar bone where he sinks those wolf-like teeth into Tyler’s flesh. Tyler gasps, moaning loudly. Josh bites hard, blood seeps out and he licks it like a hungry animal.

  


“I want to taste you” He whispers huskily, his eyes wild with desire as he finally pulls away “In _all ways”_ He adds on. Tyler gulps under his gaze. Josh’s eyes are beautiful, filled with fire as he kisses down Tyler’s chest, leaving bloodied kiss marks on his skin. He looks up at Tyler, his fingers slipping under the band of Tyler’s boxers, his cold fingers brushing Tyler's hips. He tugs them slowly down, watching as Tyler’s erect penis is freed from the material. Josh discards the boxers on the ground, looking up at Tyler with a handsome grin. His pink tongue darts out of his mouth, swiping over the tip. Tyler’s body jerks at the action. “I want to taste you in all ways” Josh repeats, before wrapping his mouth around Tyler’s hard cock. Tyler gasps, hissing as Josh bites his dick slightly; the pain burning through his body. “In all ways” He repeats, before sinking his teeth into Tyler’s hip, blood mixing with saliva he moves back to Tyler’s cock; sucking and pleasuring the boy until he cums into his mouth then smiling up at Tyler, his lips and his chin covered in the a sticky mixture of blood, cum and spit.

-

“Come with me” Josh whispers, it’s late at night, the bedsheets are sticky with sweat, cum and a little bit of blood. Tyler glances from a blood stain to Josh’s eyes. “Where?” He asks. Josh smiles. “I wanna have a sleepover in my bed, in my _house”_

  


Tyler thought about that house, with it’s dusty furniture and dirty dishes, and he thought of it’s museum like feel, and he wasn’t sure what to say. “Come on” Josh whispered again “Won’t it be hot to fuck in the bed I used to jerk off in?”

  


Tyler looked at him and smiled. “Okay, I guess so”

The house loomed over them, and it was still as eerily museum like as Tyler had remembered, on the outside at least. The hedges had overgrown, weeds covered the lawn. But when Tyler stepped inside the house, it looked clean—lived in. He didn’t know if Josh’s family had decided to move back in, or if this is where his loyal little dog scampers off too for those days away. Josh trudges upstairs, it’s dark out, 1 am. Josh really wanted to sleepover, and the smile on his face was too precious to say no to. So Tyler tag along, and now he’s standing in the hallway; an overnight bag on his shoulder, watching Josh’s ass as he walks up the stairs. He smiles, and follows the boy. Josh’s room still looks exactly how it did the first time they came here, his drum-kit staring back at both of them.

  


Josh throws himself down on the bed, smiling up at Tyler, “Well? Care to join me?” He asks and Tyler smiles, climbing into the bed beside him. Josh kisses his neck, biting lightly. Tyler giggles lightly “Stop” He says. Josh continues on, sinking his teeth into the boy’s neck. Tyler frowns, trying to push Josh away. “Stop Josh, come on...we’ve just had sex”

  


“I don’t care” Josh growls low and huskily “I can go for round two” He continues dragging his teeth up Tyler’s neck, biting his jaw and then bringing his lips to Tyler’s where he pauses for a second, his breath mingling Tyler’s as he then leans in, kissing him softly. His hand slipping in between Tyler’s thighs to cup him.

  


“Josh...come on...I don’t wan-” Josh cuts him off with a kiss. “It’s okay baby, I’ll make you feel really nice” He continues to feel Tyler through his jeans, Tyler moans softly; shivering at his touch. “I’m hungry for you baby, so hungry” Josh says whilst dragging his lips to Tyler’s ear “I’ve got to taste you again” Josh opens the side table, his fingers clasping around a small pocket knife. He smiles at Tyler who looks back at him in shock.

  


“What are you doing Josh?” He panics, Josh grins “It’s fine...I want you to taste me before I taste you”He drags the blade to his finger, piercing the tip and sliding his finger tip into Tyler’s mouth. “Suck it up” He instructs, and Tyler sucks the blood from his finger. Josh smiles, unbuckling his belt. “Now baby, _taste all of me”_

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE U LIKEY


End file.
